The Unholy Three

Fear is a powerful ally.
It curbs my behaviour, motivates me, and keeps me safe.
Would I be as nice if I didn’t fear judgment?
Would I prepare and work so hard if I didn’t fear failure?
Would I watch what I eat and do my yoga if I didn’t fear disease and death?

Anxiety is at the ready.
“What did you miss?”
“Remember the panic you felt when you discovered too late what you forgot?
You don’t want that to happen again.”
Anxiety gives me the energy to pay attention and push through.
Anxiety has made me very successful.

A third support is my inner critic.
She keeps me on my toes and has my back.
She never overlooks a mistake, a selfish thought, or a hurtful word
and brings them to my attention before anyone else does.
She knows how painful it is for me to hear stuff like that.

The unholy three have served me faithfully for six decades.
But they are not kind,
nor are they compassionate.
They rob me of sleep and peace
and alienate me from others.

The unholy three are very good at helping me
become someone good, useful, and significant.
But that “someone” they have in mind isn’t me,
and, quite frankly, it’s exhausting.

But when I sit with you, my Beloved Three,
and sink into your tender care,
I feel myself let go.
These “friends” let go of me,
and I begin to notice
how You provide time to rest,
how You give me the words I need and lead the way,
how You’re always at my side,
catching what I missed
or opening a new way forward,
how You never ever make me feel
less than.

You invite me to relax and trust
that the Holy Three
will keep me safe,
give me what I need,
and transform me with loving-kindness.

What I’m trying to do here is get you to relax, not be so preoccupied with getting so you can respond to God’s giving. People who don’t know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep yourself in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Don’t be afraid of missing out. You’re my dearest friends! The Father wants to give you the very kingdom itself.— Luke 12:29-32 (MSG)

* * *

Eastertide Reflection 3

The third contemplative posture invites us to name what we need and wield it. “Wield” was the word Heather Ruce used. It reminds me of the superheroes in the Marvel movies I watch with my grandkids. A Google search of images for “wield” leads me to illustrations of violent power. But the Holy Three invite me to wield love. God asks me to exercise power, authority or influence by bringing into a room what I most need most: trust, loving-kindness, and compassion. Love asks me to use who I am to bring freedom and healing to the world. The question I ask myself is: What do I most need that I am also asked to wield? 

Credits and References:
Sparrows from PXFuel. Creative Commons.
“The Unholy Three” by Esther Hizsa, 2023
Rublev Trinity by Jim Forest. Used with permission.
Super Hero image from Pixabay. Creative Commons. 

© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2023.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2023.

About Esther Hizsa

Esther is a spiritual director and writer. She lives in Burnaby with her husband, Fred, and they have two grown children and two grandchildren.
This entry was posted in ADHD, compassion, Easter, Mindfulness, Poetry, Reflections and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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