A New Year’s Wish

It’s a new year, and I would love to leave my old identity behind.

Remember in “Undoing My Life” God asked me to let go of my identity as the Rejected One? That undoing continues whenever I feel rejected.

I hate it when that happens. I always want to do something about it so I never feel that way again. But in my last spiritual direction session, I was invited to look for what God was already doing.

Soon afterwards a friend told me her granddaughter had come for another sleep-over at their place. Knowing “Amy” is on the autism spectrum, I suspected this might be a challenge, even though she and her cousins have been coming regularly for years and look forward to it.

I remembered hearing about the previous time Amy was there. It was getting late, and the seven-year-old was still awake.

“I miss Mom and Dad,” Amy had said. She squeezed her eyelids shut and pressed her fingers into them to hold back the tears. “I want to go home.”

Even after Amy talked with both parents on the phone, she couldn’t be consoled. She put on her coat over his pyjamas, and my friend took her home.

This time when Amy came for a sleepover, she came out of her room at ten o’clock. Once again she held back tears as she talked with her mother on the phone. But this time, she hung up and said bravely, “I’m going to stay.”

My friend lay down with her for a while. Eventually, Amy fell asleep.

Because of her autism, Amy finds intense feelings like anger and excitement difficult to contain. She is compelled to do something to get them out of her body. Now my friend realized loneliness has a similar effect. It was hard for Amy to let this big feeling pass.

Though Amy may not have been aware of it, God was with her, holding her while it did.

And God is also with me, holding me as the big feeling of rejection comes and goes.


When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
–Isaiah 43:2

∗ ∗ ∗

Love Mischief for the World

Love by Dustin Gaffke

Here’s some touching love mischief 19-year-old Erica’s been up to in Calgary, Alberta. http://calgaryherald.com/health/family-child/from-hardscrabble-to-scrabble-thanks-to-the-alex. Erica, you are awesome!

What love mischief are you and God doing to care for the earth?
 Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
The first image from a collage I did.
“Good Shepherd” from  St John the Baptist Anglican Church, Ashfield, New South Wales. Image from Wikipedia Commons.
“Love” by Dustin Gaffke. Used with permission.
Note: names and a few details of this story have been changed to protect the persons’ privacy.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2016.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016.  http://www.estherhizsa.com

About Esther Hizsa

Esther is a spiritual director and writer. She lives in Burnaby with her husband, Fred, and they have two grown children and two grandchildren.
This entry was posted in autism, Reflections, Spiritual Direction, Stories and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to A New Year’s Wish

  1. Anonymous says:

    Beautiful. Bless you and your family as you love and care for one another.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dave Small says:

    Thanks for the great post Esther. Happy New Year.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Esther Hizsa says:

    Thanks, Dave. Happy New Year to you too.


  4. glen grunau says:

    Esther, just moments after reading your post referring to your identity as “the rejected one” I read Isaiah 62:1-5. Perhaps for me and for you! Check it out!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Esther Hizsa says:

    Thanks, Glen. I love that passage. What strikes me, as I read it again now, is that it is for Zion’s sake that God will not be silent. It is for the good of the community that you and I and others who are rejected are vindicated.

    Recently, that rascal God, caught me in my judgment of someone. God pinned my feet to the floor and wouldn’t let me move until I listened to what this person was saying. What I heard showed me the depth of their insight and compassion. As the person spoke, I could feel God rejoicing over them.

    Incidents like that help me believe God does the same for us all. And that’s pretty cool.

    Here is Isaiah 62:1-5 (NRSV)

    For Zion’s sake I will not keep silent,
    and for Jerusalem’s sake I will not rest,
    until her vindication shines out like the dawn,
    and her salvation like a burning torch.
    The nations shall see your vindication,
    and all the kings your glory;
    and you shall be called by a new name
    that the mouth of the Lord will give.
    You shall be a crown of beauty in the hand of the Lord,
    and a royal diadem in the hand of your God.
    You shall no more be termed Forsaken,
    and your land shall no more be termed Desolate;
    but you shall be called My Delight Is in Her,
    and your land Married;
    for the Lord delights in you,
    and your land shall be married.
    For as a young man marries a young woman,
    so shall your builder marry you,
    and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride,
    so shall your God rejoice over you.


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