I Am My Sister’s Keeper

Posted on July 10, 2015 by Esther Hizsa

Detail of the dead Abel on a Romanesque capital from the choir, now displayed in the chapter house. It depicts a moment in the biblical story of Cain, who killed his brother Abel out of jealousy. Here God asks Cain where his brother is and he replies, "Am I my brother's keeper?" Cain puts his hand on his hip in a gesture of defiance. Behind him, the feet of Abel's body can be seen sticking out of the bushes, revealing the true answer to God's question. Around the corner on the side of the capital is the rest of Abel, lying among plants with his eyes closed.

“Where is your brother Abel?” The Lord asked Cain.

Cain, the first child born on earth, had killed Abel.

I can imagine God’s anguish. “What have you done? Listen! Your brother’s blood cries out to me from the ground.”

“In the story of Cain and Abel, we see how envy led Cain to commit the ultimate injustice against his brother, which in turn ruptured the relationship between Cain and God, and between Cain and the earth,” Pope Francis wrote in his encyclical on Care for Our Common Home.

As I look at how we have abused our common home, I feel God’s anguish and am asked the same question, “What have you done?”

Centuries ago, Francis of Assisi called the earth Our Sister. “This sister now cries out to us,” Pope Francis writes, “because of the harm we have inflicted on her by our irresponsible use and abuse of the goods with which God has endowed her. We have come to see ourselves as her lords and masters, entitled to plunder her at will.”

Our complicity in this is big and too painful to conceive. I am my sister’s keeper.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

You’re still reading this post? You’re brave! Many would have quit at the first niggling of guilt and remorse. We don’t want to face what we’ve done to our sister Earth. I know I don’t.

Will I, like Cain, turn away from God and deny my guilt? Or will I allow remorse to turn me to God? And could I, as Pope Francis suggests, “turn what is happening to the world into my own personal suffering and thus discover what I can do about it”?

Imagine what would have happened if Cain had allowed remorse to do its work? He would have flung himself into God’s arms, like a child, and wept.

And God would have held Cain and comforted him. God would have understood why he did it, without minimizing the injustice. And then, once Cain knew he was loved and forgiven, they would have talked about a way forward.

I like the thought of moving forward, so I kept reading the encyclical with one thought in mind: Tell me what to do.

But God wasn’t in a hurry to give me a to-do list. Receiving forgiveness cannot be rushed, and premature action interrupts the process.

God wants me to do something. No question about it. But I need to do it for my sister, not to save myself from feeling bad.

Lord, have mercy.
Christ, have mercy.
Lord, have mercy on us.

Wheat FarbenfroheWunderwelt

Credits and references:
Photo of sculpture of Cain, Cathédrale St-Lazare, Burgundy, France by Holly Hayes. Used with permission.
“Earth in the Hands” by Arthur Rowan. Used with permission.
Genesis 4:1-10
Quotes from Encyclical Letter, Laudato Si’ of the Holy Father Francis on Care for Our Common Home #70, #2, #19.
“Wheat” by FarbenfroheWunderwelt. Used with permission
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com
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DIY Prayer Retreat #3: Meeting Jesus in Scripture and in Daily Life

Posted on July 9, 2015 by Esther Hizsa

Nearly every month I gather with friends for a silent retreat. It has been a rich experience. I explained how it works here and introduced Ignatian prayer  here.

Joy Richardson, a spiritual director living in Coquitlam, prepared and led this retreat.

An Ignatian Prayer Retreat:
Meeting Jesus in Scripture and in Daily Life

10:00 am Begin by asking a participant to light the Christ Candle and open in prayer.

Read aloud: Questioned by a Straw Flower by Esther Hizsa

Go over the following and then invite people to enter into silence and return for sharing and prayer at 3 pm.

Part I: Contemplation of Scripture (First prayer period)

Jesus Heals Peter's Mother-in-law by Rembrandt

Allow 1 hour and 15 minutes for each prayer period with a 90 minute break in between.

