The Way to Begin Anything

Posted on August 30, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

The way we would begin in prayer is that we belong to God. And all the prayer starts and unfolds out of that knowing that we belong to God. We are trying to get past the topic of prayer to this deep experience that we belong to God. We are God’s beloved. Renewing our faith that we are sitting there in God’s presence, God is all about us and within us, closer to us than we are to ourselves.
—Thomas Merton, from A Coaching Session on Lectio by James Finley

Every morning 
You invite me to begin my day
the same way You invite me to begin anything:
grounded in Your love,
breathing in the reality
that I belong to You.

I belong to You.
I am Your beloved
whom You will never leave nor forsake.
All I need
You have already given.
This is the truth that sets me free
to live and love and be
who I am–
fully alive,
a gift to the world.

“Come into the quiet,” You say.
“Let Me be the ground you walk on this day.
Let Me be the breath you return to
as I transform
every moment,
every circumstance
into a holy one,
opening your eyes
to see what I see.

“Remember what Parker Palmer says,
‘When the going gets rough, turn to wonder.’
Remember what Jim Finley says,
‘Your experience does not define you.
Only Love has the final say
in who you are.’

“And when you are caught once again
by the beauty of the hills
and feel indescribable joy, peace and delight,
know this:
That is the feeling 
of belonging to Me.
That is the feeling of being
My Beloved.”

 I lift up my eyes to the hills.
    From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth.
–Psalm 121:1,2 (ESV)

Credits and References:
Morning Sun by Conal Gallagher. Used with permission.
The Way to Begin Anything by Esther Hizsa, 2024.
Parker Palmer quote from Circle of Trust
James Finley quote from many of his podcasts in Turning to the Mystics.
Vernon, B.C. by Ernest Hawkes. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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On That Day

Posted on August 23, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

You will say on that day:
“I will give thanks to you, O Lord …”
–Isaiah 12:1 (CEB)

On that day.
Not today,
but one day,
you will give thanks
for what you cannot
give thanks for now.

Even though others
are grateful
and assume you are too,
it’s okay.
You don’t need to confess
or explain.
Who has words for it, anyway?

On this day,
you will give thanks
that there is nothing you need to be or become.
Rest in Me 
where you are
and let that day come
in its time.

Lay down your burdens
And rest for a while
The shepherd who seeks you
Is gentle and kind
There’s nothing to pay for
And nothing to earn
And nothing you have to become.
—Take It Easy by Matt Maher and Paul Zach

Credits and References:
“Bud” by Jim Nelson. Used with permission.
“On That Day” by Esther Hizsa, 2024.
“Forget Me Nots” by Jim Nelson. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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Accident on the Trans Canada Highway near Field, B.C.

Posted on August 12, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

Ten kilometres from our destination,
we came to a dead
stop.

Over the next few hours,
the line of stopped vehicles grew

from five kilometres to twelve.
Emergency vehicles came.

A helicopter landed and left.
When three tow trucks went by,
we were hopeful.
But no. Next update in six hours.

We were one of the lucky ones
who didn’t have hotel reservations,
a plane to catch,
or a loved one who wouldn’t come home.
We just had to turn back a short distance
to a campground down the road.
Soon, the campground filled
with those who gave up waiting, too.

Twice this summer,
Fred and I have been stopped for hours
because of a traffic accident.

We were delayed,
others taken
right out of this life
and into the next.

I have filled this life
doing things that make me more solid,
and now that life has stopped.
God has placed me in a different campground
and surrounded me with God’s self
incarnate in the rock-solid peaks
silent trees, squirrels,
and a motley crew of travellers
with only one job:
to receive
what only God can give.

At the center of our being is a point of nothingness which is untouched by sin and by illusion, a point of pure truth, a point or spark which belongs entirely to God, which is never at our disposal from which God disposes of our lives, which is inaccessible to the fantasies of our own mind or the brutalities of our own will. This little point of nothingness and of absolute poverty is the pure glory of God in us. It is, so to speak, His name written in us as our poverty, as our indigence, as our dependence, as our sonship. It is like a pure diamond blazing with the invisible light of heaven. It is in everybody, and if we could see it, we would see these billions of points of light coming together in the face and blaze of a sun that would make all the darkness and cruelty of life vanish completely. I have no program for this seeing. It is only given, but the gate of heaven is everywhere. –Thomas Merton, Conjectures of A Guilty Bystander (Image, 1968), p. 155.

Note: My apologies for the recent inconsistency in posting on my blog. I’ve had limited access to wifi and that too felt like a stop that was out of my control. Letting go. Being with what is.

Credits and References:
Photo of the road closure on Hwy 1 near Field on Aug 7 2024 by Esther Hizsa. Used with permission.
Accident on the Trans Canada near Field, B.C. by Esther Hizsa, 2024
Photo of Hoodoo Campground by Esther Hizsa. Used with permission.

© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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On My Dad’s Passing

Posted on August 2, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

We left the hospital
to let my dad rest.
Before we could return,
the doctor called.
with the news of his passing.

I should have been there.

The dull ache of regret
lingers even though
I have all the right words to release it.

Regret,
blame, disappointment,
guilt, and powerlessness,
take up more space
than I wish they would.

But they don’t take up
all the space

Compassion invites me to breathe
and let them be.

This, too, shall pass.

A joy, a depression, a meanness…
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture…
–Rumi, The Guest House

Credits and References:
Photo of our dad, Max by Ron Frehner. Used with permission.
“On My Dad’s Passing” by E. Hizsa, 2024
“Geese” by Steve. Used with permission
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com

Posted in Aging, Poetry, Reflections | Tagged , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Terrors and Arrows

Posted on July 24, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day.
–Psalm 91:5

It happened again and again and again.
Moments when my body and mind
were in the same place
enjoying
the taste of freshly picked raspberries,
the smell of chopped basil,
the sight of a mama deer and her fawns,
the sound of my brother’s voice cracking another joke,
the feel of gliding downhill at the end of a long ride.

It’s easy not to fear when life is so good.

But fear didn’t return
after my brother went home
and I found my father
doubled over in pain, 
when the ambulance came
or during the long hours in emerge–
bloodwork, then more bloodwork,
x-rays, CT scan
IV, painkillers,
monitors beeping.

The doctor came
and went
and came again,
then the surgeon.
I thought fear might come 
when he laid out the risks
of a 96-year-old on blood thinners
with congestive heart failure
having an operation 
but it didn’t.

I went home and slept soundly
until the surgeon called
with good news.

My fears may return,
if the car part doesn’t arrive 
or wildfires threaten. 
But today,
I am here,
unafraid of the terrors and arrows
that may come tomorrow.

Credits and References:
“Mutter, Kind, Kind” by Lukas Stifter. Used with permission
“Terrors and Arrows” by Esther Hizsa, 2024
“Coldstream Valley, Vernon, B.C. by Ian Spence, Wikipedia, Creative Commons

© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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I Have Arrived

Posted on July 13, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

It was 38 degrees outside 
when I entered the cool of the seniors’ residence
with a potted cyclamen for my mom. 
Yvonne, my favourite resident, asks 
“Do you ever stop?”

I could have said, “Yes.”
and told her about my quiet times and retreats.
I could have told her that I’m a contemplative
and teach the importance of rest.
I could have told her about the talk I just heard
by Thích Nhất Hạnh called Stop Running.
But I said, “No.”
because I wanted to keep moving.

I dreamt again that I was running,
striving,
never getting where I needed to go.
Then I woke up and realized
it was a dream.
I felt such relief.

In my life, I’m running,
striving,
never arriving.
But, sometimes,
I pause and wake up,
and realize
I have arrived
I am home
always in You.

What a relief!

Then, if only for  a long, slow breath,
I say to my body and my mind,
I have arrived.
I am home.

For in God, we live and move and have our being.
–Acts 17:28 (NIV)

Credits and References:
“Stop?” by faungg’s photos. Used with permission.
I Have Arrived by Esther Hizsa, 2024
Muurbloem by Sylvia Sassen. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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Jesus’ Itinerary This Weekend

Posted on July 5, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

 So Jesus went with them.–Luke 7:6

Jesus will be in the seat next to this one
on his red-eye flight,
in the car,
and at the memorial of his loved one.

Jesus will be up at dawn,
grabbing his pack and joining another on the trail–
forty-five kilometres from start to finish before the day’s end.

That same day, Jesus, 
sticky and squished in the back seat 
on a long drive to see relatives,
may crack a few jokes.

In a foreign land on a big adventure,
Jesus will be noticing a young man’s melancholy 
and listening to him talk about what he loves.

Jesus will be riding on all the teams in the Tour de France
and cheering with each person in the crowd.

Jesus will be seen in Gaza and Ukraine.

And Jesus will go with me
into another ordinary day,
of cooking and laundry,
wondering and planning,
getting in my steps,
visiting my parents,
and watching another episode
of Monk.

Be strong and courageous…
for the Lord your God goes with you;
he will never leave you nor forsake you.
–Deuteronomy 31:6

Credits and References:
“Walking Together” by Sarah Horrigan. Used with permission.
Jesus Itinerary This Weekend by E. Hizsa, 2024
Together” by Susanne Nilsson. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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A Message in Surround Sound

Posted on June 29, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

The odometer on my bike flashes 9999.9. 
Until it’s reset, it won’t report 
my distance, time, or average speed– .
only how fast I’m going 
right now.

