Hoodwinked

Posted on February 5, 2016 by Esther Hizsa

Frayed rope about to breakA colleague asked me if I’d like to offer spiritual direction for participants at an upcoming Ignatian retreat. As soon as I got her e-mail, I knew I wanted to say yes. I’ve done it before; I love listening to what happens in retreatants’ prayers and helping them deepen their experience of God. But that Saturday I already had two commitments. If I accepted her invitation, I would need to shorten my visit with a friend who was coming from out-of-town and miss hanging out with our grandchildren that afternoon.

“I’d still be there for the rest of their sleepover,” I said to Fred.

“But you’ll be tired,” he replied.

Rescheduling the visits wasn’t an option. It was obvious: I should turn down this opportunity.

It took me a few days to get back to my colleague. I kept hoping there would be some way I could go. I held two things in tension: the strong desire to do something I love and the realization that this strong desire was not from God.

Whenever I’ve felt the pull to say yes and do something life-giving for others, I haven’t given it a second thought. I assume this desire must be from God. Now I know it might not. Now I can see how I got hoodwinked into doing so much in the fall. Some of the fruit of my labour was exhaustion. No wonder I didn’t want to do much during Advent.

Ignatius would have said “the evil spirit” used false consolation to hoodwink me. Thomas Merton might have suspected my “False Self” was deceptively feeding my desire for honour and pride. Either way, I must concede: sometimes there is a dark force at work in me that doesn’t have my best interest at heart. But, by God’s grace and with Fred’s help, I’m onto it.

Miracleofthefig

Each tree is recognized by its own fruit. People do not pick
figs from thorn bushes or grapes from briers.
–Luke 6:44

∗ ∗ ∗

Love Mischief for the World

Heidi's yarnOur daughter, Heidi, has been creating beautiful things ever since she got the hang of scissors. Her love of textiles and respect for all living things eventually sparked the idea for what is now Vegan Yarn. In her home studio, Heidi hand-dyes plant-based, predominantly organic yarns with earth-friendly dyes. Vegan Yarn is shipped to knitters and shop owners all over the world. “We work mindfully to create beautiful things that exist for more than their own sake, that do not exist at the expense of someone’s happiness but as works of art that are made of freedom, compassion and joy.” –Heidi Braacx

What love mischief are you and God doing to care for the earth?
 Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
“Frayed rope” by Heidelberger Law, Image labelled for reuse.
“Miracle of the Fig” Byzantine Icon. Wikimedia Commons.
Photo of yarn by Heidi Braacx. Used with permission.
“Hearts Desire” banner photo (not visible on  home page) by Ted Rheingold. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in Ignatian Spirituality, Popular Posts, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

DIY Prayer Retreat #6: Praying with Our Senses at the Beginning of a New Year

Posted on February 4, 2016 by Esther Hizsa

Nearly every month I gather with friends for a silent retreat. It has been a rich experience. I explained how it works here.

Thanks to Ann Green, who helped me put this retreat together.

Supplies needed:

  • Jelly Bellies (5 per person)
  • an assortment of photographs or pictures cut out of magazines
  • art supplies such as: sketch paper, construction paper, tissue paper, scissors, glue, markers, crayons, pencil crayons, etc. (optional)

The first Bird Back by Lulu Lovering

 

Praying with Our Senses at the Beginning of a New Year

10:00 am:  Arrive and enjoy conversation over tea or coffee.

10:30 am: Gather in silence and listen to a restful instrumental song such as Mary’s Lullaby –Gemma, Rest 

Light a candle and read aloud:

Pied Beauty 

GLORY be to God for dappled things—
For skies of couple-colour as a brinded cow;
For rose-moles all in stipple upon trout that swim;
Fresh-firecoal chestnut-falls; finches’ wings;
Landscape plotted and pieced—fold, fallow, and plough;
And all trades, their gear and tackle and trim.       

 All things counter, original, spare, strange;
Whatever is fickle, freckled (who knows how?)
With swift, slow; sweet, sour; adazzle, dim;
He fathers-forth whose beauty is past change:
Praise him.
  —Gerard Manley Hopkins (1844–89)

Housefinch with Goldfinch

Welcome! Today we will use our senses to pray as we let go of the old and welcome the new. Listen to the words of Isaiah, the prophet:

This is what the Lord says—
    he who made a way through the sea,
    a path through the mighty waters,
who drew out the chariots and horses,
    the army and reinforcements together,
and they lay there, never to rise again,
    extinguished, snuffed out like a wick:
“Forget the former things;
    do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland.
—Isaiah 43:16-19

Listen to the words of Matthew:

As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. “Come, follow me,” Jesus said, “and I will send you out to fish for people.”  At once they left their nets and followed him.

Going on from there, he saw two other brothers, James son of Zebedee and his brother John. They were in a boat with their father Zebedee, preparing their nets. Jesus called them,  and immediately they left the boat and their father and followed him. —Matthew 4:18-22

In the next four hours of silence, you are invited to listen to your soul and listen to God as you pray with the following exercises.

Jelly Bellies by Wicked Sushi

Prayer Exercise #1:  Jelly Belly Prayer

Taste and see that the Lord is good;
blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.
–Psalm 34:8

  • Sit comfortably alert with your eyes closed. Take a few deep breaths and then begin to breathe normally again. Relax into your breathing and take some time to let go of distracting thoughts and come fully into the present. Open your heart to Jesus who is present to you now.
  • Ask the Holy Spirit to awaken your senses and guide you.
  • With your eyes still closed, take one Jelly Belly and put it into your mouth. Take your time as you taste and chew it.
  • What do you taste? What do you feel as you taste it? What words describe the flavours and your response to it?
  • Let the flavour or response bring to mind an experience from the past year. Take a few minutes reliving that experience with Jesus.
  • Receive it as an unchangeable moment in your life.
  • Breathe in and out: Amen
  • When you are ready, choose another Jelly Belly. Repeat the above process until all 5 candies are consumed.
  • What was most significant to you in this prayer exercise? You may want to journal about it.

Between prayer exercises enjoy a puzzle, sketch, colour, knit, go for a contemplative walk.

“The contemplative dimension of walking comes through my presence to the world around me and to what is moving through me as I walk. I listen for the ways the divine is speaking through the world. I listen to my own heart beating more loudly because of the vigour of my movement. I listen for the ways that new ideas arise in this space.” — Christine Valters Paintner, The Artist’s Rule

splash!-Anne Yungwirth

Prayer Exercise #2:   Visio Divina 

Opening to the image

  1. Choose a photograph that evokes the strongest response in you (positive or negative).
  2. Open your heart to the movement of the Spirit in this moment.
  3. Take a good loving look at the image. What do you notice first? What do you notice next?
  4. Take a moment to notice within yourself  your initial responses to the image as you pay attention?
  5. Take another good look at the image, noticing the details to see what might be there that are important for you.
  6. Again, notice within yourself what arises in you? What seems to be strong—either attraction or aversion?

Conversation with God

  1. What do you sense God offering you?
  2. What would you like to say to God?
  3. Let the conversation flow as it seems appropriate.

Stillness

  1. Take a few minutes to be still with what has been given. Allow your heart to settle with what is present for you today.
  2. Offer a final expression of loving surrender to God.

leaf cropped

 

Optional activity for longer retreats : Multimedia artwork  

  1. Reread Isaiah 43:16-19 & Matthew 4:18-22
  2. Draw or cut out and paste on a piece of construction paper a tree with branches on it.
  3. Cut out leaves from construction paper to go on the tree. Make them big enough to write one or two words on them.
  4. Make some leaves spring colours (green) and others fall colours (yellow, orange, brown, red).
  5. On the fall leaves write down former things you feel God inviting you to let go of.
  6. On the spring leaves write down new things God is doing or bringing into your life.
  7. Using the other supplies provided, draw or add anything else you would like to put in your picture.

“Be. Here. This moment. Now is all there is, don’t go seeking another. Discover the sacred in your artist’s tools; they are the vessels of the altar of your own unfolding. Look at this cup of holy water, washing clean the brushes. See the blank page, awaiting your blessing. Gaze on the colours before you, each one a name of God: Saffron, Cobalt, Azure, Ruby. Say each one slowly and taste its juice in your mouth. Let this be your prayer. Brush them across the page. First the small strokes, then the large sweeps. Lose track of all time. This too is prayer. Listen for the words that rise up: Awaken. Envision. Sing, Alleluia. Place marks on the page saying I am here. Watch as word and image dance together. Luminous. Illuminated. This is your sacred text. This is where God’s words are spoken, sometimes in whispers, sometimes in shouts. Be there to catch them as they pass over those sacred lips, tumbling so generously into your open arms.”
— Christine Valters Paintner, The Artist’s Rule

 3:00 pm: Gather again in silence and listen to a restful instrumental song such as All Shall Be Well –Gemma, Trust

  • Share what was most significant for you today.
  • Allow for a moment of silent prayer after each person shares.
  • Close in prayer.

Lord, you have made a way into this year,
a path through the mighty waters;
let us go forth together.
We leave behind our former things
and receive the new thing you are doing.
Walk with us into the wilderness;
help us drink deeply from your stream.
Amen

 

Credits and References:
“The First Bird Back’ by Lulu Lovering. Used with permission.
“House Finch and Goldfinch” by Beau Considine. Used with permission.
Photo of Jelly Bellies by Wicked Sushi. Used with permission.
“Splash” by Anne Yungwirth. Used with permission.
Instructions for Visio Divina are from SoulStream’s Living from the Heart course. Used with permission.
“Leaf’ by seyed mostafa zamani (cropped slightly). Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2016.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in Prayer, Prayer Retreat Outline, Reflections, Resource | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Assumptions

Posted on January 29, 2016 by Esther Hizsa

Latte_art_in_a_Starbucks_Coffe_ShopI ran into my neighbour the other day at Starbucks. He lives alone and has been on government assistance because of a disability for most of his life. I have wondered how he makes ends meet, especially with the recent increase in food prices.

“Have seat,” he said and pushed a chair toward me. “Been shopping?”

“Yeah. I can’t believe how much these fruits and vegetables cost.” I took off my loaded backpack and sat down.

“They sure are expensive,” he said. In our conversation I learned where he shopped to get the best deals. “I eat pretty simply–oatmeal for breakfast, beans, rice and vegetables for supper.”

“What’s the highlight of your week?”

He smiled. “My roast chicken dinner Fridays and coming here for coffee. I like getting out; I meet some pretty interesting people.”

“You know, if you register your Starbucks card, you get free coffee on your birthday.”

“At Christmas, I got a bunch of coffee cards from my family and one from a friend at church. His note said, ‘You’re always making coffee for us, I thought you might enjoy drinking some yourself.’  I thought the card might have ten dollars on it. But it had fifty! I could hardly believe it. Between him and my family, I’m set for the year.”

As I got up to go, I remembered to tell him where he could get Cobs bread for free on Saturday mornings.

“They make good bread,” he said. “But, on Saturday mornings, I like to go out for coffee   then treat myself to lunch, so I don’t think I will. But thanks for telling me about it.”

I offered to save some for him the next time Fred and I were asked to pick it up.

“I like the seedy loaf.” But after he thought more about it, he said, “That’s okay. I likely wouldn’t be able to eat it before it goes bad. I would have already bought the bread I need for the week, and I only have a small freezer in my fridge. But, I’ll keep it in mind.”

He hugged me goodbye. “Peace be with you,” he said.

“And with you.”

Half way home I realized: I had just assumed that because my neighbour is on Disability, he doesn’t have enough and could use my help to get more. But he is at peace with his life and generously shares that peace with me.

hands reaching out little star

Take, Lord, and receive all my liberty,
my memory, my understanding and my entire will
–all that I have and call my own.
You have given it all to me.
To you, Lord, I return it.
Everything is yours, do with it as you will.
Give me only your love and your grace.
That is enough for me.
–Ignatius of Loyola

∗ ∗ ∗

Love Mischief for the World

Love by Dustin Gaffke

Erik is a father of two young boys. He has been a stay-at-home dad for five years. I asked him if he enjoyed it. “Oh, yes. I love it,” he said. “Sure, my wife and I miss the old days when we had more money and just did whatever we wanted. But it’s all right; we have enough.” Erik and his family have discovered: when we are content with what we have, there’s more time for those we love.

What love mischief are you and God doing to care for the earth?
 Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
“Latte Art in a Starbucks Coffee Shop” from Wikimedia Commons.
“Reaching Out” by little*star. Used with permission.
“Love” by Dustin Gaffke. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2016.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in Ignatian Spirituality, Spiritual Direction, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Sometimes God Doesn’t Share Our Point of View

Posted on January 22, 2016 by Esther Hizsa

Binoculars portraitI came home from the Wednesday Lunch Club, an outreach for those who are homeless or at risk of homelessness, feeling frustrated with myself. I had met the homeless man who was badly burned last winter when his tent caught on fire. He and I talked for a while, but, on retrospect, I seemed more focussed on helping him get food and clothing, than on hearing his story. Now I wished I had stopped and listened longer.

I set my disappointment aside. It was nearly one o’clock, and “Carol” would be arriving any minute for spiritual direction.

“I was pretty stressed out when I got into my car to go to a doctor’s appointment,” she told me after we began. “But Jesus spoke to me. He said, ‘Carol, look at me. I’m with you. You can do this.’ And I did. The appointment went very well.”

“Wow,” I said. “I love how you heard Jesus so clearly and how he helped you through that.”

“Yeah, if I listen,” she said dejectedly.

Carol longed for the freedom to always respond to God’s voice. “But something in me rebels,” she said. The times she didn’t listen and receive God’s loving direction seemed to negate the times she did.

“When you close your eyes and imagine Jesus knowing all this, how does he respond?”

“He’s compassionate . . . and understanding.” I saw her shoulders relax. Jesus seemed unconcerned about the times she didn’t lean into him; he was enjoying the moment when she did.

Carol’s visit helped me see my interaction at the Lunch Club differently. I thought I hadn’t listened well enough, and assumed that God shared my point of view. Maybe not.

I went over my conversation with the fellow I met. “Twenty-three cars went by before somebody stopped to help me,” he had said. More and more of the conversation came back to me. I was surprised by the details I had heard. I remembered asking him if he had a place to live now. “Oh, yes,” he said softly. “It’s nice. But they were sad to see me leave the hospital. They told me when I was there, I brightened up the place.” I looked at this gentle man and could believe it.

As I remembered all this, I too felt God’s compassion and caught a glimpse of a divine smile.

Raindrip slgckgc

She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God
who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen the One who sees me.”
PUT_CHARACTERS_HEREhhhhbbbbhhhhhhh–Genesis 16:13

∗ ∗ ∗

Love Mischief for the World

Love by Dustin Gaffke

“Sue” is a regular at the Wednesday Lunch Club. She  enjoys the camaraderie and, like many, often leaves with as much food and clothing as she can carry. However, by the time she gets home, she has given most of it away. “What else can I do when I see someone who is cold and wet with nothing to eat?” she says.

Last Wednesday, as soon as the volunteers locked up, a latecomer arrived. While someone offered him their sandwiches, Sue dropped her bag on the ground and pulled off the sweater she had just found and fallen in love with. She handed it to the man who couldn’t thank her enough.

What love mischief are you and God doing to care for the earth?
 Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and references:
“Binoculars Portrait” by gerlos. Used with permission.
Carol’s story (not her real name) was shared with her permission.
“Raindrop” by slgckgc, Used with permission.
“Love” by Dustin Gaffke. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2016.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in Spiritual Direction, Stories, Wednesday Lunch Club | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Enough

Posted on January 15, 2016 by Esther Hizsa

A lot of dollars by Reynermedia“My husband and I met with our financial advisor,” a friend said at a New Year’s Eve party. “He told us we’ve saved enough money, and we should start spending it.” After a life of carefully saving for retirement, she could hardly believe it: they have enough.