  1. Opening Prayer: (can be any  you choose e.g. SoulStream Morning Prayer)
  2. Preparation: Choose a scripture passage and read it.
    • Luke 13:10-13 Healing of the crippled woman.
    • Mark 1:9-11 The Baptism of Jesus
    • Any Scripture the Lord draws you to
  • Visualize the scene: smells, sounds, temperature, surroundings, characters, clothes, tastes, things you touch, etc.
  • Ask God for your Heart’s Desire (What you specifically need at this point.) e.g. Ask for a deeply felt awareness of God’s love for you.
  1. The Prayer of Imagination (main section-45 min.):
  • Be in the scene. Slow down. Wait. There is lots of time.
  • See the characters. Who are you?
  • Listen to what they are saying. How does this impact you?
  • What are they doing? What is your reaction?
  • What are they feeling? What are you feeling?
  • What would you say and/or do in that scene?
  • What would you say to Jesus? What does Jesus say to you?
  • What does Jesus do? What do you do?  Just be with Jesus.

Savour and relish your time with Jesus. Be sure to get “up close and personal” with Jesus. Look in His eyes. Allow Him to look into yours. The point of the spiritual life is to know Jesus, not know about Him, but to know Him.

  1. Talk it Over With Jesus (10 min.): Talk your prayer over with Jesus. Tell Him what happened in your prayer.
  2. Closing Prayer
  3. Written Prayer Review (15 min.): Move to a different spot. Write down what happened that was particularly significant to you. Include how you felt. This helps you notice what God is doing in your experience with Him. Being in this prayer in three different ways (imagination, talking it over, review), allows your experience of Jesus to deepen. That is extremely important.

After  your first prayer period, take a break for lunch and walk or rest. Ideally there should be 90 minutes between prayer periods.

 

Part II. Contemplation: Finding God in Our Own Lives (second prayer period)

Album Page 94 by Chris KilkesThe Old Testament is a love story between God and Israel. The Gospels are a love story between God and the apostles. My story is the love story between God and me. It is where my inner life becomes the source of my matter for prayer.

  1. Opening Prayer
  2. Preparation: Jesus is with us in the good times and the hard times. This prayer helps us to experience Jesus in a specific moment in our lives. Choose a moment or experience that you are going to bring to the Lord before you start your prayer. Today let’s choose a time you sensed God’s love.  It might be one of our own personal encounters with God, a special moment of grace, a simple spiritual moment, a life-defining moment or just a special moment.
  • Visualize the scene in detail.
  • Ask God for your Heart’s Desire. (What you specifically need at this point.) e.g. Ask for a deeply felt awareness of God’s love for you.
  1. The Prayer of Imagination (45 min.):
  • Relive the moment/experience. Don’t just remember it or observe it.
  • Enter the scene. See each of the people. Where are you?
  • Look around slowly. What do you see and hear and smell? What are you wearing?
  • Where is Jesus? What is He doing? What is He saying? What is He saying to you?
  • What are you doing? What are you saying?
  • What are you saying to Jesus? What does He say to you in reply?
  • Just “be” with Jesus.
  • Feel how you felt in the experience.
  • Feel: imagine God feeling what you were feeling then.
  • Feel what is in God’s heart for you, God’s love for you. Let it transform you. This is not a time to get a message from God and then do it. What changes us is quality time with Jesus, soaking up His presence.
  • Savour and relish your time with Jesus.

(If sometime you choose a difficult experience, then imagine what God was feeling as God was feeling your pain.)

  1. Talk it Over With Jesus (10 min.): Talk your prayer over with Jesus. Tell Him what happened in your prayer.
  1. Closing Prayer
  2. Written Prayer Review (15 min.): Move to a different spot. Write down what happened and what you felt.

3:00 pm Gather together and take turns sharing what was significant in your times of prayer. After each person has shared, hold them up to God in silence. Remember not to comment on what others have shared. No advice giving or fixing. Keep what has been shared in confidence.

4:00 pm Offer a prayer of thanksgiving for the day.

 

Credits:
“Jesus heals Peter’s mother-in-law” by Rembrandt, 1660.
“Album Page 94” by Chris Kilkes. Used with permission.