Signs on driveways and outside schoolyards
say, “Slow down.”

I notice how long it takes Fred to end his turn at Skipbo,
and how I want to shorten someone’s explanation.

I take my mom down to the singalong
and a resident tells me twice,
“You can stay and join us.”
But I don’t
because I’m in a hurry.

The market gardener,
Handydart driver,
and care aide
all have stories to tell
anyone who will pause
and see them.

The weeping willow that meets me at mealtimes,
the cows on the hill,
the inert snake stretched across my path
are my contemplative teachers.

There is a pervasive form of contemporary violence to which the idealist most easily succumbs: activism and overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a form, perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting concerns, to surrender to too many demands, to commit oneself to too many projects, to want to help everyone in everything, is to succumb to violence. The frenzy of our activism neutralizes our work for peace. It destroys our own inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of our own work because it kills the root of inner wisdom which makes work fruitful.
― Thomas Merton, Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander

Credits and References:
“Please Slow Down” by John Reynolds. Used with permission.
A Message in Surround Sound by Esther Hizsa, 2024.
“Brown Cow” by Sheffield Tiger. Used with permission
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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My Peace, I Give You

Posted on June 22, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

You came through locked doors 
and into our anxious hearts 
and said, “Peace, be with you.”

We passed it off, 
a greeting.

You said it again, 
“Peace be with you.”

And we remembered,
You promised to give us your peace
otherworldly and unaffected by circumstance.
You said, “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Don’t be afraid.”
as if that were possible.

But nothing is impossible for You.

You keep coming through locked doors and into troubled hearts
until one day we feel your peace–
if only for a moment.

But it only takes a moment
for a mustard seed of peace 
to grow into the possibility
of a tree full of peaceful moments so plentiful
the birds of the air nest in our branches.

Perhaps one day, we will say to each other,
“Something’s missing.”
Eventually, it comes to us:
We forgot to be anxious.

 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.
I do not give to you as the world gives.
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
–John 14:27

Credits and References
Parable of the Mustard Seed image by Lawrence OP. Used with permission.
“My Peace, I Give You” by Esther Hizsa, 2024
Door and Lock image by rainy city. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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The Truth That Set You Free

Posted on June 14, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

Sitting on the hillside,
listening to the preacher,
you can’t remember the words exactly–
something about the kingdom of God
and the list of who are blessed and belong–
and it dawned on you:
it’s everyone.
Everyone.
Everyone belongs in God’s forever kingdom of love,
including you.

Tears filled your eyes
and your heart thumped so loudly
anyone could hear it a block away.
You couldn’t stop the beautiful tears
from coming and birthing you into
a new world.

You know how it is;
when you hear truth in one place,
you begin to hear it everywhere
and you did–
in songs and poetry
in your dog’s wagging tail and the cashier’s smile,
in sacred texts of saints and mystics,
in podcasts,
and in the morning’s silence.

Love handed you a stethoscope
and said, “Listen to my heart,”
you belong,
you belong, 
you belong.

As if that wasn’t enough,
Love gave you places to practice
letting yourself feel
loved,
the fear of losing love,
and the wonder of surviving
love withdrawn. 

You began to believe
people like you,
love you, and
want to be your friend.

You discovered that
you can make mistakes,
piss people off,
and still belong.

As if that wasn’t enough
Love got into the creaky corners
of your unbelief,
heard the painful stories
of hurt and rejection
and, when the time was right,
said cool stuff like,
“Only love has the final say on who you are.”
and
“Forgive them, they didn’t know what they were doing.”

And as if that wasn’t enough,
you began to
live like you belong,
love like you belong–
solid and free.
Belonging oozes out of you
without you even trying.
You have more moments
of falling in love
with every person you meet.
Everything about you–
and I mean, everything–
tells them,
Sister,
Brother,
you belong.

Maybe this is your story,
maybe not,
or not yet.
But if something in you
would like it to be
that’s the truth at work
setting you free. 

Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
–John 8:32 (NIV)

Credits and References:
Sermon on the Mount photo by ROBERT HUFFSTUTTER. Used with permission.
The Truth That Set You Free by Esther Hizsa, 2024
Quote “Only love has the final say…” by James Finley in Turning to the Mystics
Quote “Forgive them,…” by Jesus, Luke 23:34
Kinderreigen (1872), Hans Thoma [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in Childhood, community, compassion, Poetry, Reflections | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments