At the End of My Rope

I was doing well for a while, then I gained back the weight I lost.

Paul’s words in Romans come to mind.

 I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.

It happens so regularly that it’s predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God’s commands, but it’s pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.

I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question?

The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does.
–Romans 7: 18-25 (The Message)

So here I am again, Lord, I pray.  I’m at the end of my rope. Save me. Free me to do what I most deeply desire.

I wonder if I’ll ever be freed from my addiction to food or if I’ll ever be a healthier weight. Every time I see myself in the mirror, I don’t like seeing what I’ve done to my body. I feel ashamed, powerless and discouraged. It’s hard to keep trying and risk failing again.

And you, Jesus. You’re not letting me off the hook. But you’re not getting me off the hook either.

Every scripture I read lately holds a promise that you can, you will, you are saving me.

Help me believe it.

For I am the Lord your God
    who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
    I will help you.
–Isaiah 41:13

* * *

Love Mischief for the World

Judging by the number of cars in the church parking lot when AA is on,  I’m guessing that a lot of love mischief happens there. “Alcoholics Anonymous is an international fellowship of men and women who have had a drinking problem. It is nonprofessional, self-supporting, multiracial, apolitical, and available almost everywhere. There are no age or education requirements. Membership is open to anyone who wants to do something about his or her drinking problem.”–

What love mischief are you and God doing to care for the world?
Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
Climbing photo by Adventure Jay.
“Hold On” by just.Luc. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2018.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows:
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2018.

About Esther Hizsa

Esther is a spiritual director and writer. She lives in Burnaby with her husband, Fred, and they have two grown children and two grandchildren.
This entry was posted in Overeating, Poverty of Spirit, Reflections and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to At the End of My Rope

  1. geofstruthers says:

    Hi Esther  As you may recall, I attend AA (32 years sober). There is an abundance of Gods love there and it often shows itself in hilarious ways through tragic situations. We fall so often and so short of where we could be. But it is the love of our Creator that allows us to get back up and take stock of ourselves and try again. And I believe God admires his love in us with such a huge smile like a proud papa. Bless You

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dave Small says:

    Thank you for sharing Esther.


  3. Angela Elliott says:

    Thank you for putting into such eloquent words what my struggle is. It helps to know I am not alone.


  4. Pingback: All of Me | An Everyday Pilgrim

  5. geofstruthers says:

    Hi AlisonMy apoligy for taking so long to respond but I really needed to tbink about how I wanted to reply. I am quite disapointed that as a “vibrant authentic ” church that I would need to be coached and censored. Street people have heard the cute little “christian” story of baby Jesus all there life and yet here they are struggling to live. They don’t need to hear it again wrapped in a pair of socks. People need to hear that God loves them in whatever mess we are in.That being said I don’t feel I’m the right person to deliver a message that is so far from my heart as it so misunderstood in todays culture. 


  6. Esther Hizsa says:

    Hi Geoff,
    Thanks for responding. I’m not sure I follow what you’re saying or who Alison is. I don’t understand the reference to “vibrant authentic” church or what caused you to feel coached or censored. It also sounds like you might be referring to a different post (perhaps the next one where I offered a homeless fellow a pair of socks and bought him supper) but I still don’t follow. Perhaps it would be better to have a private conversation? You can contact me at
    Grace and peace to you,


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