 

Posted in Ignatian Spirituality, Prayer Retreat Outline, Resource | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

God Is So Beautiful

Posted on July 3, 2015 by Esther Hizsa

Peace in a leaf by Tenacity8fear“Ever since I was twelve years old, I have been deeply moved by beauty,” a friend wrote in response to a recent post. “When I take my morning coffee out onto the back deck, I am surrounded by so many shades of green from the vine maples, Douglas fir, hemlock, Oregon grape, aspen and other indigenous plants that grow in our back yard. As the morning light filters through their leaves, I am moved by this beauty that is part of my everyday life. My heart swells just being among the trees.”

Mine swells too as I picture my friend there and remember what John O’Donohue said in Beauty: The Invisible Embrace: “The human soul is hungry for beauty.”

When I finished working at New Life Church last year, Fred and I went to the Oregon coast for few days. All I wanted to do was walk by the ocean, smell the air, and listen to the waves caress the shore.

“I haven’t prayed much since we’ve been here,” I confessed to Fred as we walked.

“This is prayer,” he told me and the waves said “Amen.”

Beauty filled my hungry soul. I was seeing, smelling, tasting, hearing and touching God.

We know in our heads that we are always in God’s presence, and this knowledge eventually works its way down to our hearts where we (sort of) believe it. But, when we encounter beauty, our hearts instantly recognize God.  “In the experience of beauty, we awaken and surrender in the same act,” said O’Donohue.

In Psalm 27, David wrote,

One thing I ask from the Lord,
    this only do I seek:
that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
    all the days of my life,
to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
    and to seek him in his temple.

What was David looking at when he gazed on the beauty of the Lord? The temple in Jerusalem hadn’t been built yet. Was he looking at the temple of the earth which is full of God’s glory?

Beauty is God’s glory. It’s all around us–in the sound of laughter, the smell of rain, the taste of a strawberry, a cool summer breeze, and the face of everyone we see.

God is so beautiful.

Strawberry #2 Craig Allen

Holy, holy, holy is the Lord Almighty;
    the whole earth is full of your glory.
— Isaiah 6:3

Credits:
Banner (not the one on home page): “Face Rock  Mist” by Andy Smith. Used with permission.
“Peace in a leaf” by Tenacity8fear. Used with permission.
“Strawberry #2” by Craig Allen. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com
Posted in Creation, Reflections | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Hidden Beauty

Posted on June 26, 2015 by Esther Hizsa

Photo by Anne Yungwirth“You have a beautiful smile,” someone said.

“I love your laugh,” I heard another say a few days later.

“You exude beauty!” a friend told me, looking right into my eyes.

I could hardly take it in. They were talking about me and my beauty. Do they see what God sees? I imagined God watching these interactions with the same delight a parent feels when their child finds the Easter basket they have hidden.

God loves to hide things for us to discover.  “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field,” Jesus said. “When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.” Mathematician Bernhard Riemann once said, “I did not invent those pairs of differential equations. I found them in the world where God had hidden them.”

What am I hearing? God has made many things–rivers, flowers, people–with obvious beauty that stuns us into silence. But God also tucks beauty away for us to discover in places we would never think to look–a hospital room, a crowded bus, our own reflection.

No one has ever stopped me on the street and said, “Gee, you’re beautiful.” My face will never be on the cover of a fashion magazine, nor will it launch a thousand ships. But, I’m discovering, that doesn’t mean I’m not beautiful.

God has hidden beauty in all of us. I enjoy discovering it in others, and I’m starting to believe they enjoy finding beauty in me.

fawn in the trees by Ed Dahl

From now on I will tell you of new things,
    of hidden things unknown to you.
–Isaiah 48:6 (NIV)

Credits and references:
Banner image: “Who Am I?” by Megan Yungwirth. Used with permission.
Hermit Crab by Anne Yungwirth. Used with permission.
Fawn in the Undergrowth by Ed Dahl. Used with permission. Matthew 13:44 (NIV).
Kathleen Norris quoted Bernhard Riemann at a writing workshop June 13, 2015 at Vancouver School of Theology.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com
Posted in Reflections | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Beauty Stares Me in the Face

Posted on June 19, 2015 by Esther Hizsa

Be beautiful by ben grey

Every time I look in the mirror, I’m reminded that I don’t look very beautiful.

Ouch. Did I say that out loud?

