It’s a new year and I would love to leave my old identity behind.
Remember the post about how God asked me to let go of my identity as the Rejected One? The undoing of it continues whenever I feel rejected.
I hate it when that happens and always want to do something about it, so I never feel that way again. But in my last spiritual direction session, I was invited to look for what God was already doing.
Soon afterwards our eight-year-old grandchildren, Hannah and Hadrian, had a sleep-over at our place. They’ve been coming regularly for years and look forward to it. But the previous time they were here, long after Hannah fell asleep, Hadrian was still awake.
“I miss Mom and Dad,” he said. He squeezed his eyelids shut and put his fingers over them to hold back the tears. “I want to go home.”
Even after he talked with both parents on the phone, he couldn’t be consoled. He put on his coat over his pyjamas, and Fred took him home.
This time when our grandkids were over, Hadrian came out of his room at ten o’clock. Once again he held back tears as he talked with Heidi on the phone. He hung up and said bravely, “I’m going to stay.”
Fred lay down with him for a while. Eventually he fell asleep.
Because of his autism, Hadrian finds intense feelings like anger and excitement difficult to contain. He is compelled to do something to get them out of his body. Now we realized loneliness had a similar effect. It was hard for him to just let the feeling pass.
Though Hadrian may not have been aware of it, God was with him, holding him while it did.
And God is also with me, holding me as the feeling of rejection passes too.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
∗ ∗ ∗
Here’s some touching love mischief 19-year-old Erica’s been up to in Calgary, Alberta. http://calgaryherald.com/health/family-child/from-hardscrabble-to-scrabble-thanks-to-the-alex. Erica, you are awesome!