A Celebration Fit for a Down-to-Earth King

Posted on December 29, 2017 by Esther Hizsa

For a number of years now, Fred and I have hosted a Christmas meal for a dozen or so people on Christmas Day at New Life Community Church. Our guests are folks from the Wednesday Lunch Club who would be otherwise alone on Christmas Day. Regular volunteers who would also be alone that day help prepare the meal and clean up.

Whenever anyone asks me how I spend Christmas Day and hears about this, they think it’s a lovely idea, and I do too. But I always forget how much work it is and how easily I get stressed out when something unexpected happens.

This year I was blindsided by nine (I counted them) eventualities that nearly put me over the edge–including the security alarm going off twice, no heat and a new thermostat without instructions, and a last-minute delivery of eight boxes of fresh food. Except for the ten minutes, I sat down to eat my meal–which was incredibly delicious–I was not able to relax and enjoy myself. It saddened me that I wasn’t the only one who went home exhausted and re-thinking how and why we do this.

So don’t believe me if I tell you Christmas was fine this year. We loved spending Christmas Eve with our daughter and her family, but Christmas day was a bust, and I didn’t sleep well that night.

On the Feast of Stephen (aka Boxing Day), Fred and I slept in. We read a story a friend wrote during Advent and talked about it on the way to an open house where I received much sympathy for what happened the day before. Afterwards, we strolled along the Fraser River. Then  Fred had a nap and I went back to the church to put a few things away. While I did, I had a good visit with a friend who’d had a difficult Christmas.

Back home, I got out a bottle of wine, lit the Advent and Christmas candles, put on Steve Bell’s Keening for the Dawn, and Fred and I sat down to reheated turkey dinner leftovers. The meal was just as delicious as it had been the day before.

And that’s how we celebrated our Saviour’s birth.

This is my little town,
My Bethlehem,
And here, if anywhere,
My Christ Child
Will be born.
— from “Housekeeper” by Elizabeth Rooney

* * *

Love Mischief for the World

If your Bethlehem is like mine, you’ve seen cold, wet folks with cardboard signs asking for help. A friend put me on to a great idea. Carry a few pairs of socks to give away. Tuck inside them anything you want: a soft granola bar, a favourite poem, a gift card, or chocolate. Then give them to people who need them. The next time you put on a fresh pair of socks, you’ll remember someone else who got to do the very same thing.

What love mischief are you and God doing to care for the world?
Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
“Dishes” by Chef Keen/Pixabay. Creative Commons.
“The Adoration of the Shepherds” by Lorenzo Lotto [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
“Typical Socks” by Jsm193 (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2017.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2017.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in Christmas, Reflections, Stories, Wednesday Lunch Club | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

The Word Became Flesh

Posted on December 24, 2017 by Esther Hizsa

Emmanuel

when Jesus came
he didn’t sneak in
through the back door
of poverty selling
magic tricks for
applause

no

Jesus came poor
entered every day
of every life
and never
left

The Word became flesh and blood,
    and moved into the neighbourhood.
We saw the glory with our own eyes,
    the one-of-a-kind glory,
    like Father, like Son,
Generous inside and out,
    true from start to finish.
-John 1:14 (The Message)

Credits and References:
“Emmanuel” by Esther Hizsa © 2014
“Nativity”  by violscraper. Used with permission.
“Star Walkers” by Paul Kline. (Banner not visible on home page). Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2017.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2017.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in Christmas, Poetry, Reflections | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Advent IV: Love

Posted on December 22, 2017 by Esther Hizsa

Our faith tells us that the infinite love that is the architect of our hearts has made our hearts in such a way that nothing less than an infinite love will put to rest the restless longings of our hearts. –James Finley

So this is where the restless longing of my heart is taking me: to say yes to infinite love. And that divine restlessness is continuously stirred as I witness a daily display of my own inability to do it. I’m worn down from trying to get myself out of all that entangles me. But the Incarnation tells me that God comes into my dark entanglements and is born in me there. God with us awakens us to God in us.

A hymn comes to mind.

O Love that will not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
That in thine ocean depths its flow
May richer, fuller be.

O Light that foll’west all my way,
I yield my flick’ring torch to thee;
My heart restores its borrowed ray,
That in thy sunshine’s blaze its day
May brighter, fairer be.

O Joy that seekest me through pain,
I cannot close my heart to thee;
I trace the rainbow through the rain,
And feel the promise is not vain,
That morn shall tearless be.

O Cross that liftest up my head,
I dare not ask to fly from thee;
I lay in dust life’s glory dead,
And from the ground there blossoms red
Life that shall endless be.
–George Matheson, pub.1882

I looked up the lyrics and learned what led Matheson to write this song. He writes,

“My hymn was composed in the manse of Innellan on the evening of the 6th of June, 1882. . . . Something happened to me, which was known only to myself, and which caused me the most severe mental suffering. The hymn was the fruit of that suffering. It was the quickest bit of work I ever did in my life. I had the impression rather of having it dictated to me by some inward voice than of working it out myself.”

Love comes in our suffering–when our souls are weary, our torch barely flickers, and life’s glory dead. Love comes and does not let us go. Love holds us in the dark night and makes it bright and fair–more lovely than the dawn, said John of the Cross.

In the longest nights of the year, may something happen to you that allows your soul to rest, opens your heart to Infinite Love, and lifts up your head.

Oh, night that guided me, 
Oh, night more lovely than the dawn,
Oh, night that joined Beloved with lover, 
Lover transformed in the Beloved!
–St. John of the Cross

 Some Advent Love Mischief:

  • What does your restless longing for Infinite Love look like?
  • When do you feel it most?
  • How might you welcome God in it?
Credits and References:
“Trevlig fjärde advent!” by Susanne Nilsson.Used with permission.
History of “O Love that Wilt Not Let Me Go” by George Matheson (1842-1906)
“The Nativity” 1890-1910 by Franz Mayer & Co (detail) photo by Plum leaves. Used with permission.
Quote from the poem “The Dark Night of the Soul” by St. John of the Cross, tr E. Allison Peers.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2017.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2017.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in Advent, Mystical, Reflections | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Advent III: Joy

Posted on December 15, 2017 by Esther Hizsa

This Advent I’ve been enjoying short films from The Work of the People that speak of this season of waiting. They invite me to be unravelled, to hold my cup of longing and not go around it, to welcome the stranger, and to make Advent traditions that help me welcome Christ into the reality of my life.

I just finished watching O Come, Emmanuel and, though it is sad, I’m filled with a quiet, satisfied joy. Every December I’ve felt alone and misunderstood while others get into the Christmas spirit and those who don’t are labelled grinchy or depressed. But now I discover there are many people out there like me in this season–not depressed or grinchy but feeling the ache of our need for God.

This ache comes unbidden. I notice it when there’s a flow I can’t enter into yet cannot escape. It rises from a myriad of experiences that leave me convinced that I’m not enough: not kind enough, patient enough, devoted enough, not you-name-it enough. When I was younger, I’d do whatever necessary to prove it wasn’t true. But not now. I’d rather just admit it: I’m not good enough and need God to ransom me.

I knew other people were irritated too by the thought of filling that deep ache with busyness and tinsel. I thought they were few and far between, but this year they’re coming out of the woodwork. They’re writing and singing about their unfulfilled longing, bringing it to spiritual direction, taking it on retreat or to the communion rail. When I see them, like Elizabeth, something inside me leaps for joy and, like Mary, I know I’m not alone in the waiting.

So I’m jumping into the flow of kindred pilgrims and naming the Advent traditions I’ve vicariously received.

This is our Christmas tree. Fred added the one decoration: a tiny lost mitten.  That says it all for me.

I’m not trying to resolve the tension between observing Advent and celebrating Christmas. I’ll attend parties and sing carols before Dec 25 and welcome the feelings evoked in the messiness and glory.

I want to slow down and take spacious days, like I did last Saturday, to allow God to name and settle my troubled soul or accompany me as I make preparations to celebrate Christ’s birth.

I’ll spend Christmas with the family and friends I’m given.

And I will give thanks for the company of my Christmas cactus still silently blooming.

Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel shall come to thee, O Israel.

Some Advent Love Mischief:

  • How are you being invited to live into your unfulfilled longings?
  • How is God walking with you as you hold the tension between waiting with a deep ache and preparing to celebrate the coming of Christ?
  • What joy has God surprised you with this Advent?
Credits and References:
“Trevlig tredje advent!” by Susanne Nilsson.Used with permission.
“H’s Christmas Tree” by Fred Hizsa. Used with permission.
Photo of the Schlumbergera (Christmas Cactus)[File:Cactus de noël rev.jpg|Cactus de noël rev] is from Wikipedia Commons.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2017.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2017.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in Advent, Reflections | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Advent II: Peace

Posted on December 12, 2017 by Esther Hizsa

I looked around the sanctuary artfully decorated for Christmas and remembered the woman who bought the stars that hung from the ceiling. I knew every person in the brass ensemble except. . . was that Simone all grown up?

I dropped off my chilli for the potluck dinner in the kitchen. It was bustling with people with no time to talk–people with whom I have served and prayed.

Every December New Life Community Church has a special evening to honour volunteers in their community ministries. Although I have not attended the church since my position as associate pastor ended at the end of 2014, I still volunteer weekly with the Wednesday Lunch Club, an outreach for those who are homeless or at risk of homelessness.

People seemed to be enjoying each other’s conversations, but mine never seemed to get much past, how have you been? I was relieved when it was time to go home.

The next day was beautiful and sunny. Mt.Lehman Winery was having a case lot sale, so Fred and I headed out to Abbotsford and got a couple of cases, filled our tank with gas, went for a walk by the Fraser River and had coffee in Fort Langley. In the leisurely day, Fred listened as I unpacked the previous evening and my discomfort in it.

“I’m glad we’re at St.Stephen’s and don’t feel conflicted about our decision to leave New Life,” I said at one point. Then at another, “I guess it’s just the feeling that I don’t belong there anymore and people’s lives are going on without us. That feels sad.”

Back home again, I was measuring cereal for my third double batch of Nuts and Bolts when it occurred to me that I was grieving a loss.

Knowing that settled me.

. . . darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters. –Genesis 1:2

Some Advent Love Mischief:

  • What is unsettling you these days?
  • How might the Holy Spirit be hovering over you and bringing you peace?
Credits and References:
“Trevlig 2:a advent!” by Susanne Nilsson.Used with permission.
“Hover” by Barry Stock. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2017.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2017.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in Advent, Reflections | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Advent I: Hope

Posted on December 8, 2017 by Esther Hizsa

Hope

God, you come
like the persistent widow
and knock on my door.
You keep knocking,
wearing me down with your pleas
until I do right.

You come
like the friend at midnight
calling me out of bed
to give my neighbour what they need.

You keep coming
like the good shepherd who
sees I want for nothing,
fills my cup to overflowing,
and tirelessly nudges,
“Wake up.”

I open one eye
and like
the unjust judge,
the put out neighbour,
the mindless sheep,
I do what you want.

You wait,
like the five wise virgins
with an endless supply of oil,
for both eyes to open.

Therefore, keep awake–for you do not know when the master of the house will come, in the evening, or at midnight, or at cockcrow, or at dawn, or else he may find you asleep when he comes suddenly. And what I say to you I say to all: Keep awake. –Mark 13:35-37

Some Advent Love Mischief:

  • What has God been nudging you to do that you don’t want to?
  • How is this nudge different from the other “shoulds” in your life?
  • What might you see this Advent when you open both eyes? What is God awakening you to?
Credits and References:
“The First Sunday of Advent” by Susanne Nilsson. Used with permission.
Luke 18:1-8, Luke 11, 5-8, Psalm 23, Matthew 25:1-13
“Ten Virgins 07” by Waiting For The Word. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2017.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2017.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in Advent, Poetry | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

New Coins in My Pocket

Posted on December 1, 2017 by Esther Hizsa

At some point, the desperate need to shout fell away as if it were a worthless coin. It’s not that I didn’t want to be heard or at times stay awake at night plotting how I might be heard. But one day I reached into my pocket and found new coins.

These coins gave me the freedom to choose to say nothing.  I pulled them out and examined them with awe. I could be misunderstood and do nothing.

I spent a coin whenever my inner teacher tugged my sleeve and said, “Let it go.”

I also discovered I could spend one when I wanted to be safe and be liked. But, my inner teacher would have none of that.

One afternoon, at a monthly gathering of my peers, I needed to be heard, not for my benefit but for theirs. As gently as I could, I spoke up and interrupted the process–more than once. My confidence could have been interpreted as arrogance and my persistence as pushy. But I found the coin that let me be misunderstood and spent it. I kept asking the questions my inner teacher fed me and hoped that God would do something with them.

God did and it was beautiful to behold.

I’ve been reading A Hidden Wholeness by Parker Palmer who encourages me to live an undivided life. He wrote, “The divided life is a wounded life, and the soul keeps calling us to heal the wound.” I’ve spent my life shouting to be heard and I’ve felt ashamed of it. But now I see that my soul was shouting to be healed.

When I was given a voice, I didn’t need to shout anymore. But choosing to be silent in order to be nice or accepted divides me from myself.

Parker Palmer says we all have an “inner teacher whose guidance is more reliable than anything we can get from a doctrine, ideology, collective belief system, or leader.” And my inner teacher is telling me: To live out of my hidden wholeness means saying what needs to be said even at the risk of being disliked or dismissed.

While I kept silence, my body wasted away
    through my groaning all day long.
–Psalm 32:3 (NRSV)

* * *

Love Mischief for the World

This Men’s Bible Study group from Mount Olivet Church in Plymouth in Minnesota are up to some great love mischief for the world. They used my blog post Autumn Leaves to explore the subjects of change, loss. insecurity and letting go. Thanks, guys, for listening to your souls and living out of your hidden wholeness.

What love mischief are you and God doing to care for the earth?
Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
Photo of man with coin by Thomas Leuthard (2008-2017). Used with permission.
“Coins” by Jeff Milner. Used with permission.
Quotes from A Hidden Wholeness by Parker Palmer, pg 20, 25.
Photo from Mount Olivet Lutheran Church in Plymouth, Minnesota by Ron Frehner. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2017.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2017.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in Reflections, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I Shouted

Posted on November 24, 2017 by Esther Hizsa


I sit by the roadside in Jericho begging. A crowd goes by and I ask, “What’s happening?”

They tell me, “Jesus of Nazareth is passing by.”

Without thinking, I shout, “Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!”

Those who are in front sternly order me to be quiet. Pinpricks of shame erupt like a rash all over my body. Desperation squeezes my soul. I shout even more loudly, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”

Jesus stops still. He orders his disciples to bring me to him.

Firm hands grasp my arms, and I am taken away from the shushing crowd.

I know it’s Jesus when I hear, “What do you want me to do for you?”

Still gripped on either side, not by the disciples now, but by hope on my left and fear on my right, I reply, “Lord, I want to be heard.”

“Receive your voice; your faith has saved you.” He steps closer and waits.

Immediately I regain my voice. I tell him how painful it is to be misunderstood, judged and dismissed. When my only words are tears, he holds me and weeps too.

Then he steps back. My throat throbs as I prepare for his parting and my returning to a beggar’s life.

But Jesus doesn’t say goodbye. He takes my hand and introduces me to his friends.

I follow him, glorifying God. And all the people praise God.

Because he inclined his ear to me,
    therefore I will call on him as long as I live.
–Psalm 116:2 (NRSV)

* * *

Love Mischief for the World

Refood’s love mischief for the world means less organic waste in landfills and more healthy food getting to those who can’t afford it. “Refood is a Canadian social enterprise which converts excess or defected produce of local vendors into healthy lunches for homeless people and elementary school students,” says Refood.

Here’s how they do it.

STEP ONE: We pick up excess produce from local grocery stores, farms, restaurants.

STEP TWO: Our experienced chefs cook healthy food.

STEP THREE: We distribute the food to local shelters and schools.

 

What love mischief are you and God doing to care for the world?
Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
Luke 18:35-43, Psalm 116:2
Close-up of Eric Gill relief, Moorfields Eye Hospital The words here,’Domine, ut videam’ (Lord, that I may see!), comprised the answer, according to the Gospel of Mark, to Jesus’s question to the blind beggar Bartimaeus who called out to him in Jericho by Ceridwen [CC BY-SA 2.0 (https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0)], via Wikimedia Commons
“Christ and Apostles” by Georges Rouault, 1871-1958
“Healthy Food Box” Creative Commons.
Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2017.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2017.  http://www.estherhizsa.com 
Posted in Ignatian Spirituality, Praying with the Imagination, Reflections | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

The Last Word

Posted on November 17, 2017 by Esther Hizsa

I told my spiritual director about a recent experience of feeling like a bull in a china shop.

In situations like this, I’m reminded of the Nissan Bluebird we briefly owned. Two decades ago when our family was sailing around the world in Tieras, we had a five-month layover in New Zealand. Car rentals were expensive and used cars cheap. So we bought an old Bluebird. It ran, barely. Fred tinkered with it to increase its reliability. He gave it a tune up and replaced parts. It ran well–for a few months, and then it stopped dead. Literally. The worn bearings couldn’t handle the pressure coming from a more efficient engine.

That Bluebird doggedly warns me from its grave: Don’t let your idealistic enthusiasm put too much pressure on a worn down system. I’ve held this caution as a reminder to be sensitive to others. I’ve also held it as a fear that I could do irreparable damage and that would be terrible.

In the spiritual direction session, I brought to Jesus the fear that I ‘d done a terrible thing. I kept hoping he would validate my actions born of conviction or correct me if I’d gone too far. But Jesus did neither.

“This is hard,” he said with his gentle hand on my shoulder.

As I continued to picture him in the room where the “terrible thing” happened, I saw him standing beside each person there, comforting and transforming them. He reassured me that my words would not be the last ones spoken.

A few days later at a silent retreat, I read the quote by Johnny Sears that was in last week’s post. Here it is again.

On the other side of insecurity lies deeper trust in the goodness of life and the love of God.

Jesus was asking me to trust his goodness.

Then he gave me four more opportunities to do it.

Four?!

In the space of a week, just by being me, I caused stress in other people’s lives–different people, different contexts, with no validation or correction given by God. But I did hear God’s still small voice inviting me to notice the good work being done in the stress I caused.

So far, three of the four situations have happy endings. The fourth might fall apart. I feel anxious thinking that I would be partially responsible for its demise. There’d be disappointment and “if onlys.”

But when I lean into a deeper trust, I know that God will have the last word, and it will be a good one.

You don’t have to wait for the End. I am, right now, Resurrection and Life.
–John 11:25 (MSG)

* * *

Love Mischief for the World

Here’s some love mischief from The Coffin Club in New Zealand.

What love mischief are you and God doing to care for the world?
Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
1985-86 Nissan Bluebird By OSX (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons
C33 Nissan Laurel RD by JChubby Creative Commons
Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2017.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2017.  http://www.estherhizsa.com 
Posted in Reflections, Spiritual Direction, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments