Loosening My Grip

I’ve been walking with the image of the dead leaf dancing in the wind.  With each step I hear, Peace before me. Peace behind me. Peace under my feet. 

I see a missed a call on my cell phone and feel a wave of panic. This could be bad news. But I have a directee coming soon and decide not to return the call. If I did, I could get embroiled in politics and then I’d find it difficult to stay present to my directee.

I sit in the chair where I offer spiritual direction and breathe as scenarios play out in my mind.

Peace before me. Peace behind me. Peace under my feet. 

God invites me to let go and trust.

After my directee leaves, I go online to send a quick email and see one from the person who called. Without opening the email, I see why they called: they want my advice on what to give someone for a gift. Whew!

Later, as I reflect on what happened, I realize how attached I am to a certain thing going a certain way and how helpless I am to ensure that it does. I didn’t lose what I feared I might, but that’s no guarantee I won’t in the future.

Can I hold what I love a little more loosely? Can I trust that even if the worst case scenario plays out, it will not be the end of the story?

Again I imagine the worst case scenario, but I don’t stop there. I also imagine how life might rise from the ashes. I feel my body relax, my grip loosen.

Christ before me. Christ behind me. Christ under my feet.

Those who try to make their life secure will lose it,
but those who lose their life will keep it.
–Luke 17:33 (NRSV)

* * *

Reflection questions for your Lenten pilgrimage:

  • What phone call would disturb your peace?
  • What would it be like to let go of life as you’d like it to be and trust God in life as it is?
  • What image, word or experience is God offering you today that helps you loosen your grip on life?
Credits and References:
“Walking in leaves” photo from Pixabay in Creative Commons.
“‘Just right!’ she sighed.” by Steve Corey. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2018.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows:
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2018.  http://www.estherhizsa.com


About Esther Hizsa

Esther is a spiritual director and writer. She lives in Burnaby with her husband, Fred, and they have two grown children and two grandchildren.
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