Beauty is a sore subject with me, yet over the past few years, God has awakened me to its glory. When I experience something beautiful–standing at the ocean or watching my grandchildren play–I am transformed. Writers, like John O’Donohue, have helped me understand that beauty enables us to experience God with our senses.

For the past six months,  Doug Schroeder, the director of SoulStream community, and Jeff Imbach, one of the founding partners, and I have been working on a new SoulStream initiative: A Contemplative Response to the World. In our conversations, which take place by Skype, we realized that God is inviting our community to respond, not just to the pain and brokenness in the world, but to its beauty as well.

I enjoyed the work we were doing and looked forward to seeing Doug and Jeff’s faces pop up on my computer screen, but I didn’t like seeing mine.

No wonder I had trouble valuing beauty! From a young age, I haven’t been able to wrap my mind around a God who delights in beauty yet didn’t create me with this gift. I clung to statements like “Beauty is only skin deep” and verses like 1 Samuel 16:7, “People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” But these consoling messages
only confirmed the fact that I’m not that attractive.

Now that I knew why I was afraid to love beauty, a new way of coming to terms with it seemed possible. I felt hopeful enough to e-mail Doug and Jeff and let them know I had an “aha” moment.

The next time we skyped, Doug asked me to tell them about it. I wished I hadn’t said anything. How would I explain it to them without feeling embarrassed?

But I did. And as I did, Doug wiped tears from his eyes.

They both confessed that they didn’t like seeing their faces on the screen either.

“But, when I look at you, I see brothers that I love so much,” I said.

“That’s how we see you too!” Doug replied.

“Can you believe, when we look at you, we see someone we love?” Jeff asked.

I nodded.

If anyone had walked in on our “I love you, man!” conversation, they might have thought it was the sappiest moment in SoulStream history. But that moment helped me picture God creating me and being immensely pleased with my beauty.

Daisies by Peter Miller

  God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.
— Genesis 1:31 (NIV)

Credits and references:
“Be Beautiful” by Ben Grey. Used with permission.
“Daisies” by Peter Miller. Used with permission.
Beauty: The Invisible Embrace by John O’Donohue
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com
Posted in Creation, Popular Posts, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 11 Comments

Questioned by a Strawflower

Posted on June 12, 2015 by Esther Hizsa

Jpeg

Five tight buds, glossy purple lollipops, greeted me as I passed them on my way to morning prayers. Many flowers that I recognized were blooming at Twin Creeks Lodge–iris, geraniums, petunias, pansies, and daisies–but I had never seen buds like these before. By mid-morning, one had opened up to the sun. “It’s a strawflower,” someone told me.

Next morning, there were five buds again. Had I been seeing things? Where was the flower? Before noon the blossom reappeared: it closed at night and opened in the day!

Every time I passed the strawflowers during the Living from the Heart intensive, I looked to see what they were doing. And they, in turn, looked at me and asked, “Are you open or closed?”

I’m one of the facilitators of SoulStream‘s spiritual formation course. In the week-long intensive, Deb Arndt, Jeff Imbach and I introduced ancient prayer practices and explained contemplative living to the participants. We had the privilege of watching them open up to God and to one another. Our job was to help them recognize the Real Teacher in their lives.

It sounds easier than it is. At times, I was as tight as a bud, anxious that I might say or do something that would inhibit God’s work in a participant’s life. The strawflower invited me to relax and open myself to the sun. So did morning and evening prayers, the lighting of the Christ candle, the gathering of this little community as we ate, shared and laughed together. Even the rhythm of my breath–full, then empty, then full again–encouraged me to trust that God was at work in me too.

By the end of our time together, spring had ended and summer arrived. The strawflower no longer needed to retreat at night. I long for the day when I will remain open to God and bask in Love’s warmth. But for now, I sense, it’s enough to listen to the flowers.

bracteantha_magenta_500px

“Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.
I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.
Keep company with me
and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
— Matthew 11:29-30 (MSG)

Credits:
“Strawflower buds at Twin Creeks” by Fred Hizsa. Used with permission.
“Bracteantha Magenta” by Fleming’s Nurseries. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com
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The Other Voice in My Head

Posted on June 5, 2015 by Esther Hizsa

Wrong Way by Crystal

I’m doing it wrong.

The voice in my head didn’t mince words. What “it” referred to wasn’t something innocuous like following a recipe; it was my whole spiritual life.

Sometimes I’m so confident. I write confidently; I live confidently. Other times I have no idea what I am doing or why or if it really matters.

This voice in my head isn’t solely mine: it’s a collection of every voice I have ever heard, human or divine. Thankfully this composite voice is not the only one in my head. God, pure and loving, lives there too.

Slowing down enabled me to hear this destabilizing judgment. At first, it made me want to give up altogether. But as I sat with it, I heard the voice of Love. That voice said, “Hmm. You know, that wasn’t Me who said that.”

God brought to mind a dear friend who appears to be doing life all wrong (and people constantly remind him of it). I imagined God seeing him and celebrating the successes others don’t see. I know God is proud of him.

And what about me, God? Are you proud of me?

Hafiz, a fourteenth century Persian poet, once wrote, “I am a hole in a flute that Christ’s breath moves through—listen to this music.”

And this is what Hafiz played me:

It used to be
that when I would wake in the morning
I could with confidence say,
“What am ‘I’ going to
do?”
That was before the seed
cracked open.
Now Hafiz is certain:
There are two of us housed
in this body,
doing the shopping together in the market and
tickling each other
while fixing the evening’s food.
Now when I awake
all the internal instruments play the same music:
“God, what love-mischief can ‘We’ do
for the world
today?”

Confident or not, right or wrong, up or down, it doesn’t matter. Whatever I’m doing, I’m not doing it alone. There are two of us housed in this body, and as longs as One of us knows how to love, the world will be blessed.

Steveston 048copy

 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord. — Isaiah 55:8

Credits and references:
“Wrong Way” by Crystal. Used with permission.
“Seed Cracked Open” by Hafiz in The Gift by Hafiz (Author), Daniel Ladinsky (Translator). Used with permission.
“Splash!” by Anne Yungwirth. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Poetry, Popular Posts, Poverty of Spirit, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 239 Comments

Life in the Slow Lane

Posted on May 29, 2015 by Esther Hizsa

Down from Mt Brandywine

After eight slow days on the “mountain” with God, I wanted to maintain a more leisurely pace back in the valley of the shadow of life.

I took a hard look at my calendar and wondered how I was going to do everything without rushing. In addition to my usual work, I had promised to help my friend move. He had been homeless for a while and now finally found a place nearby. He didn’t have much; I could fit most of what he had temporarily stored at the church into my car. So I thought this would be a half-hour job.

The operative word here is “most.” What didn’t fit in had to be attached to a bike trailer that he built while I waited. The man’s an absolute genius with what he can construct with a set of tools and stuff destined for the dump. But it ended up taking four hours and there was nothing I could do but watch and wait.

Yet I sensed God knew that. God was fully aware of all I needed to do and–with divine wisdom–had decided I could afford to spend the afternoon this way. So I relaxed a little and went with the flow. The next day our contemplative group reflected on God’s expansive love.

What came to me in the silence was that I had joined God in loving our friend, and that meant a lot to both of them. I didn’t feel it at the time I was helping him; I had felt bored and impatient. But afterwards, when I saw the smile on my friend’s face, I felt good.

“Slow down,” God says when I am tempted to rush. “Trust me. Everything will get done on time.”

So I’m trying to engage my slow-twitch muscles. I’m taking time to listen longer to others and to myself while I bike places instead of driving. I’ve noticed that I begrudge the time it takes to prepare a meal or tidy my things. Perhaps I could learn to enjoy these activities instead.

Meanwhile, God, like a crossing guard, holds back the traffic of my life with one hand, halts the oncoming world with the other, and says, “Don’t rush her. She’s doing important work here.”

A Snail's Pace by Ken Slade

Let me serve love with my strength this day,
let me serve love with my strength.
In heart and mind and body this day
let me serve love.
— J. Philip Newell

Credits and References: “Coming down from Brandywine Mountain, B.C.” by Fred Hizsa. Used with permission. “A Snail’s Pace” by Ken Slade. used with permission. We were reflecting on Ephesians 3:14-21. Sounds of the Eternal: A Celtic Psalter by J. Philip Newell (Tuesday morning prayers)
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com
Posted in Ignatian Spirituality, Poverty of Spirit, Stories, Wednesday Lunch Club | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

When We Don’t Receive the Grace We Asked for

Posted on May 22, 2015 by Esther Hizsa

I've got nothing Garrett Charles

One more thing I want to share with you about my eight-day retreat. Following Ignatius’s example, Sylvester, my spiritual director for the week, encouraged me to ask God for the particular grace I wanted to receive from God in each prayer. For example, in one prayer I asked for the grace to have a felt knowledge of God’s love for me. In another, Sylvester suggested I ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to me what I received from my childhood.

Sometimes I received the grace I asked for, but other times I didn’t. When I talked with Sylvester about it, he wasn’t perturbed in the least. “If we don’t receive the grace we ask for, that’s all right. We can trust that God will give us what we need in due course,” he said. “However, if we feel responsible for receiving any grace, this will lead us away from God into desolation.”

That reminded me of something Sylvester explained earlier in the week. He talked about Jesus being “Lord.” He said, “That word is out of fashion these days, because we don’t have lords or subjects any more. But in Jesus’s day they did. Subjects did whatever their lord wanted and lords, knowing their subjects were completely dependent on them, took care of their every need.”

It’s hard to imagine this system working well because many lords abused their power and neglected their responsibility. But what about Lord Jesus? Now he is a lord that takes his role seriously. So much so, that he laid down his life for his subjects. Night and day he attends to every detail of our lives and does whatever it takes to enable us to receive and give love. Sometimes “whatever it takes” includes not answering our prayers the way we would like him to.

Ignatius believed that “all the things in this world are gifts of God, presented to us so that we can know God more easily and make a return of love more readily.”

“But what if I’m doing something wrong when I pray that is blocking God from giving me the wisdom or strength that I need?” I asked.

Once again Sylvester smiled at me lovingly. “You worry about God, and God will worry about you.”

That meant I don’t have to fix myself or try to be more than I am, even if being “more” would make life so much easier. All I need to do is receive what my Lord gives. Good Lord, what a concept!

Hand through Wild Grass by Lloyd Morgan

“See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labour or spin. Yet I tell
you that not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these.
If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and
tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of
little faith? Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life… But seek first
his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you
as well.” — Matthew 6:25-33 (NIV)

 

Credits and references:
“I’ve Got Nothing” by Garrett Charles. Used with permission.
An excerpt from Principal and Foundation of the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises,  paraphrased by David L. Fleming.
“Hand in Wild Grass” by Lloyd Morgan. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com

 

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Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop

Posted on May 15, 2015 by Esther Hizsa

leaves by Paul

I can’t spend a whole week on retreat with a holy God and not be confronted with my sins, I thought. Yet every time Sylvester assigned scriptures for me to pray with, it never came up. I started to believe I was going to avoid the painful subject altogether.

However, I did notice that God brought a number of things to my awareness. I saw ways in which I looked at others or myself that could be framed in a different light. For example, instead of comparing myself to someone and feeling inadequate, I could be thankful that God gave them the grace to do what was needed. It wasn’t until much later that I realized I had been judgemental.

Blemish by Dave Shafer

God’s gentleness reminded me of a quote by Julian of Norwich, who lived in the fourteenth century. She said.  “The mark of sovereign friendship of our courteous Lord is that he keeps us so tenderly while we are in sin; and furthermore he touches us so secretly and shows us our sin by the sweet light of mercy and grace.”

In one of my prayer periods, I watched a “sinful” woman wash Jesus’s feet with her tears and anoint them with perfume and saw his grateful response. In another, Jesus washed my feet just as tenderly. First he wept over all my suffering, taking every hurtful slight and painful action I had experienced onto himself. Then he kissed my feet, absorbing all the suffering I have caused others.

Although foot washing was a lowly job, Jesus didn’t begrudge doing it or scold me for getting my feet dirty. He wanted to do it. It was his way of showing me the full extent of his love.

Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his love.  — John 13:1 (NIV, 1978)

Credits and references:
“Autumn Leaves 2” by Paul. used with permission.
“Blemish” by Dave Shafer. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com
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