The Parable of the Simple E-mail

Has this ever happened to you? You get an e-mail that explains a situation and then asks for a response. It seems simple and straightforward and you reply. But as soon as you press “send” you realize you didn’t read the e-mail carefully enough and missed a key piece of information.

If it makes you feel any better, this happens to me a lot. Far too often I have to send a follow-up email with “oops” in the subject line.

Sower Road Madison.Murphy

I am preaching on the Parable of the Sower this Sunday, and I’m thinking about Jesus’ question, “Are you listening, really listening?”

Jesus used everyday examples of bread, coins, sheep, and seeds to tell parables. Yet there was always a twist, something culturally unexpected, like a shepherd that would leave ninety-nine sheep unguarded to go off and find the one that was lost. His parables surprised and confused people.

This was intentional. Jesus wanted them to listen deeply and hear something different in what he was saying. His listeners had perceptions of God or God’s kingdom that weren’t true, and his parables challenged these perceptions. If they listened, really listened, they would hear the truth about God, and that truth would change how they lived and bear fruit in their lives.

Sower Withered Madison.Murphy

 

Jesus still uses everyday things to tell parables–like the Parable of the Simple Email. This parable isn’t about how I respond to emails; it’s not about how I respond at all.  That’s the surprise. It’s about how I listen.

The parable invites me to slow down and listen more carefully to others, not just to their words, but to them–to listen under what they are saying and hear what they’re experiencing. He wants me to hear what’s true: that they’re sad, lonely, excited, at peace, afraid, or losing hope.

Jesus calls me to listen with him.

Some truth can be too much to bear. But he promises to bear it with me, helps me pray for them, and teaches me how to respond.

Sower Thorns Madison.Murphy

He sows the seeds of his kingdom everywhere.  And if I listen, really listen to the parables in my life, I may recognize my false perceptions and be changed. And that change, Jesus promises, will bear fruit.

Sower Rooted Madison. Murphy

 

Credits and references:
Luke 8:4-8 (The Message)
Images of the Parable of the Sower by Madison Murphy. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
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Seeing

grass seed pod by Ed DahlA friend of mine recently returned from a three hundred kilometre pilgrimage in the United Kingdom. She and her husband walked twenty-five kilometres a day, much of it in silence. As they walked, she experienced a deepening stillness that enabled her to see far more than she had when they set out. She said, “At first I took photographs of things I wanted to remember; by the end I was taking pictures of what I saw.”

I felt drawn to the inner stillness that opened her eyes in the same way Jesus opened the eyes of the man born blind.

It never ceases to amaze me that the first thing that man ever saw was Jesus–standing right in front of him.

Jesus is right in front of us. Psalm 139 attests that there is no place we can possibly be where God is not, even in the darkest night of depression, pain, or grief. But often we don’t see him.

Perhaps it is because we are moving too quickly.

If there was ever a person honed in the art of slowing down and seeing God in her everyday life, it is Annie Dillard. She writes,

When I was six or seven years old, growing up in Pittsburgh, I used to take a precious penny of my own and hide it for someone-else to find. It was a curious compulsion; sadly, I’ve never been seized by it since. For some reason I always “hid” the penny along the same stretch of side-­walk up the street. I would cradle it at the roots of a sycamore, say, or in a hole left by a chipped-off piece of side-walk. Then I would take a piece of chalk, and, starting at either end of the block, draw huge arrows leading up to the penny from both directions. After I learned to write I labeled the arrows: SURPRISE AHEAD or MONEY THIS WAY.  I was greatly excited, during all this arrow-drawing, at the thought of the first lucky passer-by who would receive in this way, regardless of merit, a free gift from the universe. But I never lurked about. I would go straight home and not give the matter another thought, until, some months later, I would be gripped again by the impulse to hide another penny.

It is still the first week in January, and I’ve got great plans. I’ve been thinking about seeing. There are lots of things to see, unwrapped gifts and free surprises. The world is fairly studded and strewn with pennies cast broad­side from a generous hand. But–and this is the point­–who gets excited by a mere penny? If you follow one arrow, if you crouch motionless on a bank to watch a tremulous ripple thrill on the water and are rewarded by the sight of a muskrat kit paddling from its den, will you count that sight a chip of copper only, and go your rueful way? It is dire poverty indeed when a man is so malnourished and fatigued that he won’t stoop to pick up a penny. But if you cultivate a healthy poverty and simplicity, so that finding a penny will literally make your day, then, since the world is in fact planted in pennies, you have with your poverty bought a lifetime of days. It is that simple. What you see is what you get.

– Annie Dillard, Pilgrim at Tinker Creek

fawn in the trees by Ed Dahl

O Generous God,
help us slow down
and walk with you
in eye-opening stillness.
Amen.

*

Credits:
Photos by Ed Dahl. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Mindfulness, Prayer | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

Will I Open My Heart to God?

 Blessed Trinity,
I receive your love, your presence and this day as a gift from you.
I open my heart to you.
Please lead me deeper into your transforming love
as we live these next hours together.
Amen.

Amaryliss Opening up by Bill Gracie

Every morning, along with others in our dispersed SoulStream community, I say this prayer. The first sentence tells us what God does. All Three Persons of the Trinity love us, remain with us, and give us each day.

The second line, the line I most often forget to say, reminds me of what I must do: open my heart to God. But will I do it?

I picture myself opening up my heart. Inside is my life, not as I’d like it to be, but as it is. I feel anxious, like I did that day the minister came to visit and asked to use the washroom. The main one was occupied and before I could stop Fred, he ushered the reverend into our bedroom and into the ensuite bathroom–the only two rooms I hadn’t cleaned.

Opening our hearts to receive anyone’s presence is a risky business. Inevitably they will find our grimy edges and be tempted to judge us. And sometimes they do.

It takes courage to let Jesus wander around your house. But when I am brave enough to invite him in, I am often surprised by what he notices and how he responds.

Like the time I had an argument with someone. It was days before I could meet Jesus at the door and look him in the eye. He noticed my apprehension and said softly, “I know why you’ve been avoiding me. You think I’ll take his side.”

Amaryliss- a work in progressAs soon as I began to pray, I knew it was true. I sat with that thought in the spacious silence until the din of fear receded, and it was quiet enough to hear God’s heart.

I asked Jesus what he saw.

The Holy Spirit stirred in my belly, sending a warmth into my chest. My shoulders and arms relaxed. I felt how important it was to God that I had spoken up for myself and been heard. I knew it without a doubt.

As I sat longer with Jesus, I also understood what the other person was trying to say and why he was angry.

In the last line of the prayer, I ask the Triune God to lead us deeper into his transforming love as we live in this world together. And I can see that is exactly what God was doing.

Photo Credits:
Morning Prayer of the SoulStream Community written by Karen Webber. Used with permission.
“Amaryliss Opening Up” by Bill Gracey. Used with permission.
“Amaryliss” by Bill Gracey. Used with permission. 
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Mystical, Prayer, Stories | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

Praying in the Cracks

joannagoddard.blogspot.comI went to my first spiritual director a dozen years ago while I was studying at Regent College.

After a few sessions my director said gently, “You have a lot of noisy, discouraging tapes playing in your head. I can’t compete with them.”

I swallowed hard. “What can I do?”

“Do you pray?” she asked.

“Yes. Sometimes. Not as much as I’d like.”

“How about praying in the cracks?”

“The what?”

“The cracks. The spaces that naturally occur in your day as you walk from one class to another, as you stand in line at the grocery store, or even as you wait for an elevator.  In those spare moments, instead of thinking about what you need to do next or trying to solve problems, just allow God to love you.”

“That’s it?”

“Yes. Do you think you can do that?”

“Sure,” I said skeptically.

“Trust me. If you pray in the cracks, it will change your life.”

As I walked from her office to the bus stop, I decided to try it. I began to pray and all kinds of thoughts flooded into my mind: things I should pray for, things I should do. Then I looked down at a crack in the sidewalk and stopped. Just allow God to love you, she had said.

jesusneedsnewpr.netLeaves—golden and red—caught my eye. Dry brown ones crunched under foot. I listened to the birds and the laughter in the distance, and I thought about being God’s beloved child.

After that, whenever I found myself waiting for anything (and remembered to pray), I quieted my heart and imagined God saying to me, “You are my beloved child, with you I am well pleased.”

In those cracks God deposited seeds of Christ’s kingdom. Before long I found myself relaxing in the shade of a mustard tree, with more freedom to pray and enjoy God’s presence.

A dozen years later I still pray in the cracks. And those old tapes? They’re not as loud as they used to be.

Credits:
Photo from The Bean and Bear
Painting by Christian Asuh
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.com.
Posted in Popular Posts, Prayer, Spiritual Direction, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , | 3 Comments

In This Precise Location

the-big-bang-theory-cast

Howard, Leonard, Penny, Sheldon, and Raj in the TV series Big Bang Theory

I’m into the second week of my cold with little energy to do more than watch Big Bang Theory. I borrowed Season Three from the library and put my feet up. In one episode a guest is invited to Leonard and Sheldon’s apartment. She is about to sit down in the vacant spot on the couch when Howard, Raj, and Leonard gasp in unison. “You can’t sit there! That’s where Sheldon sits.”

“Can’t he sit somewhere else?” the newbie asks as if this were a reasonable possibility. Before Sheldon can explain, Penny, the girl next door who is generally irritated with the obsessively compulsive genius, recites–word for word–Sheldon’s rationale for needing to sit in that precise location. Sheldon is delighted: Penny understands him.

It’s a touching scene and a welcome interlude from my current reality. My cold is getting me down. I’m bothered by things I have said and done and regret the inconveniences I caused others. When I record them in my journal I realize they’re rather minor. The offended will survive. I bet my transgressions are no longer on anyone’s mind but mine. That doesn’t comfort me though. If such little things bother me, I’m not doing very well. 

I’ve felt this way before; it will pass. But in the meantime I wish I weren’t in this overly sensitive place again. I think of all the reasons why I landed in this precise location: not enough prayer or exercise top the list.

I tell God how disappointed I am in myself. And what do I hear in response?

He simply says, “I know.”

Just like Penny, God doesn’t blame, he understands.

Unlike Penny, he can maintain that compassion for a whole episode.

moonbeams_by_jessie_willcox_smith_print-raf74f29c46f64a40acf53e386e34f3b8_tqm_8byvr_512

 

Blessed Trinity,
I receive your love, your presence and this day as a gift from you.
I open my heart to you.
Please lead me deeper into your transforming love
as we live these next hours together.
Amen.

– Morning Prayer of the SoulStream Community written by Karen Webber

 

Credits:
Image of cast of Big Bang Theory from Studio Systems News June 10, 2013
“Moonbeams” by Jessie Wilcox Smith (September 6, 1863 – May 3, 1935)
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Humour, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Opening Doors, Dropping Keys, and Setting Prisoners Free

Sunday morning the new guy preaches again. He jokes and sings. He’s not afraid to say what’s true.

He’s not afraid.

He sees the stressed look on my face and winks. The man reminds me of Hafiz—the way he goes about humming and opening doors.

I take a deep breath of fresh air and give thanks.

Open Gate by Tym

Dropping Keys
– Hafiz

The small man
Builds cages for everyone
He
Knows.
While the sage,
Who has to duck his head
When the moon is low,
Keeps dropping keys all night long
For the
Beautiful
Rowdy
Prisoners.

“The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
    because he has anointed me
    to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
    and recovery of sight for the blind,
to set the oppressed free…” – Luke 4:18 (NIV)

Credits:
The featured image of birds in flight,  not visible in every format, is by Anne Yungwirth. Used with permission.
“Dropping Keys” is in The Gift: Poems by Hafiz translated by Daniel Ladinsky, 1999. Used with permission.
“Open Gate” by Tym. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Poetry, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Settling Accounts With My Fears

I hang up the phone and bite my lip. Did I say too much? Push too hard? Why did she have to hang up so suddenly? I took a risk and challenged her perspective; now I fear the worst. I’m afraid she’ll stop talking to me. I feel powerless. It weighs on me while I go for a bike ride with Fred.*

Anxiety prompts me to keep returning to my inner Fortress and pray, “Help. Please.”

The phone rings when we get home. It’s the same woman calling back. She explains why she had to end the call so abruptly and says she’ll think about what I said. I breathe out a thank you as I hang up the phone.

I enjoy the relief for a while until… another fear takes its place! I picture a whole queue of fears extending around velvet ropes and stanchions. The fears fidget and sigh as each one waits for its turn to make deposits and withdrawals. Sheesh! Will this ever end?

Queue by hktang

bleah
The fear staring at me now reminds me that in a week I’m leading our monthly prayer retreat. “What’s your scripture? What’s your plan?” it demands to know. The questions send ripples of tension across my shoulders and down my arms.

Once again I return to my Fortress and pray, “Help. Please.” 

I don’t like these fears; I’d like to close my wicket and be rid of the lot of them.

“O that You would vanquish my fears, Beloved,” writes Nan C. Merrill in her paraphrase of Psalm 139. But then she goes on to say, “Yet are these not the very thorns that focus my thoughts upon You?”

I may be discouraged by the long line up of fears, but Jesus isn’t. He knows they serve a purpose: they bring me back to him.

I hope one day I won’t need them… or at least need fewer of them.  I suspect that when my fears have nothing useful left to offer me, Jesus will gladly close their accounts.

*

*Details have been changed in this story to protect the privacy of the person involved.
Credits:
“Queue” by hktang. Used with permission.
Psalm 139 is from Psalms For Praying:An Invitation to Wholeness by Nan C. Merrill
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Poverty of Spirit, Prayer, Stories | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

What Jesus Cares About

A Field in Seed by Ed Dahl

A Field of Dandelions in Seed by Ed Dahl

Walking home from the store I run into “Philip,” a guy in the neighbourhood who attends our church once in a while. He smiles and says hello, but frowns when I ask him how he’s doing. He tells me again about his visits to the doctor, the constant pain, the cut in support funding, the struggle to make ends meet. I encourage him again to go to the church for prayer on Tuesday nights. He describes again the websites that stop him from going to church. According to them, most churches have been doing it all wrong. “I get so confused,” he says, “I don’t know what to do.”

We talk for a while, and then I say, “Don’t worry about figuring it all out. That’s not what Jesus cares about. What he really cares about is you and hanging out with you.”

Afterwards I feel bad for trying to fix Philip instead of listening more deeply. Lord, please help Philip. And help me be a  better listener.

The next morning I sit down to pray and recall my Grade 5 teacher, Mrs. Sidon. She was old (at least fifty) and stocky with short, tight curly grey hair and round wire-framed glasses. She wore plain dark dresses and orthopaedic shoes and liked to hold the wooden pointer when she taught. She was so strict that everyone dreaded going into Grade 5.

But I liked Mrs. Sidon; she was kind to me.

Whenever I was bullied or teased at school I would cry and run to the teacher. One lunch hour I was upset about something and found Mrs.Sidon in our empty classroom. She wiped my tears with her handkerchief and looked me in the eyes. “Ten-year-olds aren’t supposed to cry so much, ” she said.  So I stopped.

Mrs. Sidon didn’t ask me why I cried so much. She didn’t ask questions like that. Instead she gave me a valuable tool that helped me survive elementary school.

I sense an inner prompting to thank God for her, and I do.

I enjoy the feeling of gratitude for a moment until regret about how I spoke to Philip pushes it aside. That’s when I hear Jesus thank me for giving Philip a valuable tool to survive. “It’s what you had in you at the time, and it was enough,” Jesus says to me, “Thank you.”

Boundless gratitude is my soul’s response.

Photo by Anne Yungwirth

O my Beloved,
You have searched me and known me…
You encompass me with love where’er I go, and Your strength is my shield.
Such sensitivity is too wonderful for me;
It is high; boundless gratitude is my soul’s response.
–Psalm 139:1,6

from Psalms for Praying: An Invitation to Wholeness by Nan C. Merrill.

Credits:
“A Field of Dandelions in Seed” by Ed Dahl. Used with permission.
“Blowies” by Anne Yungwirth. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Childhood, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

God, How Are You Loving Me in This?

Jesus photography Rudolf VlčekSteep your life in God-reality.
— Matthew 6:33 (The Message)

Before I published last Friday’s post, I e-mailed Steve Imbach for permission to share his story about the sleepless night. In response he said, “If it were now I would probably ask, ‘God, how are you loving me in this?’”

When life is difficult, we often ask “God, where are you?” (assuming he is absent) or “What am I doing wrong?” (assuming God is punishing us). But when we are “steeped in God-reality” and know how good, compassionate, and attentive God is, we can ask, “God, how are you loving me in this?”

This summer I had a conversation with someone and I could tell by their body language that they were hurt or angry with me. That caused me to have a sleepless night.

I told myself to stop being so sensitive and not to worry about it. I tried distracting myself until the nagging feelings went away.

When that didn’t work, I tried to fix the situation that caused the uncomfortable feelings in the first place. I asked God, “What did I do wrong?”