I wonder what it would be like to say that I have enough of anything: money, time, clothes, books, friends, accomplishments, comfort, love.

Do I really think I would be happier if I had more? Can’t I be happy enough, right now in this moment?

It all hinges on my believing that God is enough, and on God believing that I’m enough. As I write these words, my soul does a little happy dance. It knows: God is and you are.

Last week I told my spiritual director, “You know how a boat slows down and stops for a moment before the sails fill again, and it changes direction? I feel like I’m in that still place.”

Half a year ago, God asked me, “Am I enough for you?” I couldn’t say no. But I couldn’t say yes either. But now, God is not asking me. God is telling me, showing me, allowing me time to do nothing of great importance and feel satisfied. It’s strange, yet peaceful. I’m in no hurry for my sails to fill and for this boat to move on.

Feather 2 Jim Champion

Better is a handful with quiet
    than two handfuls with toil,
    and a chasing after wind.
–Ecclesiastes 4:6

∗ ∗ ∗

Love Mischief for the World

Love by Dustin Gaffke

That rascal God, who can’t keep silent (Isaiah 62:1), is poking around in our lives, waking us up to reality: God is enough and we are enough.

Notice what God is doing in your life to show you that it’s true, and you will be doing great love mischief for the world. For more on that, read Richard Rohr’s daily meditations.

What love mischief are you and God doing to care for the earth?
 Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
“A lot of dollars” by Reynermedia. Used with permission.
“Feather 2” by Jim Champion. Used with permission.
“Love” by Dustin Gaffke. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2016.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in Christmas, Mystical, Reflections | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Epiphany

Posted on January 8, 2016 by Esther Hizsa

Xmas Cactus Schlumbergera_Buckleyi_GroupMid-November one lone blossom adorned my Christmas cactus. By Advent it was fuller than ever. It continued to blossom during the Christmas season and into Epiphany. Directees commented on it when they came, and I sat beside this bush, which was burning with glory, as I listened to them.

Silently, daily, gloriously, the plant declared: Christ has come! God is with us.

While I hid in the cleft of the rock and avoided Christmas expectations, blossoms continued to bud, bloom and fall. Mid-December God sang to me this verse from Song of Solomon:

My dove in the clefts of the rock,
    in the hiding places on the mountainside,
show me your face,
    let me hear your voice;
for your voice is sweet,
    and your face is lovely.

Cactus_de_noël_rev

God found me in my hiding place, crept in and said, “There you are. Let me look at your beautiful face and hear your sweet voice.”

Not once did God, like a disappointed parent, say, “Now, Esther (sigh), we need to talk.” Instead, from the safety of our nook, God showed me how new traditions were budding and old ones falling away.

We collected spent blossoms and welcomed pink buds. I hadn’t filled stockings or wrapped many presents, yet gifts were given and received. I didn’t bake one cookie, yet a feast was enjoyed. Without a check list, loved ones were cherished, a Eucharist shared, the birth of Christ celebrated, and an Epiphany bestowed: it was enough.

∗ ∗ ∗

Love Mischief for the World

Love by Dustin Gaffke

We live in a world driven by the need for more, even when we already have enough. What would it be like if we were set free from the compulsion to be, have, and do more? Author, therapist, and minister Wayne Muller shares much love mischief with the world in his book  A Life of Being, Having and Doing Enough. Muller believes, “By learning compassion and mercy for ourselves and by recognizing what is most profoundly true about who we are and what we need, we can gain the self-acceptance so that whatever we choose to do, in this moment, it is wholly enough.”

What love mischief are you and God doing to care for the earth?
 Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
Photos of the Schlumbergera (Christmas Cactus) are from Wikipedia Commons.
Song of Solomon 2:14
Quote about Muller’s book is from his book description. 
“Love” by Dustin Gaffke. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2016.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in Christmas, Popular Posts, Reflections | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

A New Year’s Wish

Posted on January 1, 2016 by Esther Hizsa

It’s a new year, and I would love to leave my old identity behind.

Remember in “Undoing My Life” God asked me to let go of my identity as the Rejected One? That undoing continues whenever I feel rejected.

I hate it when that happens. I always want to do something about it so I never feel that way again. But in my last spiritual direction session, I was invited to look for what God was already doing.

Soon afterwards a friend told me her granddaughter had come for another sleep-over at their place. Knowing “Amy” is on the autism spectrum, I suspected this might be a challenge, even though she and her cousins have been coming regularly for years and look forward to it.

I remembered hearing about the previous time Amy was there. It was getting late, and the seven-year-old was still awake.

“I miss Mom and Dad,” Amy had said. She squeezed her eyelids shut and pressed her fingers into them to hold back the tears. “I want to go home.”

Even after Amy talked with both parents on the phone, she couldn’t be consoled. She put on her coat over his pyjamas, and my friend took her home.

This time when Amy came for a sleepover, she came out of her room at ten o’clock. Once again she held back tears as she talked with her mother on the phone. But this time, she hung up and said bravely, “I’m going to stay.”

My friend lay down with her for a while. Eventually, Amy fell asleep.

Because of her autism, Amy finds intense feelings like anger and excitement difficult to contain. She is compelled to do something to get them out of her body. Now my friend realized loneliness has a similar effect. It was hard for Amy to let this big feeling pass.

Though Amy may not have been aware of it, God was with her, holding her while it did.

And God is also with me, holding me as the big feeling of rejection comes and goes.

StJohnsAshfield_StainedGlass_GoodShepherd_Portrait

When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
–Isaiah 43:2

∗ ∗ ∗

Love Mischief for the World

Love by Dustin Gaffke

Here’s some touching love mischief 19-year-old Erica’s been up to in Calgary, Alberta. http://calgaryherald.com/health/family-child/from-hardscrabble-to-scrabble-thanks-to-the-alex. Erica, you are awesome!

What love mischief are you and God doing to care for the earth?
 Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
The first image from a collage I did.
“Good Shepherd” from  St John the Baptist Anglican Church, Ashfield, New South Wales. Image from Wikipedia Commons.
“Love” by Dustin Gaffke. Used with permission.
Note: names and a few details of this story have been changed to protect the persons’ privacy.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2016.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in autism, Reflections, Spiritual Direction, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Christmas: As Is

Posted on December 25, 2015 by Esther Hizsa

The Nativity 1890 1910 by Franz Mayer&Co (detail) by Plum Leaves

I wonder if Joseph was peeved
when Mary, between contractions,
ordered him to close the door
then,
as soon as he did,
wanted it open again.

I wonder if,
in that chorus of angels,
one or two sang flat
and if some shepherds
–feeling and smelling sheepish–
were hesitant to go.

I wonder if
–after Mary gave birth to the Christ child
on scratchy straw
next to dog’s breath and cat fleas–
it didn’t still hurt like the dickens.

And I wonder if
the star was that bright
or the kings so sure.

But I don’t wonder
if God was troubled
that it wasn’t
quite
perfect.

∗ ∗ ∗

Love Mischief for the World

Love by Dustin Gaffke

The greatest love mischief of all is being celebrated this day around the world.

Come, let us adore him!

What love mischief are you and God doing to care for the earth?
Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
“The Nativity” 1890-1910 by Franz Mayer & Co (detail) photo by Plum leaves. Used with permission.
Banner (not visible on home page) “Christmas” by Joe Buckingham. Used with permission.
“Love” by Dustin Gaffke. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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Satisfying the Desires of All

Posted on December 18, 2015 by Esther Hizsa

Hands“Insights are a dime a dozen,” Father Richard explained to the small gathering of spiritual directors last Sunday afternoon. “It doesn’t matter so much what an experience in prayer means; what matters is that we stay with God in it.”

Relief washed over me as I thought about my own life. It didn’t matter why I was feeling ambivalent about Christmas. What would I gain from knowing anyway? I’d only end up blaming myself or trying to fix something I can’t. Insight is overrated. I know all the reasons why I overeat, but it doesn’t stop me from eating.

On Monday my Advent reading led me to Psalm 145:16, “You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing.”

What a wild claim. All desires? Of every living thing?

I have a small clay sculpture of God’s hands with the holy family in it. Mary and Joseph are lying down on either side of baby Jesus. An angel kneels at Jesus’ head and a donkey is so close to Mary’s ear, she can feel his breath on her neck. The donkey, angel, and parents rest in God’s hands, the desire of their hearts fulfilled.

I held God’s open hands in mine and imagined myself there.

God, you don’t satisfy me by opening your hands and giving me what I want. You open your hands and invite me–and every living thing–to crawl into them. And there we rest satisfied.

And so I rest in God with God, and all my desires rest too.

Rural Christmas Scenic at Dusk

Advent Reflection Question:

  • What image, texture or sound invites you into God’s hands?

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Love Mischief for the World

Love by Dustin Gaffke

Seventeen years ago my brother Ron, who lives in Minnesota, spent Christmas with us and offered Fred a gift that would satisfy a deep longing. Fred received that gift the following May when Ron returned again. He and Fred checked into St. Paul’s hospital: Ron the donor, Fred the recipient of one of my brother’s kidneys. “It was a big deal,” I told him afterwards, but my brother couldn’t resist an opportunity to make us laugh. “Not really,” he said. “I gave him the pissy one.”

What love mischief are you and God doing to care for the earth?
Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
“The Holy Family in God’s Hands” by Fred Hizsa, Used with permission.
“Rural Christmas Scenic at Dusk” photo of 1909 vintage greeting card by Royce Bair. Used with permission.
“Love” by Dustin Gaffke. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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Where I Am

Posted on December 11, 2015 by Esther Hizsa

scrooge Paul Towsend“It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” sings Andy Williams over the store’s loud speakers. I can’t get out of the mall fast enough.

On my walk home, I remember that it’s the second week of Advent, and we still haven’t put up our Christmas decorations. I wonder what it would be like to not do it at all.

I have mixed feelings about Advent and Christmas. I enjoy the parties, the lighting of the candles, and the certainty that the One we are waiting for comes. But there is something about this season and its thin veneer of cheer that unsettles me. Part of my Christmas joy is the anticipation of relief when it’s over.

I’m not depressed and nothing bad is happening, unlike one friend who has lost her husband. Mornings and evenings are the worst, she says. Many people I know are not finding this season wonderful. They gasp for breath while waves of pain, loss or rejection wash over them.

I don’t know why I’m uninspired to sing carols or wrap presents. I just am.

I somehow manage to keep up with my Advent readings. In one of them, Isaiah tells me that God “tends his flock like a shepherd. He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart.”

In Matthew I read Jesus’ parable about that same shepherd. I imagine him leaving the ninety-nine enthusiasts to seek the curmudgeon who has wandered from the fold.

And where does this Good Shepherd find me? Not on some lofty knoll, where I wish I was but hunkered down in a cleft of rock, waiting for Christmas to be over.

He finds me where I am.

And when he does, he squeezes in, puts his arm around me, and waits there with me.

Good shepherd

“If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not
leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one who has wandered
off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than
about the ninety-nine that did not wander off.” –Matthew 18:12-13

Advent Reflection Questions:

  • If the Good Shepherd were looking for you, where would he find you?
  • What would you say to him? How does he respond to you?

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Love Mischief for the World

Love by Dustin Gaffke

Churches in my neighbourhood are actively helping Syrian refugees. Some, like St. Stephen the Martyr, are working with other churches to raise funds and provide support for new refugees. Others are working with existing organizations like More Than A Roof or Journey Home.

What love mischief are you and God doing to care for the earth?
Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
“Scrooge” by Paul  Townsend. Used with permission.
Isaiah 40:11
“The Good Shepherd” is by Liturgical Works
“Love” by Dustin Gaffke. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2015.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014, 2015.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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