Measuring Up

measuring up by woodleywonderworksThis boy reminds me of our grandson.

In the fall, we took our grandchildren to an indoor pool with two water slides. Fred accompanied the seven-year-old cousins up, up, up the stairs to the top of the slides, only to find out our grandson was half an inch too short to slide down. It was hard for Fred to watch one grandchild enter the slide while the other one had to walk down, down, down the stairs while a steady stream of enthusiastic children ascended.

“I feel frustrated,” our grandson lamented.

In the spring, we return to the pool. Our granddaughter discovers the forty-eight inch marker on the wall at the bottom of the slide and presses her cousin against it so she can measure him.

“You’re over the line!” she declares, and they bounce and clap with glee. Then up, up, up they go with satisfied grins.

I spend the next hour watching them climb up and slide down–over and over again. Each time the slide spits them out at the bottom, they’re ecstatic.

I can imagine how our grandson felt when he didn’t measure up. I often miss the mark and feel like I’m still paddling in the kiddie pool of life. As hard as I try, certain virtues remain out of reach. Then one day, I realize something’s changed. I see myself in a situation or hear myself in conversation and notice I have a little more kindness, a little less judgment.

I wave to the kids at the top of the slide and realize I couldn’t make growth happen any more quickly than anyone can will themselves to be taller. But, by God’s grace, we grow.

The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. — Galatians 5:22, 23 (NRSV)

Credits:
“Measuring Up” by woodleywonderworks. Used with permission.

© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com

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Sojourners in a New Land

Twenty years ago Fred, Rudy, Heidi and I sailed the forty-foot boat we used to own west around the world from Vancouver to Turkey. The voyage took three years and we visited seventeen countries. People often ask which one was our favourite, and I never have an answer. Each country had its own beauty and way of doing things that was both inviting and challenging. No place was perfect. We received each country as it was, appreciated what was given and tried not to offend the locals.

st-stephens-the-martyrI am reminded of that now that we have “dropped anchor” at St. Stephen the Martyr Church. I grew up United and Fred Catholic. After raising our children in the United Church, we spent over a decade in a Reformed church.

Now, in the land of Anglicans, we are encountering a new culture and language. I learned that “Table Eucharist” is having communion during a meal, “wardens” are kind of like head elders, the “sacristy” is where the priest and helpers keep their robes, and those helpers are called sacristans.

2 Children's time with Bishop SkeltonAnglicans also have different customs and historical traditions. The church bell is rung, prayers are printed and recited, and, I’ve discovered, it’s a big deal when the bishop pays a visit.

On Maundy Thursday, after Table Eucharist, we washed each other’s feet, stripped the altar and turned out the lights. On Good Friday, I walked the Stations of the Cross following children who carried it. On Holy Saturday, I was sprinkled with water to remember my baptism (after being forewarned to take off my glasses). On Easter morning, the church was resplendent with lilies, fresh flowers and alleluias. 

I am enjoying this new land and its people. My senses have awakened and joined me in worship. I look forward to passing the peace to people of diverse ages, ethnicities and abilities. Sure, I’ve had to bite my tongue when things are not done the way I’d like, but I’m learning to go with the flow. After all, I’m not the captain of this ship; I’m what they call a parishioner.

Lord, I love the house where you live,
    the place where your glory dwells.
— Psalm 26:8 (NIV)

Tieras in Bora Bora cropped

 Tieras and crew in Bora Bora, French Polynesia 1993

Credits:
Photos of St. Stephen’s  and  Bishop Melissa Skelton with children of St. Stephen’s by Randy Murray, courtesy of the Diocese of New Westminster. Used with permission.
Photo of Tieras by Cheryl Green. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com
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Awake

the-empty-tomb Frank Ordaz

After the sabbath, as the first day of the week was dawning, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to see the tomb. And suddenly there was a great earthquake; for an angel of the Lord, descending from heaven, came and rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothing white as snow.  For fear of him the guards shook and became like dead men.  But the angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid; I know that you are looking for Jesus who was crucified.  He is not here; for he has been raised, as he said. Come, see the place where he lay.  Then go quickly and tell his disciples, ‘He has been raised from the dead, and indeed he is going ahead of you to Galilee; there you will see him.’ This is my message for you.”  So they left the tomb quickly with fear and great joy, and ran to tell his disciples.  Suddenly Jesus met them and said, “Greetings!” And they came to him, took hold of his feet, and worshiped him. –Matthew 28: 1-9

Suddenly you meet us–on our way to tell the disciples, in the garden, on the road to Emmaus, in a locked room, by the sea, and in our deepest centre. Your gentle voice, your delicate touch tears through the veil of our grief with sweet encounter.

How we hoped beyond reason for your lifeless body to awaken and tell us, just like the girl you brought back to life, that you were only sleeping.  And now you have awakened and each good and glorious breath swells our hearts with love.

abstract-art-flight-home

O living flame of love
that tenderly wounds my soul
in its deepest center! Since
now you are not oppressive,
now consummate! if it be your will:
tear through the veil of this sweet encounter!

O sweet cautery,
O delightful wound!
O gentle hand! O delicate touch
that tastes of eternal life
and pays every debt!
In killing you changed death to life.

O lamps of fire!
in whose splendors
the deep caverns of feeling,
once obscure and blind,
now give forth, so rarely, so exquisitely,
both warmth and light to their Beloved.

How gently and lovingly
you wake in my heart,
where in secret you dwell alone;
and in your sweet breathing,
filled with good and glory,
how tenderly you swell my heart with love.
— “Living Flame of Love” by St. John of the Cross

Credits and references:
The Empty Tomb by Frank P. Ordaz. Used with permission.
Matthew 28:1-9; Luke 6:52
Flight Home by Jaison Cianelli. Used with permission.
“Living Flame of Love” is in The Collected Works of St. John of the Cross, translated by Kieran Kavanaugh, O.C.D. and Otilio Rodgriguez, O.C.D. with introductions by Kieran Kavanaugh, O.C.D. (ICS Publications, 1979)
“The Glory of Dawn” by Chris Ballard. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com
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Good and Glory

Jesus-down-from-Cross-lowf

It is finished. Jesus has died. His body is lowered down from the cross and taken to the tomb.

On Easter Saturday we hold vigil with everyone who is grieving the loss of Christ’s presence. Those bright days of miracles and laughter, of full bellies and awakened hearts are gone. Now, there is only darkness.

Into the darkness we must go.
Gone, gone is the light.

We think: if we had just prayed right, lived right, believed hard enough, that we should be able to raise Jesus from the dead and feel his presence once more. But this dark night dispels that illusion.

Into the darkness we must go.
Gone, gone is the light.

Before he died, Jesus told his friends he would be back. Remember what John said:

The light shines in the darkness,
and the darkness has not overcome it.

Remember when Jesus said that if our children asked us for a fish, we wouldn’t give them a snake. Or if they asked for an egg, we wouldn’t give them a scorpion. He said he knew we would never do that and neither would his Father. God only gives good gifts. So this dark night must be a good gift, a glorious gift.

O guiding night!
O night more lovely than the dawn!

On this holy night, let us light a candle in the deep caverns of our feelings and welcome the darkness that is filled with good and glory.

candle shawn carpenter

Credits and references:
Jesus down from the cross by Michael D. O’Brien. Used with permission.
Gone is the Light by Gord Johnson on Steve Bell’s album Devotion.
John 1:5
Dark Night of the Soul by St. John of the Cross.
I also refer to John 14:28 and Luke 11:11-13.
The phrases “deep caverns of feeling” and “filled with good and glory” are from “Living Flame of Love” in The Collected Works of St. John of the Cross, translated by Kieran Kavanaugh, O.C.D. and Otilio Rodgriguez, O.C.D. with introductions by Kieran Kavanaugh, O.C.D. (ICS Publications, 1979)
Candle by Shawn Carpenter. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com
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O Sacred Friend Now Wounded

Crucifixion 2 Michael O Brien

Now you are lifted up and alone, O Sacred Friend. You are every person who has ever been condemned, battered, betrayed, or abandoned. You bear all our suffering and every consequence for the suffering we caused.

“Father, forgive them; they don’t know what they’re doing.”

Forgive them, you say. Me included, I hear. Even now you see the spark of the kingdom in our ugliness, without justifying our violence.

You know full well what I have done, yet when I reach my hand across time and space to touch your face, you do not flinch. I caress your hair, your cheek, your beard as you slip into death. I lay my open palm over your heart, barely beating.

And all that is you flows into me, into us, into every living thing on earth.

Jesus-down-from-Cross cropped-lowf

What language shall I borrow
to thank thee, dearest friend,
for this thy dying sorrow,
t
hy pity without end?
— “O Sacred Head Now Wounded”

Credits and references:
Crucifixion 2 by Michael D. O’Brien. Used with permission.
Luke 23:34 (Msg)
Jesus down from Cross (cropped) by Michael D. O’Brien. Used with permission.
“O Sacred Head Now Wounded,” anonymous.
Banner: The Dark Night of the Soul (cropped) by Rene. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com
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A Smelly, Sweet Encounter

Christ washing the Disciples Feet

Perhaps it wasn’t until Jesus and his disciples sat down and the evening meal was being served that they noticed the unpleasant aroma of street and feet. I can imagine them all, tired from the day, edgy and irritated with each other, avoiding eye contact with Jesus. Let someone else do it. And someone else did.

Jesus got up, and desiring to show them the depth of his love, took off his outer garment and got a basin of water. I had always pictured a hush coming over the room at that point and each disciple quietly waiting their turn, but seventeenth century painter Dirck van Baburen didn’t see it that way.

In his scene, a cacophony erupts that sounds worse than their feet smell. An older disciple accuses a younger one of shirking his duty. A couple of the men lament, “How did we let this happen?” Peter argues with Jesus while Andrew interferes; Jesus argues back.

And who was going to wash their master’s feet? They likely debated about that, too.

Finally they settled down and returned to their cold dinner. Then Jesus stirred the pot again. “I have set an example for you that you should do as I have done for you,” he told them.

And how did they respond? Canadians know about using their inside voice in situations like this. But not one of the disciples was Canadian.

“I’m not washing John’s feet; he already thinks he’s so special.”

“I’m not doing it.”

“Me either.”

“I’ll do it, and then I’ll wash my own.”

“You can’t wash your own, Doofus. Didn’t you hear what Jesus said? We need to take turns. I’ll draw up a roster.”

Maybe it didn’t happen like that. Maybe after they all got their feet washed and experienced Christ’s sacramental display of love, their hearts were humbled and transformed.

Maybe. Maybe not. Or maybe not completely.

Jesus, I am just like them. You washed my feet and that very night I argued with my brother, fell asleep when you asked me not to, betrayed and deserted you.

You knew that would happen, yet you washed our feet anyway.

Flames by Tassoman

O living flame of love
that tenderly wounds my soul
in its deepest center! Since
now you are not oppressive,
now consummate! if it be your will:
tear through the veil of this sweet encounter!
— “Living Flame of Love” by St. John of the Cross

 

Questions for your Lenten journey:

  • How do you feel when you have had a sweet encounter with Jesus and yet fall back into old patterns of behaviour?
  • What would it be like to believe that love did break through the veil and left a sweetness in your heart?
Credits and references:
“Dirty Feet” by rbairdpccam. Used with permission.
Christ Washing the Apostles’ Feet by Dirck van Baburen, 1616.
John 13:1-17
“Flames” by Tassoman. Used with permission.
“Living Flame of Love” is in The Collected Works of St. John of the Cross, translated by Kieran Kavanaugh, O.C.D. and Otilio Rodgriguez, O.C.D. with introductions by Kieran Kavanaugh, O.C.D. (ICS Publications, 1979)
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com
Posted in Easter, Holy Week, Lent | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Hosanna!

Meister_der_Palastkapelle_in_Palermo, 1150

How do we respond to such an exquisite display of love?

Jesus, seated on a donkey, resolutely rides into Jerusalem knowing he will die there. Both he and the saint who is showing him the way are holding a scroll. The word written by the prophet is coming to pass as the Word-Become-Flesh writes history.

Behind Jesus, the disciples follow in a huddle, solemn determination on their faces except for the one in front–John perhaps–whose face is filled with compassion.

The curious religious leaders and people of Jerusalem crowd the gate. One with  a closed fist looks away, another open-handed welcomes, a third protectively clutches her robe. And the ancient looking children in the foreground! Three are spreading their outer garments on the path or waving palms and the fourth pulls his robe over his head. He will lay down the only piece of clothing he has on. His hosanna costs him everything, including his dignity. But no one seems to notice.

The donkey plods on.

Like everyone here, I am convinced, determined, broken-hearted, sceptical, intrigued, guarded, caught up in hope, laid bare in shame, humbly trudging forward and standing in the way.

Jesus, I’m not ready, but you comes into my Jerusalem anyway. There’s not one person in this scene that you love less than another, no one you dismiss. No part of me is too aloof, too embarrassing, too tight-fisted to be loved.

My heart swells. Hosanna! Hosanna in the highest!

palm frond by Samuel John

 How gently and lovingly
you wake in my heart. . .
how tenderly you swell my heart with love.
— “Living Flame of Love” by St. John of the Cross

Questions for your journey into Holy Week:

  • How does it feel to know that Jesus understands and welcomes every part of you?
  • How do you respond when you behold such an exquisite display of love for you?
Credits and references:
Mosaic, Einzug Christi in Jerusalem by Meister der Palastkapelle 1150.
“Palm Frond” by Samuel John. Used with permission.
“Living Flame of Love” is in The Collected Works of St. John of the Cross, translated by Kieran Kavanaugh, O.C.D. and Otilio Rodgriguez, O.C.D. with introductions by Kieran Kavanaugh, O.C.D. (ICS Publications, 1979)
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com
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A Spark of Something Holy

Fred and I have been attending a little Anglican Church in our neighbourhood. For Lent we joined a group that has been gathering after church to discuss Brian McLaren’s new book, We Make the Road by Walking.

One chapter focused on the kingdom of God. In it McLaren writes,

freedom by Anne YToday as in Jesus’ day, not everybody seems interested in the good news that Jesus taught. Some are more interested in revenge or isolation or gaining a competitive advantage over others. Some are obsessed with sex or a drug or another addiction. Many are desperate for fame or wealth. Still others can think of nothing more than relief from the pain that plagues them at the moment. But underneath even the ugliest of these desires we can often discern a spark of something pure, something good, something holy–a primal desire for aliveness, which may well be a portal into the kingdom of God. 

So often when I meet people who are in difficulty, all I see is the tangled mess they’re in. I wonder how I could possibly help them welcome God into their lives. But McLaren invites me to believe that God has already placed a divine spark of the kingdom in everyone. My job isn’t to help them address the smothering mess but to give some air to the spark that is there.

I remember a pastor friend doing that at an outreach lunch we had.  The man sitting at the table beside him launched into a rant about church people being hypocrites and how he hated hypocrites. The pastor could have been offended and pointed out that this fellow was in a church, and the meal he was eating was made by “hypocrites,” but he didn’t. Instead, he matched the man’s intensity and said, “Me too. Preach it, brother.”

The pastor found a portal into the kingdom. He saw how this man and Jesus were alike: both wanted people to stop being “white washed tombs” and get real.

I didn’t hear what was said after that, but I saw the men’s body language and heard the tone of their voices as they interacted. They were relaxed, animated and laughed easily. My friend had kindled a spark of something holy.

Blueberry Hannah N

I love the place where your glory dwells. — Psalm 26:8

Questions for your Lenten journey:

  • What overwhelms you right now? It could be the dismal state of a friend’s or your family’s situation, the destruction of our planet, or the unfair distribution of power. Ask God to show you a spark of something holy in it.
  • How might you fan into flame this spark of the kingdom?
Credits and references:
Creation of Adam by Michelangelo
“Freedom” by Anne Yungwirth. Used with permission.
“Blueberry” by Hannah Nieman. Used with permission.
Matthew 23:13-39 Jesus delivers seven woes to the Pharisees and teachers of the law. In verse 27 he says, “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean.”
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Lent | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Smitten

Steve-Bell“God is smitten with us,” Steve Bell said between songs at a recent concert. “Lent is about love and returning to the Lover who is absolutely smitten with us.”

To get us in the mood for Lent, Steve sang love songs inspired by poets, both ancient and modern. One was about God’s beloved, Israel, and Israel’s propensity to exchange freedom and real love for that slavery that was familiar. This song, in particular, inspired me to take the freedom Jesus gives me. But what does that even look like?

The next morning I reflected more on how I am like Israel and return to the familiar instead of forging ahead. One by one, God named the ways I have been called to make new roads but have not consistently walked them out. They were so mundane I hadn’t paid much attention to them: stretching after a bike ride and strengthening my core muscles, shopping with the earth in mind, eating foods that nurture my body, choosing words that are loving and kind, meeting God regularly for prayer. Humbly, I realized that doing these things delights God.

God loves us so much that no part of our lives is overlooked. Jesus says, “Even the hairs on our heads are numbered.” God, who created us, knows how interconnected we are in ourselves–body, soul and mind–and how interconnected we are to each other and the earth. Being attentive to these simple things fosters life in us and in the world.

“Lent means lengthening,” Steve Bell said. “The days are getting longer; the earth is greening and getting ready to bear fruit.” Now is the season to lengthen life and lengthen love. Now is the season to return to the one who is smitten with us.

Christian Asuh artist

 

 

God told them, “I’ve never quit loving you and never will.
    Expect love, love, and more love!
And so now I’ll start over with you and build you up again,
    dear virgin Israel.
You’ll resume your singing,
    grabbing tambourines and joining the dance.
–Jeremiah 31:3,4 (MSG)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Questions for your Lenten journey:

  • What new roads of freedom is God calling you to?
  • Steve Bell invited us to exchange our view of God from a magistrate to a lover who is smitten with us. How might that bring you more freedom?
Credits and references:
Photo of Steve Bell used with permission.
The song I referred to is “A Big Mistake” on Steve Bell’s album, Pilgrimage
Matthew 10:30 (NIV)
Painting by Christian Asuh
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com
Posted in Lent, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Returning to the Well

jesus-and-the-samaritan-woman1After the Samaritan woman talked with Jesus at the well, her life changed dramatically. From then on, I bet she kept an eye out for him whenever she went to get water. I can even imagine them having more conversations that weren’t recorded in scripture.

In the Spiritual Exercises, Ignatius of Loyola encourages us to return to our encounters with God and pray again with what emerged. We can welcome God to deepen these  experiences and give us living water.

With this in mind, I return to the well of encounter and pray again with my dream. It is the day after Ash Wednesday and this prompts me to ask God for more self-awareness, particularly around my attachments.

There they are in my dream. Becoming stressed by not having a handle on a situation, tells me how much I need control. Doubting my character when I am rejected by others, reveals my need for approval. Being undone by the man who saw everything as meaningless, triggered my need to for significance.

I know a bit about how attachments work. Our false self spurs them into action whenever they are threatened and makes us feel good whenever they are appeased. Attending to our attachments seems natural and legitimate. So naming these devils, as the Spirit helped me do when reflecting on my dream, unmasks them.

I line up the three culprits in front of me: control, approval, significance. I look them over carefully, so I can recognize them the next time they kick up a fuss or stroke my ego.

I sit in silence and ask the Holy Spirit to pray in me. As I do, the unholy three loosen their grip on me. God is here with all I need to quench my thirsty soul.

Vulcan Stream by Reza

Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.” –John 4:10 (NRSV)

Questions for your Lenten journey:

  • When did you last encounter God? What happened? Return to that experience in prayer with Jesus.
  • What makes you angry or stressed? Take a moment with Jesus and look under that feeling. What are you attached to that Jesus would like to free you from?
Notes and credits:
In the traditions of the Eastern Orthodox Church, the Samaritan woman at the well is considered to be a saint, named Photine or Photini/Photina (the luminous one, from φως, “light”).
“Vulcan Stream” by Reza. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in False Self, Ignatian Spirituality, Lent, Prayer | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments