Immersed in an Ocean of Love

I awake with an emotional heaviness at 4 a.m. and remember what caused this feeling. I got hoodwinked by fear in a legitimate disguise: I saw an injustice and pushed the panic button–again. I ended up making a fuss over nothing and now I wonder if those involved are getting frustrated with me.

I hate these holes in my bucket.

“If you were a leaky bucket and wanted to be filled with God’s love,” I heard Rob Des Cotes say at a prayer retreat not long ago, “you could either spend your life patching the holes or simply immerse yourself in the ocean of God’s love.”

When I heard Rob’s words, I imagined myself as a bucket–filled and surrounded with love–and a deep ahhh relaxed my body.

God is loving me now at four in the morning. God doesn’t despise my weaknesses but sees these holes as openings through which I can be filled with love.

Waves Chris Niekel

I breathe in and out and picture myself lying in God’s ocean of love. I hear the pebbles move, feel them shift under me as the cold water flows out and rushes in again. Salty waves flood my weaknesses and recede leaving every filament of their tattered edges as wet and vibrant as anemones.

In the morning my fears will have drifted off to sea; I will laugh at myself and wonder why I was so worried. Even if my peers are wearied of me, I will not be undone. God is with me.

But here, now in the night, I don’t want a strategy for how to live with my weaknesses. Here and now, I just want to lie in the ocean of God’s love and feel God’s tireless, boundless love wash in and out of the holes in my soul.

sand beach When I awake, I am still with you. Psalm 139:18b

“Waves” by Chris Niekel. Used with permission.
“Sandy Beach” by Donna Geissler. Used with permission.
Rob Des Cotes is director of Imago Dei Communities, an ecumenical network of Christian faith communities based in Vancouver, British Columbia.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2014
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014

About Esther Hizsa

Esther is a spiritual director and writer. She lives in Burnaby with her husband, Fred, and they have two grown children and two grandchildren.
This entry was posted in Helpful Images, Mystical, Popular Posts, Poverty of Spirit, Praying with the Imagination, Rob Des Cotes, Stories and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Immersed in an Ocean of Love

  1. Anonymous says:

    Thankyou Esther —really appreciate your insights, and especially the fact that when we wake we are not still with God but that He is still with us. Amen


  2. Donna says:

    Ah… Well, here I am at 10:30 at night. I respond with Ah… at the images of truth that you offer. Thank you, Esther


  3. Anonymous says:

    This is a wonderful blog and an absolutely lovely post. Thank you for including me! Donna


  4. Janet Hill says:

    Dear Esther,
    Thank you for your image of a bucket with holes. It expands my thinking/feeling. I personally sense that waving flow in deep meditation or prayer.



  5. Pingback: What’s a Bucket to Do? | An Everyday Pilgrim

  6. Pingback: A Leaky Bucket Tells His Story | An Everyday Pilgrim

  7. Pingback: Christ In Me, With Me, For Me | An Everyday Pilgrim

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.