For days I was convinced that the only thing Jesus wanted to tell me was that I should think before I speak and be more considerate. But Jesus wasn’t interested in giving me a report card.

During a silent retreat, he whispered, “Psst. Ask me how I am loving you in this.”

My Abba reminded me of the cell phone, the cleft in the rock, and the story of how he calmed the storm and how they spoke of his maternal and secure love for me. Then, he asked me a question, “What are you afraid of?”

In the silence I thought about his question and how badly I felt about that disturbing conversation. Suddenly I knew what I was afraid of and why.

worried child studiobakerWhen I was a child I could be picked on for any number of things. I always wanted to know what I was doing wrong, so I didn’t do it again. If I could do things right, then I would be safe and people would stop picking on me.

In God’s great calm I saw it as plain as day: I am afraid of doing things wrong. I have to get things right to be safe.

Jesus wanted me to notice all this, so I could envision another way to live. He was inviting me into a new reality, where I don’t have to get things right to be safe.

“I’ll be your safe place, your rock and fortress.” Jesus keeps saying, “and every time you see the scratches on your cell phone, I’ll remind you of that.”

 Lovely Feet by Amancay MaahsGod, the one and only—
    I’ll wait as long as he says.
Everything I need comes from him,
    so why not?
He’s solid rock under my feet,
    breathing room for my soul,
An impregnable castle:
    I’m set for life.
Psalm 62:1,2 (The Message)

*
Credits:
Jesus Photography” by Rudolf Vlček
“Worry” by Studiobaker
“Lovely Feet”  by Amancay Maahs
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Childhood, Popular Posts, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

God Isn’t Always Trying to Teach Us Stuff

 “If God speaks anywhere, it is into our personal lives that he speaks…”
– Frederick Buechner, Now and Then: A Memoir of Vocation

photo by Anne Yungwirth

God knows our thoughts even before we do (Psalm 139). And having heard all our thoughts, God must have a lot to say. Could our lives be open libraries full of the other half of our conversations with God?

Buechner says, “[God] speaks not just through the sounds we hear, of course, but through events in all their complexity and variety, through the harmonies and disharmonies and counterpoint of all that happens… [but] to try to express in even the most insightful and theologically sophisticated terms the meaning of what God speaks through the events of our lives is as precarious a business as to try to express the meaning of the sound of rain on the roof or the spectacle of the setting sun… ” (Now and Then: A Memoir of Vocation).

When I first began the “precarious business” of deciphering God’s messages, I kept listening for what God was trying to teach me. I was sure I was doing something wrong and that God, ever vigilant, wanted to fix me. 

Then, in my spiritual direction training, Steve Imbach shared this story.

Steve said, “Once when I was travelling, I spent a sleepless night on an uncomfortable bed. In the middle of the night I cried out, ‘God, what are you trying to teach me? I’d like to know, so I can learn it and get back to sleep.’  Immediately I heard the inner voice of God reply, ‘I’m not trying to teach you anything.’ That’s when I realized God isn’t always trying to teach us stuff.”    

Policeman in a classroom Philip Howard Flickr                                                                                                                     

Imagine a long-term relationship with someone who’s only concerned with what they can teach you. There would always be a distance between the two of you, with one feeling burdened and the other inadequate.

Jesus loves us and does express that love by guiding and correcting us, but he is more than a teacher. He is also our friend, our brother, and our husband (since the church is the bride of Christ). So he expresses his love in many ways: by comforting us when troubled, by bringing reconciliation and healing, and by helping us find meaning and purpose. He enjoys giving us what we need and hides these gifts out in the open for us to find. More than anything else, Jesus loves being with us.

And he keeps telling us that in a God kind of a way… a heart in a mug handle, a finger-painted sunset, a cancelled appointment that gives us breathing room, and a cell phone that survives being run over by a car.

heart mug

This is my Father’s world.
He shines in all that’s fair.
In the rustling grass, I hear him pass.
He speaks to me everywhere.
 Maltbie D. Babcock, “This is My Father’s World,” 1901.

*

Photo Credits:
“If You Can’t Beat It, Enjoy It” by Anne Yungwirth. Used with permission.
Policeman in a Classroom” by Philip Howard. Used with permission.
Coffee Made with Love” by Karen Tjøstelsdatter. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Childhood, Popular Posts | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments