Our Darkest Hour

awesome full moon rick smothermanTomorrow is the first day of summer in the southern hemisphere. But for those of us on the other side of the world, winter begins with the longest night of the year.  Advent comes to a climax in our darkest hour.

I began the Advent season with a confidence that has been repeatedly derailed. (I must confess I haven’t yet said “yes” in capital letters to anyone that asked me if I’m ready for Christmas.) I was ready for moments of wonder and joy–and they have come–but I have also been tripped by feelings of inadequacy and tempted to just “get through it.” I look around and see others struggling to keep their heads above water too. These dark days make me increasingly aware of how broken we all are and how desperately we need God.

Desperation prepares our hearts like nothing else.

Two weeks ago I was having a bowl of soup with “Tom” who has been homeless since spring. Before I could sit down he wanted a hug. In the three years I’ve known this man, he’s never asked me for a hug.

“I was arrested,” he said, “for no good reason. The cops held me for twelve hours.  When I asked for my stuff back they said they were keeping it… for evidence.”

“What?!”

“They took everything I owned. I managed to get another backpack and sleeping bag from Progressive Housing and someone gave me these pants, but they were made for a f***ing midget.”

He finished his soup and left before I could find words to comfort him.

In a staff meeting that afternoon we prayed for Tom, but I kept imagining him irritated by Christmas carols, frustrated with an empty-handed God.

Tom returned the following Wednesday.  “Look at me,” he said grinning and showing off his fur-lined coat.

“What happened?”

“Things went from bad to worse and I didn’t know what to do. I had nothing. Finally I cried out to God, ‘I need clothes. And I know you can provide them.’ Within five minutes I found this! I’m not kidding, five minutes later I received this coat and these clothes.” He held open his coat so I could see his new shirt, jeans and shoes.

Öèôðîâàÿ ðåïðîäóêöèÿ íàõîäèòñÿ â èíòåðíåò-ìóçåå Gallerix.ruHe went on. “I never believed God loved me, but I now know it. I know he loves me,” he said and began to weep. “These are not tears of sadness, but tears of joy. I’m the prodigal son come home. God put a robe around me and shoes on my feet.”

Tom wrapped his fingers around the soft fur with the same wonder Mary felt as she caressed her newborn son and Saviour.

The true light, that gives light to all people, has come into our world. It shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.

Mary said:
“My soul glorifies the Lord
     and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
   for he has been mindful
    of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
    for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
    holy is his name…”
-Luke 1:46b-49

Images: Awesome Full Moon by Rick Smotherman, used with permission.
The Return of the Prodigal Son, Pompeo Batoni, 1773,
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Advent, Homelessness, Poverty of Spirit, Stories, Wednesday Lunch Club | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Incarnation: Some Assembly Required

Georges Rouault

Incarnation: Some Assembly Required

I open my door
to welcome all that You are
and
PUT everyone comes in

anxious
thoughtful
joyous
distraught
expectant
ANGRY
PUT (with compassion crushing
PUT blame baring
PUT vulnerability)
lost

God unassembled

I feel
Your need
to be
PUT us

Ademaro Bardelli 1934 Italy*

The Word became flesh and blood,
and moved into the neighbourhood.
– John 1:14 (The Message)

*
*
*
Credits:
“Christ and Apostles” by Georges Rouault, 1871-1958
Ademaro Bardelli, 1934
“Incarnation: Some Assembly Required”  by Esther Hizsa, 2013.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2013.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Advent, Poetry, Poverty of Spirit, Prayer | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

A Mysterious Place of Meeting

file0001561384333I spent three days on Bowen Island walking, praying, and watching the seagulls.  I noticed that when one or two birds landed on the calm sea others followed. God seemed to be telling me that as I rest in him, others will be drawn to his rest as well.

I loved this peaceful, attractive image and carried it home.

On the ferry ride back every noise sounded amplified. The ship’s horn signalled the return of Real Life. I joined the queue and disembarked into a sea of tense faces, deadlines, e-mails, phone messages, disappointments, and complications.

Seagulls by o0o0xmods0o0o

The next two days offer no solitude. I notice that I am irritable and judgmental. People squawk and fly off.

Two o’clock in the morning, I’m awake. Tired of tossing and turning, I get up and try to pray and write this mood out of me. My own words land, flick cold wet thoughts:

I am ready to welcome and receive…
    all of who you are
    and all of who I am.

No, I’m not. I don’t like all of who I am. I don’t like being irritable or unkind. I want to be that gentle bird floating peacefully, attractively.

A wise person told me that our weaknesses endear us to God.

He quoted Johannes B. Metz. “Only through poverty of spirit do we draw near to God; only through it does God draw near to us. Poverty of spirit is the meeting point of heaven and earth, the mysterious place where God and we encounter each other.”

When I first heard that quote, I couldn’t quite picture “poverty of spirit.” Now I not only see it, I feel its salty chill.

Sometimes I have the grace to be still and, out of God’s silence, say the words that draw others to God.

And sometimes I’m just another scrappy gull in a restless flock.

But the Spirit reminds me that God loves all of who I am. Jesus not only meets me in my contented stillness but mysteriously descends into my soul’s stable and makes his home there.

2-Nativity

Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
— Matthew 5:3

Images:
Seagull by dieraecherin. Used with permission.
Seagulls by o0o0xmods0o0o. Used with permission.
Nativity by He Qi
The “wise person” is Rob Des Cotes.
Johannes B. Metz, Poverty of Spirit, 1968
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Advent, Easter, Poverty of Spirit, Rob Des Cotes, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Getting (Sort of) Ready to Celebrate Christ’s Birth

the-nativity-by-gerard-van-honthorst1In two days Advent begins and with it comes that stress-inducing question: Are you ready for Christmas? Those words produce a flurry of images—shopping, decorating, baking, Christmas cards, and list making—that sends chills of expectations through my soul. I’m overwhelmed before I begin. How will I ever do it all?

So I’ve decided that when anyone asks me that question, no matter what I’ve done or haven’t done, I’m going to say “YES!” Because I am ready to celebrate Christ’s birth.

An Advent Prayer

Jesus, I am ready. 

I am ready to meet you daily…
      reflect on your birth,
      and notice how your story impacts mine.

 I am ready to be silent…
     and let myself adore you. 

I am ready to wonder.
     How would you like to be celebrated?
     What gifts shall we give?

I am ready to let go…
     of things on my list that aren’t on yours.

I am ready to gather with others…
      to sing, worship, and celebrate. 

I am ready to welcome and receive…
    all of who you are
    and all of who I am.

 And that means…

I am ready to do all these things
     the only way I can
    imperfectly and inconsistently. 

Come thou long-expected Jesus.
Come now.
Don’t wait until I’m ready. 

*        *        *

Looking for some new reflective readings for Advent?

Magi Complete KellyPopcorn with a Spoon will be posting daily Advent readings called Face to Face. It is a compilation of family friendly (but not dumbed down) reflections written by six women from New Life Community Church in Burnaby, B.C., Canada: Kelly Dycavinu, Esther Hizsa, Susan Horikiri, Tanya Eichler, Kathy Krahn, and Linda Smythe.

If you would like to download the booklet here.

Godspace advent imageGodspace will be posting reflections under the theme Coming Home: Uncovering our Roots in the Advent Story. Contributors are from around the world—Australia, South Africa, Britain, U.S. and Canada—so will share a great array of perspectives that will be both thought-provoking and enriching. Periodically they will also add music, prayers and liturgies. You will also be able to access it on Facebook.

I have contributed guest posts on both blogs (Godspace: Monday Dec 2; Popcorn with a Spoon: the first one will be on Friday Dec 6). I will let you know when my other reflections are published.

Credits:
“The Nativity” by Gerard van Honthorst 1592–1656
“An Advent Prayer” by Esther Hizsa, 2013.
“Magi” by Kelly Dycavinu. Used by permission © Kelly Dycavinu and Popcorn with a Spoon, 2011-2013.
“Advent Prayer Garden” by Christine Sine Used by permission © Christine Sine and Godspace, 2013
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2013.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Advent, Christmas, Poetry, Popular Posts, Poverty of Spirit, Prayer | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

I’m Thinking of Ordering One of These

Brene Brown vulnerability hangover

Brene Brown photoBrené Brown posted this on her FB page on Nov 8, 2013: “I found the perfect image for ‘the vulnerability hangover’ – you know that feeling when you share too much and the next hour/day/week you feel like you’re wearing the emotional lampshade? I hate that feeling.”

The adjective used most often to describe my writing has been vulnerable. And so far I’m feeling okay about what I’ve shared. But I’m thinking about ordering one of these lampshades…  just in case.

Brené Brown is a research professor at The University of Houston. She has spent the past ten years studying vulnerability, courage, shame, and authenticity. www.brenebrown.comwww.ordinarycourage.com @brenebrown

© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Humour | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

Feeding a Fragile Desire

Kindness 2 by veres

I guess it’s time, I thought as I biked along. And in my spirit I knew I was ready to face my shame about overeating.

I meet with Karen, my spiritual director, regularly. The sacred space we share allows me to get a sense of what God is doing in my life. Over the years I talked with her about a number of things. But the one topic I managed to avoid until now was my attachment to food.

“I know I shouldn’t eat so much, but when it comes right down to it, I like eating. It’s pleasurable and gives me comfort. Relaxing with a snack and a book is my reward for a hard day’s work,” I told Karen. “But I’m gaining weight and my clothes don’t fit. My cholesterol is too high and the doctor said weight is a factor. And, it may sound silly, but to me overeating is unethical. Why should I eat more than what I need? I have all these good reasons not to overeat, but it doesn’t stop me from doing it.”

“What do you long for?” Karen asked.

“I want to be freed from this compulsion. I know it doesn’t glorify God, but that doesn’t seem to matter. I just turn my back on God and eat anyway.” Tears came as I spoke. “Every time I overeat I feel my heart hardening. I wish I had a softer heart.”

“Is there an image that would represent that desire for a soft heart?”

I closed my eyes and waited. After a while I opened them and said, “I can’t picture the desire. All I know is that it is fragile and Jesus is holding it with me.”

“A fragile desire that Jesus is holding with you,” she said and nodded. “How does that feel to you?”

“I like that Jesus is with me. That I am not alone in the struggle.  It reminds me of the quote by Richard Rohr, ‘God looks for the places in us that are trying to say yes.'”

I was about to grasp onto hope, when it dissipated. I teared up again. “These are all nice thoughts, but my desire for food is so much bigger than my desire for God. I am afraid it will be crushed.”

“Is there a prayer you could pray for this fragile desire?”

Then I saw it. Not right away. First the words came, then the image. I pictured Jesus holding a baby bird in our open hands. It was cheeping away, wanting to be fed. That vulnerable little bird represented my desire to love God more than anything else.

“I could ask God to feed my desire for him so it grows bigger than any other,” I said.

Karen smiled with wonder.

“Every morning when I pray ‘I open my heart to you,’ I can picture that little bird in our open hands and ask God to increase my desire for him,” I said with renewed hope.

I could do that.

As I rode my bike home from Karen’s, I asked God to increase my fragile desire. Many times a day I ask this and, as I do, I know God is feeding that hungry desire and filling my heart with love.

… for we know how dearly God loves us, and we feel this warm love everywhere within us because God has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.--Romans 5:5b TLB.

Credits & References:
Bird in hand veres. Used with permission.
Birds on Wire (visible as single post) Julie Falk Used with permission.
Quote by Richard Rohr is in Everything Belongs.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Mystical, Popular Posts, Spiritual Direction, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

It Takes a Community to End Homelessness

I received many compassionate e-mails in response to yesterday’s post. Thank you. You have greatly encouraged the hundreds of Burnaby residents advocating for others who are homeless or at risk or homelessness.

Above is a hot-off-the-press video called It Takes a Community to End Homelessness. It should answer a few questions you may have. There is more information on the Burnaby Task Force on Homelessness website.

Here are 5 simple, but powerful, things you can do to end Homelessness in Burnaby.

1. PRAY and listen to what God is calling you to do.

2. Go to the Burnaby Task Force on Homelessness website and endorse the work of Wanda Mulholland and the Task Force team of dedicated people from faith communities, government officials, R.C.M.P., business sector, Progressive Housing Society and other citizens.

3. Donate.

4. Volunteer

5. When you see a homeless person look them in the eye and greet them. Be prepared to give them something: a smile, a bus ticket, a toonie, a $5 gift card to get food, some food or … Being acknowledged as a person of value helps restore a vulnerable person’s dignity.

Jesus said, “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Enter, you who are blessed by my Father! Take what’s coming to you in this kingdom. It’s been ready for you since the world’s foundation. And here’s why:

I was hungry and you fed me,
I was thirsty and you gave me a drink,
I was homeless and you gave me a room,
I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
I was sick and you stopped to visit,
I was in prison and you came to me.’

“Then those ‘sheep’ are going to say, ‘Master, what are you talking about? When did we ever see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you a drink? And when did we ever see you sick or in prison and come to you?’ Then the King will say, ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.’

Matthew 25: 34-40 (The Message)

Banner photo of door (not visible in all formats): innoxiuss
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Homelessness, Wednesday Lunch Club | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

All She Wants Is a Door

Behind That Locked Door by innoxiuss

“You know what’s making me mad right now? I’ll tell you,” Paul* said looking me in the eye. We were standing outside the entrance to the Greenhouse, a renovated house on the church property, waiting for the soup to heat up. Every Wednesday Progressive Housing Society and church volunteers come here to offer people who are homeless or at risk of homelessness a place to gather for conversation, coffee, and a bowl or two of soup. We call it the Wednesday Lunch Club.

Paul, one of the regulars, put out his cigarette and told me what angered him. “I know this woman who was into hard drugs, bad stuff. She got clean and she’s been clean for a year or so. She’s about thirty-five, not unattractive,” he said. “But here’s the thing: she can’t find a place to live. She’s got the money, but every time she calls about an apartment, as soon as soon as they hear she’s on welfare, click.” He imitated someone hanging up the phone. “So what does she do? She stays where she can, on people’s couches. And Esther, some of those people aren’t very nice. Way too often in the middle of the night, if a man lives there, he will wake her up and take advantage of her.”

Paul stepped over to the open door and grabbed the doorknob. “All she wants is this,” he said and stepped inside and closed the Greenhouse door behind him. Then he opened it again. “All she wants is a door that she can close and lock and feel safe on the other side.”

I kept thinking about what Paul said and talked about it over dinner with Fred. “It’s just not right. Something’s got to be done. Think of Wanda Mulholland and all the people on the Burnaby Task Force on Homelessness. They have spent countless hours talking to officials and trying to raise awareness about homelessness. And still there isn’t even a homeless shelter in Burnaby–let alone housing for people like this woman.”

“And I keep hearing on the radio how much money government departments have spent with nothing to show for it.” Fred shook his head.

“We could give more money, but we can never give enough to house the people who need it. We have to do something more. We need to pray.”

“Alas, has it come to that?” someone once said when faced with a similar dilemma, as if resorting to prayer meant there was no hope, as if God were actually far away.

“We need someone big and powerful to make big and powerful changes in our city, so why not talk to the God of the universe?” I said.

So I speak to God often about the need for more doors and homes. I pray that I will see what Jesus is doing and join him in his work of bringing good news to the poor and setting the oppressed free. And I thank God that this woman has a friend like Paul.

Jesus said, “The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to set the oppressed free,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favour.”
– Luke 4:18

Update on March 5, 2014
I saw “Paul” today and he told me his friend has found a door. She has finally found a place to live. Thank you so much, everyone, for your thoughts and prayers. And thanks, Paul, for being such a great friend to her and to so many others, including me.

*not his real name.
Photo Credit: innoxiuss. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Homelessness, Popular Posts, Stories, Wednesday Lunch Club | Tagged , , , , , | 12 Comments

The Parable of the Simple E-mail

Has this ever happened to you? You get an e-mail that explains a situation and then asks for a response. It seems simple and straightforward and you reply. But as soon as you press “send” you realize you didn’t read the e-mail carefully enough and missed a key piece of information.

If it makes you feel any better, this happens to me a lot. Far too often I have to send a follow-up email with “oops” in the subject line.

Sower Road Madison.Murphy

I am preaching on the Parable of the Sower this Sunday, and I’m thinking about Jesus’ question, “Are you listening, really listening?”

Jesus used everyday examples of bread, coins, sheep, and seeds to tell parables. Yet there was always a twist, something culturally unexpected, like a shepherd that would leave ninety-nine sheep unguarded to go off and find the one that was lost. His parables surprised and confused people.

This was intentional. Jesus wanted them to listen deeply and hear something different in what he was saying. His listeners had perceptions of God or God’s kingdom that weren’t true, and his parables challenged these perceptions. If they listened, really listened, they would hear the truth about God, and that truth would change how they lived and bear fruit in their lives.

Sower Withered Madison.Murphy

 

Jesus still uses everyday things to tell parables–like the Parable of the Simple Email. This parable isn’t about how I respond to emails; it’s not about how I respond at all.  That’s the surprise. It’s about how I listen.

The parable invites me to slow down and listen more carefully to others, not just to their words, but to them–to listen under what they are saying and hear what they’re experiencing. He wants me to hear what’s true: that they’re sad, lonely, excited, at peace, afraid, or losing hope.

Jesus calls me to listen with him.

Some truth can be too much to bear. But he promises to bear it with me, helps me pray for them, and teaches me how to respond.

Sower Thorns Madison.Murphy

He sows the seeds of his kingdom everywhere.  And if I listen, really listen to the parables in my life, I may recognize my false perceptions and be changed. And that change, Jesus promises, will bear fruit.

Sower Rooted Madison. Murphy

 

Credits and references:
Luke 8:4-8 (The Message)
Images of the Parable of the Sower by Madison Murphy. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Stories | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Seeing

grass seed pod by Ed DahlA friend of mine recently returned from a three hundred kilometre pilgrimage in the United Kingdom. She and her husband walked twenty-five kilometres a day, much of it in silence. As they walked, she experienced a deepening stillness that enabled her to see far more than she had when they set out. She said, “At first I took photographs of things I wanted to remember; by the end I was taking pictures of what I saw.”

I felt drawn to the inner stillness that opened her eyes in the same way Jesus opened the eyes of the man born blind.

It never ceases to amaze me that the first thing that man ever saw was Jesus–standing right in front of him.

Jesus is right in front of us. Psalm 139 attests that there is no place we can possibly be where God is not, even in the darkest night of depression, pain, or grief. But often we don’t see him.

Perhaps it is because we are moving too quickly.

If there was ever a person honed in the art of slowing down and seeing God in her everyday life, it is Annie Dillard. She writes,

When I was six or seven years old, growing up in Pittsburgh, I used to take a precious penny of my own and hide it for someone-else to find. It was a curious compulsion; sadly, I’ve never been seized by it since. For some reason I always “hid” the penny along the same stretch of side-­walk up the street. I would cradle it at the roots of a sycamore, say, or in a hole left by a chipped-off piece of side-walk. Then I would take a piece of chalk, and, starting at either end of the block, draw huge arrows leading up to the penny from both directions. After I learned to write I labeled the arrows: SURPRISE AHEAD or MONEY THIS WAY.  I was greatly excited, during all this arrow-drawing, at the thought of the first lucky passer-by who would receive in this way, regardless of merit, a free gift from the universe. But I never lurked about. I would go straight home and not give the matter another thought, until, some months later, I would be gripped again by the impulse to hide another penny.

It is still the first week in January, and I’ve got great plans. I’ve been thinking about seeing. There are lots of things to see, unwrapped gifts and free surprises. The world is fairly studded and strewn with pennies cast broad­side from a generous hand. But–and this is the point­–who gets excited by a mere penny? If you follow one arrow, if you crouch motionless on a bank to watch a tremulous ripple thrill on the water and are rewarded by the sight of a muskrat kit paddling from its den, will you count that sight a chip of copper only, and go your rueful way? It is dire poverty indeed when a man is so malnourished and fatigued that he won’t stoop to pick up a penny. But if you cultivate a healthy poverty and simplicity, so that finding a penny will literally make your day, then, since the world is in fact planted in pennies, you have with your poverty bought a lifetime of days. It is that simple. What you see is what you get.

– Annie Dillard, Pilgrim at Tinker Creek

fawn in the trees by Ed Dahl

O Generous God,
help us slow down
and walk with you
in eye-opening stillness.
Amen.

*

Credits:
Photos by Ed Dahl. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Mindfulness, Prayer | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments