As soon as the participants started arriving
at the retreat centre
I noticed something
in me
elbowed to the front
and shoved my self aside.

She wanted a hug from everyone
and pouted when she didn’t get it.
At the dinner table,
she told her stories
instead of inviting others to tell theirs.
In the opening session,
as I shared poetry, a song, and insights,
she looked for the nods and smiles
that told her she was significant,
she belonged.

Oh brother, I sighed,
when I went to bed that night.
Am I going to be like this all weekend?
I want to be present to these dear people
and not be so self-preoccupied,
so needy.

I closed the blinds
and turned off the lights
feeling disappointed
with myself.

That’s when God spoke up for my self:
That isn’t you.
It’s a part of you
that’s very young.

Tenderness came forward then
followed by compassion
and kindness,
and I found my self
present
to this dear child.
and able to give her
the assurance she longed for.

As a mother comforts her child,
so will I comfort you;
–Isaiah 66:13 (NIV)

* * *

Eastertide Reflection 4

Singleness/ wholeness /oneness was the fourth posture that Heather Ruce invited us to consider. In this posture, the two parts of ourselves–human and divine, the ordinary and the spiritual–are integrated and at peace. All parts of ourselves are welcomed home and belong. Standing in this reality, we become more balanced, integrated, and unified in God. We are one in God, and we don’t lose the particularity of our being. In this place, we are oxygen for the embers of holy passion in ourselves and others. In this posture, I picture myself as a tree again with roots intermingled in God’s mycelial network and with leaves giving off oxygen to green up the world.  

Credits and References:
“What’s Up?” and “Vervet Monkey” by Michael Levine-Clark. Used with permission.
“Notice Me” by Esther Hizsa, 2023
Female Vervet Monkeys with Young by Bernard DUPONT  Used with permission.
Image of tree by Gordon Johnson on Pixabay. Creative Commons.

© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2023.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2023.  http://www.estherhizsa.com