The Other Voice in My Head

Wrong Way by Crystal

I’m doing it wrong.

The voice in my head didn’t mince words. And what “it” referred to wasn’t something innocuous like following a recipe; it was my whole spiritual life.

Sometimes I’m so confident. I write confidently; I live confidently. Other times I have no idea what I am doing or why or if it really matters.

This voice in my head isn’t solely mine: it’s a collection of every voice I have ever heard, human or divine. Thankfully this composite voice is not the only one in my head. God, pure and loving, lives there too.

Slowing down enabled me to hear this destabilizing judgment. At first, it made me want to give up altogether. But as I sat with it, I heard the voice of Love. That voice said, “Hmm. You know, that wasn’t Me who said that.”

God brought to mind a dear friend who appears to be doing life all wrong (and people constantly remind him of it). I imagined God seeing him and celebrating the successes others don’t see. I know God is proud of him.

And what about me, God? Am I doing it all wrong?

Hafiz, a fourteenth century Persian poet, once wrote, “I am a hole in a flute that Christ’s breath moves through–listen to this music.”

And this is what Hafiz played me:

It used to be
that when I would wake in the morning
I could with confidence say,
“What am ‘I’ going to
That was before the seed
cracked open.
Now Hafiz is certain:
There are two of us housed
in this body,
doing the shopping together in the market and
tickling each other
while fixing the evening’s food.
Now when I awake
all the internal instruments play the same music:
“God, what love-mischief can ‘We’ do
for the world

Confident or not, right or wrong, up or down, it doesn’t matter. Whatever I’m doing, I’m not doing it alone. There are two of us housed in this body, and as longs as One of us knows how to love, the world will be blessed.

Steveston 048copy

 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord. — Isaiah 55:8

Credits and references:
“Wrong Way” by Crystal. Used with permission.
“Seed Cracked Open” by Hafiz in The Gift by Hafiz (Author), Daniel Ladinsky (Translator).
“Splash!” by Anne Yungwirth. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.

About Esther Hizsa

Esther is a spiritual director and writer. She lives in Burnaby with her husband, Fred, and they have two grown children and two grandchildren.
This entry was posted in Poetry, Popular Posts, Poverty of Spirit, Stories and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

150 Responses to The Other Voice in My Head

  1. Pingback: A Sense of God’s Presence | An Everyday Pilgrim

  2. Pingback: A Patch of Fog | An Everyday Pilgrim

  3. Pingback: God Became Weak | An Everyday Pilgrim

  4. Pingback: The God We Got | An Everyday Pilgrim

  5. Pingback: Weakness: The Heart of Belonging | An Everyday Pilgrim

  6. Pingback: From Weakness to Weakness | An Everyday Pilgrim

  7. Pingback: Christmas Spent | An Everyday Pilgrim

  8. Pingback: Choosing Life | An Everyday Pilgrim

  9. Pingback: In the Flow | An Everyday Pilgrim

  10. Pingback: Wide and Deep | An Everyday Pilgrim

  11. Pingback: Bruised | An Everyday Pilgrim

  12. Pingback: What I Knew Then | An Everyday Pilgrim

  13. Pingback: Wait for It | An Everyday Pilgrim

  14. Pingback: Forever | An Everyday Pilgrim

  15. Pingback: Making Peace with My Humanity | An Everyday Pilgrim

  16. Pingback: Loving Certain People | An Everyday Pilgrim

  17. Pingback: Loving Certain People: Part 2 | An Everyday Pilgrim

  18. Pingback: Guides from Beyond | An Everyday Pilgrim

  19. Pingback: I Will Love. End of Story. | An Everyday Pilgrim

  20. Pingback: Empty | An Everyday Pilgrim

  21. Pingback: The Cost of Being Known | An Everyday Pilgrim

  22. Pingback: Connected | An Everyday Pilgrim

  23. Pingback: Christ Behind Me and Before Me | An Everyday Pilgrim

  24. Pingback: Aching for More | An Everyday Pilgrim

  25. Pingback: Here Be Tigers | An Everyday Pilgrim

  26. Pingback: Questioned by a Strawflower | An Everyday Pilgrim

  27. Pingback: The Gift I Received | An Everyday Pilgrim

  28. Pingback: Flies and Cold Fish | An Everyday Pilgrim

  29. Pingback: Stones, Slivers and Silence | An Everyday Pilgrim

  30. Pingback: God Inclined His Ear to Me | An Everyday Pilgrim

  31. Pingback: Love Mischief | An Everyday Pilgrim

  32. Pingback: Changes | An Everyday Pilgrim

  33. Pingback: At This Table | An Everyday Pilgrim

  34. Pingback: Rocks in My River | An Everyday Pilgrim

  35. Pingback: Led Into the Storm | An Everyday Pilgrim

  36. Pingback: The Surprise in the Story | An Everyday Pilgrim

  37. Pingback: Come Away | An Everyday Pilgrim

  38. Pingback: Sin, Hell and Roller Derby | An Everyday Pilgrim

  39. Pingback: Live the Question | An Everyday Pilgrim

  40. Pingback: Live the Question | An Everyday Pilgrim

  41. Pingback: Saved | An Everyday Pilgrim

  42. Pingback: Living Out of Our Stories | An Everyday Pilgrim

  43. Pingback: Living Out of Our Stories: Part 2 | An Everyday Pilgrim

  44. Pingback: Hidden Buckets | An Everyday Pilgrim

  45. Pingback: Limited | An Everyday Pilgrim

  46. Pingback: Immersed in an Ocean of Love | An Everyday Pilgrim

  47. Pingback: What’s a Bucket to Do? | An Everyday Pilgrim

  48. Pingback: Carried | An Everyday Pilgrim

  49. Pingback: A Little More Freedom, Trust and Grace | An Everyday Pilgrim

  50. Pingback: A Prayer for When You’re in the Middle of the Story | An Everyday Pilgrim

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.