A New Year’s Wish

Posted on January 1, 2016 by Esther Hizsa

It’s a new year, and I would love to leave my old identity behind.

Remember in “Undoing My Life” God asked me to let go of my identity as the Rejected One? That undoing continues whenever I feel rejected.

I hate it when that happens. I always want to do something about it so I never feel that way again. But in my last spiritual direction session, I was invited to look for what God was already doing.

Soon afterwards a friend told me her granddaughter had come for another sleep-over at their place. Knowing “Amy” is on the autism spectrum, I suspected this might be a challenge, even though she and her cousins have been coming regularly for years and look forward to it.

I remembered hearing about the previous time Amy was there. It was getting late, and the seven-year-old was still awake.

“I miss Mom and Dad,” Amy had said. She squeezed her eyelids shut and pressed her fingers into them to hold back the tears. “I want to go home.”

Even after Amy talked with both parents on the phone, she couldn’t be consoled. She put on her coat over his pyjamas, and my friend took her home.

This time when Amy came for a sleepover, she came out of her room at ten o’clock. Once again she held back tears as she talked with her mother on the phone. But this time, she hung up and said bravely, “I’m going to stay.”

My friend lay down with her for a while. Eventually, Amy fell asleep.

Because of her autism, Amy finds intense feelings like anger and excitement difficult to contain. She is compelled to do something to get them out of her body. Now my friend realized loneliness has a similar effect. It was hard for Amy to let this big feeling pass.

Though Amy may not have been aware of it, God was with her, holding her while it did.

And God is also with me, holding me as the big feeling of rejection comes and goes.

StJohnsAshfield_StainedGlass_GoodShepherd_Portrait

When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
–Isaiah 43:2

∗ ∗ ∗

Love Mischief for the World

Love by Dustin Gaffke

Here’s some touching love mischief 19-year-old Erica’s been up to in Calgary, Alberta. http://calgaryherald.com/health/family-child/from-hardscrabble-to-scrabble-thanks-to-the-alex. Erica, you are awesome!

What love mischief are you and God doing to care for the earth?
 Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
The first image from a collage I did.
“Good Shepherd” from  St John the Baptist Anglican Church, Ashfield, New South Wales. Image from Wikipedia Commons.
“Love” by Dustin Gaffke. Used with permission.
Note: names and a few details of this story have been changed to protect the persons’ privacy.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2016.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in autism, Reflections, Spiritual Direction, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Christmas: As Is

Posted on December 25, 2015 by Esther Hizsa

The Nativity 1890 1910 by Franz Mayer&Co (detail) by Plum Leaves

I wonder if Joseph was peeved
when Mary, between contractions,
ordered him to close the door
then,
as soon as he did,
wanted it open again.

I wonder if,
in that chorus of angels,
one or two sang flat
and if some shepherds
–feeling and smelling sheepish–
were hesitant to go.

I wonder if
–after Mary gave birth to the Christ child
on scratchy straw
next to dog’s breath and cat fleas–
it didn’t still hurt like the dickens.

And I wonder if
the star was that bright
or the kings so sure.

But I don’t wonder
if God was troubled
that it wasn’t
quite
perfect.

∗ ∗ ∗

Love Mischief for the World

Love by Dustin Gaffke

The greatest love mischief of all is being celebrated this day around the world.

Come, let us adore him!

What love mischief are you and God doing to care for the earth?
Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
“The Nativity” 1890-1910 by Franz Mayer & Co (detail) photo by Plum leaves. Used with permission.
Banner (not visible on home page) “Christmas” by Joe Buckingham. Used with permission.
“Love” by Dustin Gaffke. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in Christmas, Humour, Poetry, Popular Posts | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Satisfying the Desires of All

Posted on December 18, 2015 by Esther Hizsa

Hands“Insights are a dime a dozen,” Father Richard explained to the small gathering of spiritual directors last Sunday afternoon. “It doesn’t matter so much what an experience in prayer means; what matters is that we stay with God in it.”

Relief washed over me as I thought about my own life. It didn’t matter why I was feeling ambivalent about Christmas. What would I gain from knowing anyway? I’d only end up blaming myself or trying to fix something I can’t. Insight is overrated. I know all the reasons why I overeat, but it doesn’t stop me from eating.

On Monday my Advent reading led me to Psalm 145:16, “You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing.”

What a wild claim. All desires? Of every living thing?

