Moments: Part 2

Posted on July 14, 2023 by Esther Hizsa

You, my dear reader, might think
that when life-changing stuff like this happens
that it would be so easy to meet God in prayer on retreat,
but it was not.
I struggled to stay present. 
A couple of times I fell asleep.
Other times what I reported to my spiritual director
felt flat.
But in one or two of those prayers each day
there were moments I will never forget.

There was the moment when you let go and breathed your last.  
I held your lifeless body
so grateful you were no longer in pain.

There was the moment I was with Cleopas on the road to Emmaus,
and your death really through him for a loop.
I thought about my doubts about you
when you seem so powerless and distant,
and a part of me wonders if I’ve done it all wrong.
Then a stranger came along and explained 
that it’s all good.
It’s just different from what I thought it would be,
and I could go on believing what I hoped from the bottom of my heart
is true–
that you are good, you are love,
and you will never leave us to face our perils alone. 
The joy of that hope returning felt like a meteor rising in me,
and that was before you broke the bread and revealed that stranger was you! 

Then there was the moment, you asked me, “Who do you say that I am?”
And I said, “Love incarnate, the one who loves us more than life itself.
You are eternally God, fully human and divine.
You are the one who never gives up on us, is never disappointed in us,
never humiliates or shames us.
You are compassionate and full of loving-kindness.
You are misunderstood, misused, judged, blamed and often dismissed.
You allow us to suffer and are with us in it. 
You allow death and are often silent.
You open our eyes to suffering and help us to relieve it.
You are my Lord, my Saviour, my Friend.
You are loved.”

And that’s when Ignatius’ prayer came to me.
“Take and receive my life.
All I am and have are yours.
Give me only your love and the grace to love you in return.”

Something had changed. 
I felt I could trust you.
There wasn’t going to be a bait and switch.
Now that I surrendered my life to you,
you weren’t going to force me into a mould or work the life out of me.
I could trust that you only want to keep loving me
and freeing me to be the I AM that I am.

Something else had changed.
I had avoided thinking about my sin
because if I did I might discover that my critical self was in cahoots with you,
and I should know how awful I am.
But now I want to see my sin so I can make more room for love.
I want to see the suffering I have caused others or myself
so I can, with your help, make a different choice.

I received the grace I asked for:
to fall in love with you and be with you.
Now I ask for the grace to go with you where you always go,
into suffering.
Let me be indifferent to getting what I want,
all the things I own, how my life will unfold,
my health, the weather and my moods.
But let me not be indifferent to suffering.
Let me be with you there
where your kingdom is coming. 

Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty,
my memory, my understanding,
and my entire will,
All I have and call my own.

You have given all to me.
To you, Lord, I return it.

Everything is yours; do with it what you will.
Give me only your love and your grace,
that is enough for me.

Saint Ignatius of Loyola, 1491-1556

∗ ∗ ∗

Love Mischief for the World

Jesus talked about you in one of my prayers. We sat down to rest after the loaves and fishes were multiplied and looked at the thousands of men, women and children that had been fed. I imagined them as all the people who read my blog, who attend my church, who live in my neighbourhood, as well as my family and friends. “I know each of them,” Jesus said with such love in his eyes. “I know their stories and am with them too.”

What I received in these moments on my retreat–a felt experience of the fierce depth of God’s love–is for you too. So, go ahead and ask. Ask God to tell you what you need to hear and know in the depth of your heart.

What love mischief are you and God doing for the world?
Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
“The Road to Emmaus” Fritz von Uhde (1891), Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons
Bible references: Luke 24:13-35; Mark 8:27-30, Mark 6:34-44
The phrase “face our perils alone” is from a quote in Thoma Merton’s Thoughts in Solitude. “Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”
The reference to indifference is from Ignatius’ Principle and Foundation; the reference to not being indifferent is from Mondy Williams, The Gift of Spiritual Intimacy, the chapter on the Three Degrees of Humility p.156.
“Jesus Walking on Water” by Daniel of Uranc 1433. Matenadaran, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons
“Loaves and Fishes” stained glass window in St. James the Greater Catholic Church in Concord, North Carolina Nheyob, CC BY-SA 4.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0, via Wikimedia Commons
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2023.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2023.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in compassion, Ignatian Spirituality, Poetry, Prayer, Reflections, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Moments: Part 1

Posted on July 7, 2023 by Esther Hizsa

When I was alone with you for eight days,
there were moments I will never forget.

On the first day, there was the moment you said,
“Go ahead. Ask for what you want.” 
I asked to fall in love with you again
and felt my eyes water and my heart soften.

The next day, I was dancing with the headphones on 
and U2’s Landlady on repeat.
Tears streamed down my face because 
it was so true…
Every wave that broke me
Every song that wrote me
Every dawn that woke me
Was to get me home to you.

There was the moment I was the woman who reached out
and touched Your robe hoping to be healed.
Only I didn’t want to be healed, and I didn’t want to touch your robe.
I wanted to touch you.
So I tapped you on the shoulder.
You turned around,
and, when you saw me,
you embraced me like a long-lost friend.

Then there was the moment I was a baby on your lap,
and you played with my toes and smelled my hair. 
You told me you used to sneak into my crib
when no one was looking 
and hold me close and sing me lullabies.

There was that stormy day when you came to us walking on the water.
I didn’t get out of the boat to prove it was you;
I just wanted to be with you.
I stepped onto water as solid as a rock until it wasn’t,
and I sank fast 
as if I were paralyzed. 
I went down, down, down.
Then suddenly your arm was around my waist, and you pulled me to the surface.
Back in the boat, both of us sopping wet,
you were crying and hugging me.
“I thought I’d lost you,” you said.

There was the moment when I was brushing my teeth
and I remembered that time when I was twelve
and needed to be “taken down a notch.”
You remembered it too and said,
“I will NEVER do that to you.”

And then there was the moment
when You were on the cross.
You cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why aren’t you saving me?”
Like every other human, you didn’t want to die.
And, like every other human, when God didn’t give you what you wanted,
you felt abandoned.
And that is an awful feeling.
So I helped you the way you help me when God feels far away.
I put my hand on your heart
and returned you to moments when you felt loved.
“Remember when you taught me how to pray…
… when we danced to U2 …
… when I tapped you on the shoulder?
Remember what you said
after you reached down from on high and drew me out of deep waters
and when you met me by the sink?
Remember how in each of those moments
I loved you back?
I’m right here, loving you still.”

(to be continued)

“Prayer,” said Mechthild of Magdeburg, “brings together two lovers,
God and the soul, in a narrow room where they speak much of love…”
― Evelyn Underhill, in the introduction to The Cloud of Unknowing

∗ ∗ ∗

Love Mischief for the World

I am grateful for Jesuits like Father Richard Soo SJ and the Jesuit Spirituality Apostolate of Vancouver for offering a variety of retreats so that people can have life-changing moments with God.

Thank you to William Manaker, SJ for directing me. From June 28 to July 6, he met with me daily, listened to what I was experiencing in my prayers and time in silence, and then assigned scriptures to pray with during the next four hour-long prayer times I would have before our next meeting.

I am grateful, too, to be offering space to others as they retreat with God in everyday life–formally or informally. Most of all, I’m grateful that God is as good and loving as I’d hoped, but more about that next week in Moments: Part 2. 

What love mischief are you and God doing for the world?
Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
“Reflecting Moments” by Thomas Hassel. Used with permission.
Bible references: Luke 11:1-13; Mark 5:25-34; Matthew 14:22-33; Psalm 22; Psalm 18:16-19.
Candle by Irene Fennema. Used with permission.
Droplet by Anne Yungwirth. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2023.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2023.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in Ignatian Spirituality, Mystical, Poetry, Prayer, Reflections | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Falling in Love

Posted on June 30, 2023 by Esther Hizsa

How can I go off-grid for eight days while our priest was away?

I had heard that the Jesuit Spirituality Apostolate of Vancouver was offering another eight-day retreat. I considered going, but I’m one of the churchwardens who, along with the priest-in-charge, are expected to hold things together. I emailed Father Richard Soo to ask about an alternative date. But that wasn’t available so I let it go.

In the meantime, SoulStream‘s offering of the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises, which Jan Evans and I will be co-facilitating, filled up and had a waitlist.

I thought about the participants’ commitment to spend 45-60 minutes a day in prayer, often imagining themselves in a gospel scene with Jesus. I should do an eight-day retreat, I thought. You know, practice what you preach. But I brushed that thought away. I don’t want “shoulds” to rule me.

The next day, I was with a directee* that expressed a deep longing to melt into God’s love. I remembered a similar experience. I had not experienced that longing with such intensity for a while.

That memory came back to me as Jan and I met with some of the participants for an informal Q&A, We began our time together with these words which I read aloud.

Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is,
than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way.
What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination
will affect everything.
It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings,
what you will do with your evenings,
how you spend your weekends,
what you read,
who you know,
what breaks your heart,
and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.
Fall in love, stay in love,
and it will decide everything.
— Fr. Joseph P. Whelan, SJ

Jan talked about the spiritual exercises as an opportunity to fall in love with Jesus. As she did, I sensed God saying to me, “Come away, not because you must, but because you have fallen in love with Me, and I have fallen in love with you.”

I shared all this with my spiritual director a few days later, tears pouring down my cheeks. “So often when I’m on retreat, I want to make something happen, or I’m afraid I’ll find out that I am failing. But I think, God just wants to love me.”

“I suppose I could ask a previous warden if she could fill in for me,” I said.

“You could,” said my director, smiling.

Of course, you know what I’m going to say next. I asked the previous warden, and she said, “Yes. No problem.”

And so, when this post goes live, I will be off-grid with the One I fell in love with when I first heard the words, “Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.”

Let me not run from the love which you offer …
–Soul of Christ Prayer,
paraphrased by David L. Fleming, S.J.

∗ ∗ ∗

Love Mischief for the World

SoulStream is a dispersed, contemplative Christian community. The mission of this loving community, which I joined in 2011, “is to nurture contemplative experience with Christ leading to inner freedom and loving service.” That is what the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises Retreat in Daily Life offers. Although the program is full for this year, there is still space in the Living from the Heart course. Also, Jan and I will be offering two weekend-long Ignatian prayer retreats online on October 13-15, 2023 and March 15-17, 2024. If you would like to be on the email list to find out what SoulStream is offering and when information is available and registration is open, please contact soulstream1@gmail.com.

What love mischief are you and God doing for the world?
Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

* Directee’s words used with their permission.

Credits and References:
Heart image from pxfuel. Creative Commons.
Images of the leaf and hands holding a heart-shaped rock by Irene Fennema. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2023.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2023.  http://www.estherhizsa.com

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I Am Enough

Posted on June 23, 2023 by Esther Hizsa

When someone expresses their love for me, I wonder, what did I do to deserve it? What have I become that evokes the appreciation of others? Then, unconsciously, I set out to do more of that, be more of that. But this time, when I held this beautiful gift of being loved, I noticed those thoughts. 

Serendipitously, I heard myself ask a directee* a few days later, “What would it be like to hear Jesus say to you: ‘You are enough. You’ve done enough.’?”Like me, they constantly felt they needed to do more, be more. 

I practice EFT tapping infrequently. But one time, when I was doing it along with Nick Ortner, he named common failures, “I’m going to procrastinate. I’m going to eat things I didn’t want to eat. I’m going to skip exercise … ” and then he added, “and I’m enough.” Tears came to my eyes as I tapped along. And right on cue, as I wrote this, I teared up again.

I want to go wherever God sends me. I want to do the good work that is mine to do. God wants that too. And God is also clearly telling me I don’t need to do more. I don’t need to do more to be enough or to be loved.

Years ago, I wrote about a friend whose financial advisor told her that she and her husband had saved enough money for retirement. Now they needed to spend it. Fred and I are in that place now. It feels weird to think I don’t need to make any more money.

It feels weird to think I don’t need to do more. It’s as if God has kept an account of my life and is saying to me, “Esther, you filled your quota long ago. You’ve done enough. You are enough.”

There’s a part of me that doesn’t fully believe that yet. That’s okay. Deep work takes time, and Love never gives up.

Long ago the Lord said to Israel:
“I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love.
With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself.
— Jeremiah 31:3 (NLT)

Love Mischief for the World

“So many good-hearted people I know are exhausted.” Wayne Muller, a minister and community advocate, writes in A Life of Being, Doing and Having Enough. “However sweet or nourishing the fruits of their work may be for themselves or others, nothing they do ever feels like enough.” Muller explains, “A life of enough is born in every moment — in the way we listen, the way we respond to the world, the way we see what is and tell the truth of who we are. Every single choice, every single moment, every change of course can bring us closer to a life of peace, contentment, authenticity, and easy sufficiency, a life of being, having, and doing enough.”

Mark Nepo, author of The Book of Awakening, says, “Feel the fact that you are enough.”

Indeed, let that fact soak in.

Scripture is full of instructions about doing and becoming. That is because our creator God is lovingly transforming us and the world to be more Christlike. Love invites us to participate in that transformation–not because God despises us as we are (God does not!), but because God sees us and loves us. We are always enough, AND God always gives us more love, and more freedom to be our true/Christlike selves.

What love mischief are you and God doing for the world?
Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

*The directee gave me their permission to share this.

Credits and References:
“Heart” by 越/Yue 胡/HU. Used with permission. 
“Love” by Joe Green. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2023.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2023.  http://www.estherhizsa.com

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Coming Home

Posted on June 16, 2023 by Esther Hizsa

Sometimes I feel like
every part of me’s been
flung up in the air
and caught
in slow motion
floating, swirling
and falling
leisurely
down to earth.

Transitions are hard. 
Departures and arrivals 
unsettle me.
I have to let it be 
and wait with You 
until all these parts of me
fall back into place.

And when they do,
I find 
they land differently. 

Sometimes,
I fit together better
than I did before
I left.

And when that happened again,
just last week,
I looked back and remembered 
the moment
when I was surprised  
by love.

That was worth leaving home for.
Ah, yes, that’s why
there’s a little more ease
in my body.

But Love caught me—reached all the way
    from sky to sea and pulled me out
of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos,
    the void in which I was drowning…
God stood me up on a wide-open field;
    I stood there saved—surprised to be loved!
–Psalm 18:16-17, 19 (The Message, adapted)

∗ ∗ ∗

Love Mischief for the World

I enjoyed listening to this interview called “All Parts Welcome” with Elizabeth Gilbert and Dick Schwartz. I hear a lot of God’s love mischief in their lives and what they offer to the world.

What love mischief are you and God doing for the world?
Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
Photo of a close-up of pebbles by Matthew Henry from Freerange Stock. Used with permission.
Beach pebbles III by Ib Aarmo. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2023.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2023.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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Less

Posted on June 9, 2023 by Esther Hizsa

I feel grateful
on sunny days
when more is given than I 
hoped for or imagined.

But not so much
on days that are less than great,
with tedious moments and stress,
disappointments
and sadness
I can’t escape.

I want to change the channel,
change the scenery,
change everyone around me,
including myself,
and be done
with my anxious, myopic tendencies.

And You say,
(like You always do),
Oh, my love,
this is hard.
This is suffering.

And then You tell me (again),
You don’t need to change a thing.
I’m right here,
under the boredom,
stress,
disappointment,
fear,
and sadness. 

Wait with Me. 
In the less,
there is more.

You make it sound so easy,
I say.

It’s not, You reply.
It’s probably the hardest thing
you’ll ever do.

Do not run or fly away in order to become free.
Rather go deep into the narrow space given you.
There you will find God and all things.
–Gustave Thibon

∗ ∗ ∗

Love Mischief for the World

Sometimes we need a song like “Landlady” by U2 (lyrics here), Underneath the Shadow by Tom Wuest or Restless by Audrey Assad (lyrics here) to help us in our waiting.

What love mischief are you and God doing for the world?
Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
“boredom” by jean olahus. Used with permission.
“Less” by Esther Hizsa, 2023.
“Wait” by MissTitty. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2023.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2023.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in ADHD, Aging, autism, compassion, Poetry, Reflections, Songs | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

More

Posted on June 2, 2023 by Esther Hizsa

More.
I want 
more time,
more done in my day,
more kilometres walked and biked,
more dessert,
another movie that I enjoyed as much as the last one,
more kudos, wins, meaningful prayer times,
as if more of anything
would make me happier.

Then I spend six days outside
by the sea
among the trees, caterpillars, birds and rabbits
exploring the beauty of the earth 
eating what’s been harvested
playing 
and sitting in the silence of the morning
enjoying
one moment after another with my honey.

For six days I am literally in You,
living, moving and having my being
loved,
receiving far more than I could hope for or imagine.

I have more than enough.

The only thing I want
is to say,
Thank You.

In him, we live and move and have our being.
–Acts 28:17

∗ ∗ ∗

Love Mischief for the World

Enjoy this short film by Louie Schwartzberg with music created and composed by Gary Malkin and narration written and spoken by Brother David Steindl-Rast.

What love mischief are you and God doing for the world?
Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
Island View Regional Park by BC Canada yyjpics. Used with permission.
Takumar 55mm on Canon 5D Mark II – 1 (of 18) – Canon 5D Mark II with Super Takumar 1:1.8 55 mm Prime (M42 mount) & Fotodiox M42-EOS Adapter & Polarizer by Russell McNeil. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2023.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2023.  http://www.estherhizsa.com

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Always

Posted on May 26, 2023 by Esther Hizsa

The disciples were scared spitless
when You sent them off two by two 
to preach and perform miracles
without You.
But they did it
and came back full of joy
with stories as long as Your arm.

Then when You were arrested,
beaten and brutally murdered,
they didn’t think 
they’d survive without
their teacher and friend,
but they did.

After Your resurrection,
and the disciples had eaten and laughed,
and listened to You tell them again
what their hearts so wanted to hear,
they stood looking at the clouds,
wanting
one
last
glimpse
of You.
Engulfed in panic and dread, 
Your words of comfort were 
no comfort at all, 
and still, they thrived.  

They returned with joy,
they survived and thrived,
without You, their friend and teacher, 
because You, God, never left them.

You promised You would be with us always
and You always keep your promises.

Jesus says he is with us on our journeys. He says he has been with us since each of our journeys began.  Listen for him. Listen to the sweet and bitter airs of your present and your past for the sound of him.  
                             —Frederick Buechner, The Sacred Journey 

Eastertide Reflection 7

Lately, when I experienced some “Oh, no!” feelings. I traced back to see what caused them and discovered there was nothing to be concerned about. An old/young part of me was simply startled when something unexpected happened and wanted reassurance that God was still with me, and everything was fine. 

What is going on in your life that feels difficult, scary or overwhelming? Do you feel alone in this? What’s it like to open to the reality that God is there with you, full of compassion, comfort and wisdom. What’s it like to know that God is in you, ready to meet the old/young part of you that gets startled in the night?

Credits and References:
“Sent Out” by Lawrence OP. Used with permission.
Poem “Always” by Esther Hizsa, 2023
“Ascension of Our Lord” by Lawrence OP. Used with permission.
“The Incredulity of St. Thomas” by Caravaggio, 1601-2
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2023.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2023.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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Just Sit There and Let Me Love You

Posted on May 19, 2023 by Esther Hizsa

When my eyelid started twitching, I knew my body was stressed.

“You can slow down,” I heard God say to me in a spiritual direction session.

That week, with the same tender concern Pastor Ruth said, “You don’t have to do everything.” But the train of responsibilities had already left the station. I had to complete what I promised to do. I couldn’t just stop and didn’t think God was asking me to.

In a podcast on nature, I heard a contemplative naturalist talk about how she loves movement and long hikes in the wilderness. She also stated the importance of sitting for a while among the trees.

I imagined doing that in the middle of a hike and felt my insides rebel. Then a thought came. What if you just sit for a few minutes? 

So I looked for opportunities to sit down outside that seemed appealing. On a bike ride, I took my lunch and stopped to eat it surrounded by trees. Through them, I glimpsed the ocean and snow-capped mountains. As I ate my peanut butter and banana sandwich, a raccoon came out of the bushes across the street and trotted along the sidewalk. I wanted to call out to the young woman waiting for a bus a few feet away from the wild animal so she could see it too. But it would likely startle both creatures. A minute later, the raccoon disappeared into the bushes again, yet a sense of wonder remained.

The next day, I biked to visit a friend. Instead of trying not to be late, I planned to arrive ten minutes early, so I could rest at a nearby park. I’d like to say it was wonderful, and I heard God say something profound. It didn’t take long before I was fidgety and bored.

A few days later, I had a two-hour break around noon and planned to walk to the church and drop off the electric mixer my friend needed to prepare our monthly community meal. I wondered aloud if I should eat lunch before or after the errand. Fred suggested we pack our lunch, drop off the mixer, and enjoy a picnic in the shade. After we sat down, a toddler and his grandmother came along. We watched the little fellow test out the park’s exercise equipment while his grandmother stayed close by, patient and attentive. 

One of the first things I heard God say to me when I began my contemplative journey was, “Just sit there and let me love you.” God and my body and loved ones are saying this to me again. And while I fidget and explore what it’s like to be still, I sense God with me, patient and attentive.

By the way, I noticed my eyelid stopped twitching.

But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
    like a weaned child with its mother;
    my soul is like the weaned child that is with me.
–Psalm 131:2 (NRSVUE)

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Eastertide Reflection 6

When I hear the same loving message from multiple sources, I sense God opening me to another resurrection. What have you heard lately in “surround sound”? What would it be like to picture God with you like a patient and attentive grandmother while you explore this loving invitation? What would it be like to hear God say to you, “Just sit there and let me love you.”?

A special shout out to my parents, Max and Heidi who turn 95 and 90 today! You two are amazing.

Credits and References:
“Raccoon” by Alex O’Neal. Used with permission.
Girl Seated on Hillside Overlooking the Water by Winslow Homer, 1878. Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons 
“I heart coffee” by jojo 77. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2023.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2023.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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A Little Resurrection

Posted on May 12, 2023 by Esther Hizsa

I was all packed and ready to go. But not quite. I needed to go over a couple of sessions I would lead during the Living from the Heart course one more time. Now I had a spacious hour that Friday morning to do just that.

My practice is to review my notes by rehearsing what I plan to say. Although my plants listen intently, they give me no feedback. But my heart does. I often hear something that falls flat, shed a tear, or make a new connection between what I’m sharing and my lived experience.

But that morning, I heard myself rushing through the material and not entering into it. I was excited and anxious about the weekend, looking forward to what would unfold and nervous about any unforeseen challenges.

Typically, whenever I find myself in an unsettled state, I give up and go do something else. But there was nothing else I needed to do. As I got up to leave my study, I pictured myself fussing for an hour. That was so unattractive that I sat down again and asked God to help me. I took a few calming breaths and returned to my preparation.

At first, it felt like setting up a picnic in a train station. Eventually, my noisy nerves settled down, and I could enter into the joy of speaking out loud what was alive for me.

That was a win for me, a watershed moment, a little resurrection story of my own.  Although my plants remain silent witnesses, I see them celebrating a new leaf of their own.

In returning and rest, you will be saved.
In quietness and trust you will find strength.
–Isaiah 30:15 (Voice)

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Eastertide Reflection 5

Take a moment to return and rest in God. As you sit in silence, invite the Holy Spirit to show you a resurrection moment of your own. Where have you experienced new growth or new freedom, no matter how small? If, at first, all that comes to mind are your failures or places where you are still stuck, allow the Holy Spirit to comfort and assure you that God is not judging or criticizing you. That is not Love’s way. Keep breathing and listening for how God is giving you life. No doubt, there was a win in your life, too, that you can celebrate with God. The fact that you are reading this speaks to the fruit of a holy desire.

Credits and References:
Pothos Still Life by Marcy Leigh. Used with permission.
Pothos Leaf by Wallpaper Flare. Creative Commons.
Allium opening by Michael Levine-Clark. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2023.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2023.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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