Category Archives: False Self

Double Dutch

Posted on May 8, 2026 by Esther Hizsa

It’s bad enough when awareness comes  in a look or a wondering with space to soften and say farewell to what I thought was real.  But when I’m up to 97, 98, 99, 100 in Double Dutch  and the blunt end raps my knuckles, stuns my … Continue reading →

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The Conversion of Rosie: Part 1

Posted on May 10, 2025 by Esther Hizsa

I took my mom to get her hair cut. Since she had chemo over a year ago,  no hairdresser’s been able to tame her soft white hair. She looks like Punk Rocker meets Alfalfa. Once, I saw her elderly tablemate … Continue reading →

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My Favourite Things

Posted on September 27, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

Cream-covered cupcakes and no-fault insurance,No big surprises and endless assurance,Wild geese that fly with my cares on their wings,These are a few of my favourite things. I’ve been putting together a playlistof my favourite attachments.Oh, the delight I feel when I … Continue reading →

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Keep Watching

Posted on July 15, 2022 by Esther Hizsa

I lean my head against Love’s chest,match the rhythm of Her breath,and enter the darkness. The light hurts my eyes. I see what others have done thatI haven’t.I notice habits I have thatthey don’t.I watch myself lose myselfdisappearand want a world with … Continue reading →

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Release, Receive and Return

Posted on May 6, 2022 by Esther Hizsa

For days after I heard how my words wounded another, I was visited with the recurring judgment that I was a bad person, an unsafe person. I was shrouded in shame until God found me through a Lenten reflection on … Continue reading →

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Astonishing Things Can Happen

Posted on October 22, 2021 by Esther Hizsa

How might this moment be a gift to me, just as it is? I asked in last week’s post. I fingered that question like a smooth stone in my pocket while I put on my jacket and shoes.  “Okay then,” … Continue reading →

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Now I See

Posted on April 16, 2021 by Esther Hizsa

. . . we attribute authority to [our weaknesses] to name who we are, and they don’t because only love has the authority to name who we are. –James Finley, Turning to the Mystics Thomas Merton 4 My weaknesses don’t … Continue reading →

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What Would You Like to Do?

Posted on January 8, 2021 by Esther Hizsa

“I don’t want to be here,” my insides were shouting. For months, I disregarded my feelings and kept doing what I should, what a good Christian would. Then in Advent, God, who hears my thoughts and feels my feelings, asked … Continue reading →

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At the Edge of the Year

Posted on December 31, 2020 by Esther Hizsa

I stand at the edge of a virgin year, hallowed with a light dusting of snow. Skates in hand, I hope the ice is thick enough the surface smooth enough my ankles strong enough to do something beautiful. But I’m … Continue reading →

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The Cave

Posted on February 21, 2020 by Esther Hizsa

Pain. Sharp, deep and relentless. That’s what I feel when I’ve been treated unfairly. I keep wondering why they did that to me? I can imagine that it’s hard for them to admit they made a mistake. If I confronted … Continue reading →

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