I have a small clay sculpture of God’s hands with the holy family in it. Mary and Joseph are lying down on either side of baby Jesus. An angel kneels at Jesus’ head and a donkey is so close to Mary’s ear, she can feel his breath on her neck. The donkey, angel, and parents rest in God’s hands, the desire of their hearts fulfilled.

I held God’s open hands in mine and imagined myself there.

God, you don’t satisfy me by opening your hands and giving me what I want. You open your hands and invite me–and every living thing–to crawl into them. And there we rest satisfied.

And so I rest in God with God, and all my desires rest too.

Rural Christmas Scenic at Dusk

Advent Reflection Question:

  • What image, texture or sound invites you into God’s hands?

∗ ∗ ∗

Love Mischief for the World

Love by Dustin Gaffke

Seventeen years ago my brother Ron, who lives in Minnesota, spent Christmas with us and offered Fred a gift that would satisfy a deep longing. Fred received that gift the following May when Ron returned again. He and Fred checked into St. Paul’s hospital: Ron the donor, Fred the recipient of one of my brother’s kidneys. “It was a big deal,” I told him afterwards, but my brother couldn’t resist an opportunity to make us laugh. “Not really,” he said. “I gave him the pissy one.”

What love mischief are you and God doing to care for the earth?
Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
“The Holy Family in God’s Hands” by Fred Hizsa, Used with permission.
“Rural Christmas Scenic at Dusk” photo of 1909 vintage greeting card by Royce Bair. Used with permission.
“Love” by Dustin Gaffke. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in Advent, Christmas, Spiritual Direction | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Where I Am

Posted on December 11, 2015 by Esther Hizsa

scrooge Paul Towsend“It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” sings Andy Williams over the store’s loud speakers. I can’t get out of the mall fast enough.

On my walk home, I remember that it’s the second week of Advent, and we still haven’t put up our Christmas decorations. I wonder what it would be like to not do it at all.

I have mixed feelings about Advent and Christmas. I enjoy the parties, the lighting of the candles, and the certainty that the One we are waiting for comes. But there is something about this season and its thin veneer of cheer that unsettles me. Part of my Christmas joy is the anticipation of relief when it’s over.

I’m not depressed and nothing bad is happening, unlike one friend who has lost her husband. Mornings and evenings are the worst, she says. Many people I know are not finding this season wonderful. They gasp for breath while waves of pain, loss or rejection wash over them.

I don’t know why I’m uninspired to sing carols or wrap presents. I just am.

I somehow manage to keep up with my Advent readings. In one of them, Isaiah tells me that God “tends his flock like a shepherd. He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart.”

In Matthew I read Jesus’ parable about that same shepherd. I imagine him leaving the ninety-nine enthusiasts to seek the curmudgeon who has wandered from the fold.

And where does this Good Shepherd find me? Not on some lofty knoll, where I wish I was but hunkered down in a cleft of rock, waiting for Christmas to be over.

He finds me where I am.

And when he does, he squeezes in, puts his arm around me, and waits there with me.

Good shepherd

“If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not
leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one who has wandered
off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than
about the ninety-nine that did not wander off.” –Matthew 18:12-13

Advent Reflection Questions:

  • If the Good Shepherd were looking for you, where would he find you?
  • What would you say to him? How does he respond to you?

∗ ∗ ∗

Love Mischief for the World

Love by Dustin Gaffke

Churches in my neighbourhood are actively helping Syrian refugees. Some, like St. Stephen the Martyr, are working with other churches to raise funds and provide support for new refugees. Others are working with existing organizations like More Than A Roof or Journey Home.

What love mischief are you and God doing to care for the earth?
Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
“Scrooge” by Paul  Townsend. Used with permission.
Isaiah 40:11
“The Good Shepherd” is by Liturgical Works
“Love” by Dustin Gaffke. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in Advent, Christmas | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 7 Comments

This Annunciation

Posted on December 4, 2015 by Esther Hizsa

ANGELICO,_Fra_Annunciation,_1437-46_(2236990916)

This Annunciation

I was the angel chosen
to greet
the one with God
in her womb.

Light illuminated
her face
her hands
her words

light
warm with wonder
hushed  held
my soul

yet no Fra Angelico will ever paint
this annunciation
that happened
last Tuesday at my kitchen table

when
I was the angel
chosen to greet
another highly favoured one.

God is in her womb

and she kissed me
when she left.

Advent Reflection Questions:

  • What “Mary” have you been chosen to greet this week? 
  • What angel has seen God in you?

∗ ∗ ∗

Love Mischief for the World

Love by Dustin Gaffke

A retired teacher I know reads to children at an elementary school nearby. She’s loving it and so are the children.

What love mischief are you and God doing to care for the earth? Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
“Annunciation” by Fra Angelico, 1437. Wikimedia. Non-commercial usage allowed.
“This Annunciation” by Esther Hizsa, 2015. Used with permission.
“Love” by Dustin Gaffke. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in Advent, Mystical, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

God Desires Us

Posted on November 27, 2015 by Esther Hizsa

Creation_of_Adam_Sistine_Chapel wikipedia cropped“You can’t catch the Macdonald bus here,” a man says to me at the VCC-Clark Skytrain Station in Vancouver. “You need to go up to Clark.”

I hurry up Sixth Avenue. It’s early Saturday morning and I need to get to St. James Anglican church. I’m co-facilitating a retreat and don’t want to be late.

I suddenly realize I’m not sure of the bus route. Do I catch it going north or south? I feel a twinge of anxiety. I want to ask someone but no one’s around. If I run back to the station, I might miss the bus.

I spot a woman with a bag of groceries in each hand, walking briskly ahead of me. I quicken my pace.

“Hello,” I say to get her attention. But she doesn’t hear me.

“Hello!” I call louder.

And then, “HEL-LO!”

The woman stops, turns around and removes her earphones while still holding the bags. She’s about thirty years old with long curly hair and a hand-knitted toque.

“Oh, darling,” she says, looking into my eyes. “What’s the matter?”

Her compassion disarms me. “I … I need to catch the #22 bus to Main and Hastings.”

“Oh, that bus stop is across the street there.” She comes closer and points. “See it?”

She waits until she knows I have.

“Yes. Thank you.”

She hears the relief in my voice. Her shoulders relax; her back straightens. “You’re welcome.” She smiles warmly, then goes on her way.

Creation_of_Adam_Sistine_Chapel wikipedia eve

HE DESIRED ME SO I CAME CLOSE

No one can near God unless He has
prepared a bed for you.

A thousand souls hear His call every second,
but most every one then looks into their life’s mirror and
says, “I am not worthy to leave this sadness.”

When I first heard His courting song, I too
looked at all I had done in my life and said,

“How can I gaze into His omnipresent eyes?”
I spoke those words with all my heart,

but then He sang again, a song even sweeter,
and when I tried to shame myself once more from His presence
God showed me His compassion and spoke a divine truth,

“I made you, dear, and all I make is perfect.
Please come close, for I
desire
you.”

–Teresa of Avila (translated by Daniel Ladinsky)

Advent Reflection Questions:

  • As you consider the images of God in the painting, story or poem, what feelings are evoked?
  • Could these feelings contain God’s desire for you to come close? 

∗ ∗ ∗

Love Mischief for the World

Love by Dustin Gaffke

The term “love mischief” comes from a poem called Seed Cracked Open, written by Hafiz, a Sufi who lived in Persia in the 14th century. He wrote scores of poems about his playful relationship with God. Once I spent a whole retreat reading nothing but Hafiz’s poetry and felt divinely embraced. It’s the love mischief of Daniel Ladinsky, who translated these poems, we have to thank for introducing us to Hafiz and reviving the love poetry of Teresa of Avila and other ancient mystics. Recently, Daniel left this comment on one of my posts. “You say, ‘I did a little dance,’ in reading a comment I posted. That is really my sole care in the world now … to help every creature boogie ever higher—become more free and safe.”

What love mischief are you and God doing to care for the earth?
Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
“Creation of Adam” Sistine Chapel. Wikimedia. Non-commercial usage allowed.
“HE DESIRED ME SO I CAME CLOSE” by Teresa of Avila in Love Poems from God: Twelve Sacred Voices from the East and West by Various (Author), Daniel Ladinsky (Translator). Used with permission.
“Love” by Dustin Gaffke. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in Advent, Mystical, Poetry, Popular Posts, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Undoing My Life

Posted on November 20, 2015 by Esther Hizsa

cerus scarf Tony & wayneI’m still thinking about the “Oh, no!” I heard when a toy car went over the edge of the coffee table and crashed.

I imagine that a lot actually, when I fear going over the edge of acceptance and falling into a pit of rejection. Many things–gaining weight, saying the wrong thing, not doing the right thing–can spark an “Oh, no!” in my mind and make me anticipate an inevitable crash.

What would it be like to go through a whole week without an “Oh, no!”? If I could have chosen one, it would have been the week I facilitated (as a full team member now) the Living from the Heart course.

I prepared, hoped and prayed that I would get through the intensive without doing something dumb.

But God isn’t afraid of the things I’m afraid of. God had no trouble letting me drive a few cars over the edge each day.

Grrr! Midweek I prayed, God, really? I know my mistakes weren’t huge, and you could use them. But please, just let me have one day where things go as planned.

It didn’t happen.

“God is inviting us to let go of our emotional reactions and our desire to control ‘what is’ and just be present to it–without analysing, judging or fixing,” Jeff Imbach said in a teaching session. In this place, he explained, we can begin to be curious and ask, “God, how are you loving me in this?”

So I welcomed my disappointment that I got confused and misunderstood what I was supposed to do. I let it be there and wondered what God might be up to.

The answer didn’t come until a sleepless night at the end of the week. That day I had led people through a case study in transformation. It was about a woman who, after many meetings with her spiritual director, had been invited to let go of her wounded identity.

Was there an identity I was being invited to let go of? Perhaps the identity of Rejected One.

That’s when I saw why God had allowed me to mess up.

Daily the three facilitators–Jeff, Deb and I–talked about how the sessions went. We would receive with gratefulness what was meaningful to the participants and consider with humility how we might do things differently next time. We offered each other grace as we listened, but I wondered when my allotment of grace would run out.

Every day I wondered, will they reject me now? And each day I was met with love and acceptance.

In the middle of the night, I understood how God was loving me in “what was.” God wanted me to experience unconditional acceptance. And God wanted me to experience it again and again and again.

God was undoing the life of the Rejected One.

Old chair cropped by Ferrari

I took you from the ends of the earth,
    from its farthest corners I called you . . .
    I have chosen you and have not rejected you.
 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
–Isaiah 41:9-10

∗ ∗ ∗

Love Mischief for the World

How can we care for the people of Paris and those who perpetrated last Friday’s tragedy? Perhaps, like Jesus did on the cross, we can inhale all that violence and pain into our bodies and into the core of ourselves where God is. We can absorb it into the limitless dimensions of Love that is wider, longer, higher and deeper than we can imagine.  And then, like Jesus, we can breathe out peace onto the earth.

Breathe in pain; breathe out comfort.
Breathe in violence; breathe out peace.
Breathe in anger; breathe out forgiveness.

 … for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words. –Romans 8:26 (NRSV)

I pray that, according to the riches of his glory, he may grant that you may be strengthened in your inner being with power through his Spirit,  and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, as you are being rooted and grounded in love. I pray that you may have the power to comprehend, with all the saints, what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. –Ephesians 3:16-19 (NRSV)

What love mischief are you and God doing to care for the earth?
Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
“Sottosopra” by Roberto Ferrari. Used with permission.
“Cerus Scarf” by Tony & Wayne. Used with permission.
“La Marseillaise” by Jagrap. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in Popular Posts, Poverty of Spirit, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 6 Comments

“Oh, No!”

Posted on November 13, 2015 by Esther Hizsa

car crashes Madais

When our grandson was a preschooler, he loved to line up his toy cars on the coffee table. He and his dad would drive them around imitating the sounds of engines starting, horns beeping and tires squealing. Inevitably, they would drive a car over the edge and exclaim, “Oh, no!” and there would be a terrible crash.

The image of going over a cliff hollering “Oh, no!” has stuck with me. I have often heard that cry in my head whenever I anticipated calamity. What if it was my child that was trapped in a burning building? What if my home and everything I owned were destroyed? Could I survive losing all I hold dear?

When I was in my thirties, I read a book that talked about living courageously and honestly through crisis. But I couldn’t relate to it: I hadn’t had one.

But that all changed 1995 when a doctor in Turkey diagnosed Fred with kidney failure. Four days later, he flew back to Canada, leaving me to look after Rudy (13), Heidi (10) and Tieras, our forty-foot sailboat. The next ten years were characterized by loss, grief and struggle as we lived through one “Oh, no!” after another.

I wondered if I would ever stop crying.

Then one day, I felt strangely buoyant. I described this to my friend who was a psychiatric nurse and asked her if there was something wrong with me.

She smiled and said, “I think you’re finding out what it’s like to feel normal again.”

A few days ago a friend called. I barely recognized her voice; it was so hoarse with grief. She told me her father passed away on the weekend. She was living through a terrible “Oh, no!”

The operative phrase is “living through.” I could hear as I listened, how God felt her panic and was walking with her in her sorrow.

As she talked, I prayed that she could hear it too.

Stone Angel by Daniel Lee Pardue

For you have sent your angels to watch over me,
to guide me in all my ways.
On their hands, they will bear me up,
lest I dash my foot against a stone.
Though I walk among those who roar like the lion,
or are as stealthy as the adder,
in your strength will I be saved.
Because you cleave to me in love, I will deliver you; 
I will protect you, who call upon my Name.
When you call to Me, I will answer you;
I will be with you in times of trouble,
I will rescue you and reverence your life.
All through the years, will I dwell in your heart,
as Loving Companion Presence, forever.
–Psalm 91: 11-16,
Psalms for Praying: An Invitation to Wholeness, by Nan C. Merrill

Credits and References:
“Car crash” by madais. Used with permission.
“Stone Angel” by Donald Lee Pardue. Used with permission.
“Love” by Dustin Gaffke. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in Popular Posts, Reflections | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

DIY Retreat #5: When Israel Was a Child I Loved Her

Posted on November 12, 2015 by Esther Hizsa

Here is another one-day prayer/silent retreat outline in the Ignatian tradition prepared by my friend Joy Richardson, a spiritual director in Coquitlam. You can find other  outlines under resources.  Here’s an introduction.

“When Israel Was a Child I Loved Her…”

child-walking-1Rembrandt copy 1640

  1. Welcome God’s Presence

(Begin with one of these prayers.)

Preparatory Prayer:

O Lord, I acknowledge that I am in Your Presence.
I offer this time to you.
Lead my heart and mind.
May everything I feel, think and do
be directed purely toward Your greater praise and service.
Amen.

Morning Prayer:

Blessed Trinity,
I receive Your Love, Your Presence and this day as a gift from You.
I open my heart to You.
Please lead me deeper into Your transforming Love
as we live these next hours together.
Amen

2. Ask God for the grace you need:

Some examples are:

  • for the grace to experience God’s love for you
  • for the grace to listen to what God says
  • for the grace to have a generous, committed and open heart
    and amazement at your existence and at how personally God relates to you.
  • for the grace that you may grow in freedom to hold on to all that brings you into a deeper relationship with God and let go of all that draws you away from God.

As you pray, “turn on” your heart.

  • Go to where your heart is leading you. Listen.
  • Be content to just be in God’s presence.
  • When you are moved by something, stay there.
    “The Spirit helps us in our weakness.” (Romans 8:26-27)

Prayer Session #1:

Hosea 11:1-11 “When Israel was a child I loved him (her)…”

(Alternate: Psalm 131, Song of Quiet Trust.)

Process:

  1. Read the passage.
  2. Welcome God’s Presence (Preparatory or Morning Prayer)
  3. Pray for a specific grace.
  4. Meditate on the passage (40-50 minutes). Read slowly and prayerfully. Listen to yourself, your heart and your own reactions. Listen to what might be from God, maybe a picture, memory, song, etc. Then stop. Pause and feel it for as long as possible. You don’t have to get to the end of the passage again. If you still have more time, continue reading until the next “feeling.” Stop and “feel” that. Continue.

    ***Do not write anything down at this time

  5. Have a conversation with Jesus about what took place in your prayer time. (10 min.)
  6. Write a “prayer review.” Reflect on your experience of your prayer, your feelings, thoughts and what happened. This helps us notice what God is doing.

Some questions that might help:

  • What happened inside me during the period of prayer?
  • How did I feel about what went on?
  • What was my mood, change in mood? What feelings flowed through me? What thoughts came in and out of my mind? Where was I drawn to dwell?
  • How were God and I present or absent to each other?
  • Was I praying for anything in particular? What was God’s response?
    –from “The Review of Prayer” by J. Veltri, S.J.

*

Take time to walk, eat , relax, etc for  about 90 minutes between prayer sessions.

*

Gallery-Religious-Jesus_with_childPrayer Session # 2:

Imagine a carefree time with Jesus.

If you have a favourite spot from when you were a child, go back there. If you don’t, choose a place where you would have liked to spend time as a child, e.g. a beach. Go to that place. Be a child of 5 or 6 years old. Imagine a time that is carefree, a time before rules and having to do what is right (e.g. only one treat a day). Imagine a time of freedom. This time with Jesus is a loving time of joy and spontaneity. Spend 40-50 minutes with Jesus. Enjoy!

Process:

  1. Welcome God’s Presence (Preparatory or Morning Prayer)
  2. Pray for a specific grace.
  3. Be a child in a place of freedom and joy with Jesus. See Prayer Session # 2 for details.
  4. Have a conversation with Jesus.
  5. Write a prayer review. See #6 above for details.

Preparing for our sharing time (for groups):

  1. As you read your first prayer review, allow room for the Holy Spirit to connect with you. Let what you are reading wash over you. Soak in it (like a bath). What is God’s flow over you like? Be relaxed. Be open to the unexpected.
  2. Read your second prayer review in the same way.

“Our experience of God’s love is so great, it trumps our fears, our wants.
Everything else pales. This is where we want to go.”
–Father Richard Soo, SJ

Credits:
A copy of a Rembrandt drawing, 1640.
“Innocence” by David Bowman. Used with permission.
Morning Prayer of SoulStream Community. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015  http://www.estherhizsa.com.
Posted in Childhood, Ignatian Spirituality, Prayer, Prayer Retreat Outline | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Calling Forth the Divine

Posted on November 6, 2015 by Esther Hizsa
4 kids with mom at beachMom with Harry, Ron, me, and Sylvia in 1959

My parents were married on November 1, 1952, three weeks after Mom landed in Canada.
Six years later, at the age of twenty-five, she had four children to look after and business accounts to keep while learning a new language and finding her way in a different culture—never mind finding time to enjoy a new marriage.

Dad winning award croppedDad had come to Canada in 1950 and soon afterwards took cheese making courses at the Ontario College of Agriculture in Guelph. He began managing the Cherry Hill Cheese Factory before their second child was born. By the third (me) and fourth were born, he was winning awards for his cheese in local and international competitions. Of course, Mom helped Dad prepare for those competitions.

The pace of life didn’t slow down for them until my oldest brother, Harry, started school. But their reprieve was short-lived. Harry brought home every childhood illness going around: chickenpox, mumps, measles, colds and flus. When my youngest brother was six months old, he had such severe pneumonia, the doctor put him in hospital for a week.

“The doctor told me, ‘Don’t visit him. You’ll only make him cry,’” she told me. “Besides who would look after the rest of you?”

I shook my head, imagining Ronnie surrounded by strangers and my mother with three young children at home, fearing her baby might die.

Mom and Dad had found a treasure in each other and invested all they had to buy that field. They also bought the struggles came with it.

In speaking of Jesus’ parable of the treasure in the field, Robert Farrar Capon said,

“The man who discovered the treasure did not simply buy a cubic yard or so of nice clean dirt in which he cleverly buried it. He bought the whole property: sinkholes, dung heaps, poison ivy, and sticker bushes plus all the rats, mice, flies and beetles that came with it. He now owns not only the treasure, but the field in which it is found.”

I imagine a field like that and want to plough it all under and start again. But, who has energy for that after washing diapers and wiping noses, keeping books and grasping for words?

Besides, it is not the way of Love to plough under.

Love finds treasures and buys fields, and then finds more treasure. Love discovers God in sinkholes and dung heaps. Then Love calls forth the divine from all that is.

family at Niagara Falls

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
–Luke 12:34

∗ ∗ ∗

Love Mischief for the World

Love by Dustin Gaffke

“Reduce hunger with dignity. Build community. Foster sustainability.” That’s the love mischief Quest and their friendly staff are doing for the world. Quest is British Columbia’s largest not-for-profit food exchange program. They offer access to affordable and healthy food choices for those facing barriers to this basic necessity. In partnering with food suppliers, social service agencies, and community stakeholders, they have fine-tuned their social enterprise model to become a hub of food redistribution in the Lower Mainland. Their programs are seen as essential to marginalized individuals as they transition themselves towards self-sufficiency.

What love mischief are you and God doing to care for the earth?
Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
Photos from Max and Heidi Frehner. Used with permission.
Matthew 13:44
The Parables of the Kingdom, Robert Farrar Capon
“Love” by Dustin Gaffke. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in Childhood, False Self, Popular Posts, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment