The Patience to Wait

Posted on November 9, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

Do you have the patience to wait
till your mud settles and the water is clear?
Can you remain unmoving
till the right action arises by itself?
― Lao tzu, Chinese philopsopher, 6th century BC

 

El-roi, the God who sees me

sees me

trying to settle my mud
stirring up more
striving to find
clarity

and shows me

a tiny bud on my Christmas cactus
then another,
and another.

Peace is given
and trust.

The right action
will arise.

In returning and rest, you will be saved.
In quietness and trust you will find strength.
–Isaiah 30:15 (Voice)

Credits and References:
“Patience” by IShutterToThink. Used with permission.
The Patience to Wait by Esther Hizsa, 2024.
“Patience” by Alistair Nicol. Used with permission. 
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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Here Now

Posted on November 2, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

Between my father’s passing
and the spreading of his ashes,
my mother whispered to her husband,
“I miss you.”
I hear in her words how much he loved her
and she, him.  

I think about my father 
with us now
as promised in scripture.
In God, we live and move and have our being,
nothing separates us,
we are in Christ.
Christ is with us
here
now

and so is my dad–
not as he was,
limited by experiences,
wounded by his past,
untethered, 
unfree,
but as he is now
at home in his true essence
enveloped in love
unfettered,
full of joy, peace and love.

This father, I have only glimpsed 
from time to time
This father I do not know.
“You weren’t there,”
I say.

In reply, I hear,
“I’m here now.”

And I feel myself
a little more tethered
a little more free.

The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying:
“I have loved you with an everlasting love;
I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.
–Jeremiah 31:3 (NIV)

Credits and References:
“Drop” by rjp. Used with permission.
Here Now by Esther Hizsa, 2024
“Calmness” by Maria Eklind. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com

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The Penny Drops

Posted on October 25, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

The penny drops,
and enlightenment
is eclipsed
by the realization that
what had to be pointed out to me
was obvious to everyone else.

Wonder hardly got a foot in the door
before embarrassment
shoved past her.

Still, I’m glad I see now
what I couldn’t see then.
It helps me be kind.

And I’m grateful someone 
was brave enough
to speak up
and didn’t make
a big deal about it.

How exquisite your love, O God!
How eager we are to run under your wings. . .
You’re a fountain of cascading light,
and you open our eyes to light.
–Psalm 36:7,9 (The Message)

Credits and References:
Conversation by YoungDoo M. Carey. Used with permission.
The Penny Drops by Esther Hizsa, 2024.
All the Beauty That’s Inside (hand holding flowers) by Βethan. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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The Demon of Resentment

Posted on October 18, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

We had a great plan. 

Then, bit by bit,
what took shape
changed
and changed again
until I was left with 
more than my share of work
and responsibility
along with enough resentment
to keep me awake at night.
What could I do
to right this ship?
I wanted to enjoy the smooth ride 
everyone else seemed to be having.

Compassion may come in the night,
but rarely wisdom.

In the morning, I hoped something
in Pray as You Go
might change my perspective,
but it was just another story
that didn’t apply to me

until the second reading.

I heard “by the finger of God 
I cast out the demons.”
While I don’t see resentment as a demon,
I wondered if God might want to
relieve me of it.

So, I set it aside for a moment.

What if, not in every case, but in this one,
I chose to accept this cup of suffering.
What if I chose to give more
and do more than my share
so my friends could take it easy?

I let that sink in
and sensed I could do that. 

This time, anyway. 

Dare to love and to be a real friend. The love you give and receive is a reality that will lead you closer and closer to God as well as those whom God has given you to love. –Henri Nouwen, The Inner Voice of Love

Credits and References:
“Two hands, one cup” by Svein Halvor Halvorsen. Used with permission.
The Demon of Resentment” by Esther Hizsa, 2024.
“A Cup of Love” by charcoal soul. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com

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Certain

Posted on October 12, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

The five-year-old ignored
the advertised exhibits
and, nose pressed to the glass,
patiently waited,
until she saw a crack,
a tiny beak.
Finally, a wet, vulnerable chick 
emerged from its protective shell.

The child learned:
if you wait long enough,
you get what you hoped for.

But certainty crumbled
when she didn’t get the prize,
a loved one died,
another shut the door,
and a third moved on without her.

Then, she learned
you can wait and wait and wait. . .
you can die before receiving
what you hoped for.

She was certain now
of her helplessness.

Yet, year after year, she tended 
a plant that might never flower.

One day, 
when she forgot she was waiting,
a bud appeared.
It opened and revealed 
the tender seeds it guarded,
tight-fisted.
Then, heart pressed against her chest,
she leaned in and listened 
as her beloved flower
let its petals
fall
one by one
into her grateful, trembling hands. 

I have learned not to worry about love;
but to honour its coming with all my heart.
–Alice Walker

Credits and References:
“Baby Chick Hatching” by Joan. Used with permission.
“Certain” by Esther Hizsa, 2024
“Geum Cosmopolitan” by Sylvia Sassen. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com

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Return to Your Rest

Posted on October 5, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

I really wish 
I could wake up grounded,
walk through the day with ease,
and be content with what comes.

It’s not how my life goes
most days.

But I can return
and find rest for my soul, 
for You are beside me,
always within me.

Return to your rest, my soul,
for the Lord has been good to you.
–Pslam 116:7 (NIV)

Credits and References:
“Bark Cabin Natural Area” by  Nicholas A. Tonelli. Used with permission.
Return to Your Rest by Esther Hizsa, 2024.
“Loneliness” by Alice Popkorn. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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My Favourite Things

Posted on September 27, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

Cream-covered cupcakes and no-fault insurance,
No big surprises and endless assurance,
Wild geese that fly with my cares on their wings,
These are a few of my favourite things.

I’ve been putting together a playlist
of my favourite attachments.
Oh, the delight I feel 
when I hear the opening bars of each song.

Top of the list is
All By Myself, May that Never Be
followed by
Money, Come My Way.
Then those old favourites
Everybody Loves Somebody and that Somebody Is Me
Let It Be My Way,
I Must Get Some Satisfaction
and
It’s a Wonderful World,
the extended version that includes this verse
“I see days without fears
sleep-filled nights 
people forgive 
my oversights,
and I say to myself,
“I’m a wonderful girl.”

When those songs play,
my anxieties are appeased.
I can hold onto the belief
that I will finally arrive
and be what I always wanted to be:
Practically Perfect in Every Way.

Thomas Merton once said, “We should all get down on our knees right now
and thank God we can’t live the way we want to.”
— James Finley, Turning to the Mystics, Meister Eckhart, Dialogue 4.

Credits and References:
Dreamy Young Woman Listening to Music by Gustavo Fring on Pexels, Creative Commons.
My Favourite Things by Esther Hizsa, 2024.
Mary Poppins by DarthxErik at Deviant Art. Creative Commons.

© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com

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Leaving the Sidewalk

Posted on September 20, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

“You’re brave,” the woman at the desk said.
“You ride your bike in traffic so confidently.
I stick to the sidewalks.”

“You’re a good listener,” someone else said the next day.

Then another person
and another
told me something that helped me believe
I’m valuable, needed, and wanted.

“Do you hear that?” You say, heart smiling.

I talk about it in spiritual direction
and come away elated.
I ride into my life with confidence,
picturing the freedom to swoop past
the loud voices that say I’m expendable.

But I can’t.

I’m knocked down again.
“Get off the street,” an experience yells out the window.

I think about returning to the sidewalk
where it’s safe.

But bikes don’t belong on sidewalks
and neither do I.

Someone once asked Saint Benedict, who lived in the fifth century, “What do you monks do in the monastery all day?” And he said, “Fall down and get up. Fall down and get up. Fall down and get up.” –James Finley, in “Breathing God”, an interview with Tami Simon

Credits and References:
“Woman on bike” by  pikpik,com. Royalty free. 
Leaving the Sidewalk by Esther Hizsa, 2024
“Adorable girl on a bike” by Skylar Ewing at Pexels.com
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com

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Present Moment, Wonderful Moment

Posted on September 13, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

For so long
I focussed on doing important things,
prioritizing one activity over another
and resenting ordinary, necessary tasks–
cooking, cleaning, check-ups, and paying bills.

Then, I kept company with folks even older than me.
They helped me slow down
and be present
to where I was and who I was with.
The wisdom of the mystics
took root.
Every task
can be done with the awareness
that I am doing it in God, with God
and that makes each moment a wonderful one.

Once I stopped
resenting one moment for not being as valuable as the next,
stopped accusing it of wasting my time,
peace settled in,
even awe, sometimes.

Now, when I feel anxious about how I’m spending my time,
I’m more apt to notice
that I’m worrying about what to do next.
When I notice that,
I sense You reminding me:
all I have to do is what I’m doing right now
and then do the next wonderful thing.

Breathing in. There is only the present moment.
Breathing out. It is a wonderful moment. 
—Thich Nhat Hanh

Credits and References:
“Laatste blauwtjes..” by Sylvia Sassen. Used with permission.
Present Moment, Wonderful Moment by Esther Hizsa, 2024
“Autumn is coming” by Sylvia Sassen. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in Aging, community, compassion, Mindfulness, Poetry, Reflections | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The Gift of Awareness

Posted on September 6, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

On a beautiful day
when nothing was going wrong
anxiety showed up,
just in case I needed it, I suppose.

I scanned my life to see what I was concerned about.
Nothing.
Then disappointment showed up–
disappointment that I couldn’t enjoy the day
without this annoying “friend” making an appearance.

While I was wishing I was done with anxiety,
I noticed that I was wishing I was done with it.
There was the gift.
Stepping back helped me see
that I was attached to becoming anxiety-free.

Then, I found the freedom to imagine.
I could say hello to anxiety
and let it pass through.
(Although I was tempted to add,
“Don’t let the door hit you
on the way out.”)

What you are aware of you are in control of;
what you are not aware of is in control of you.
― Anthony de Mello, Awareness

Credits and References:
Image of clouds by Helen Haden. Used with permission
The Gift of Awareness by Esther Hizsa, 2024.
Man opening door by Picryl.com Creative Commons
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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