Not Again?!

Posted on January 10, 2014 by Esther Hizsa

I went for a walk with a friend the other day. After we greeted each other with a hug, she did what she always does: clips a microphone on my collar. This silver bullet-shaped microphone transmits my voice to her hearing aids so she can hear me while we walk.

characters-professor-calculus-kneelingWe soon became engrossed in our conversation. When we neared the end of our walk I noticed the microphone was gone. We prayed and retraced our steps looking for it. We even asked sympathetic passers-by to keep an eye out for it. Finally we gave up and said goodbye.

Before getting into the car to go home, I unfastened the coat I had tied around my waist when I got overheated. That’s when I found the microphone still clipped to my coat collar. It had been there the whole time! 

At this point you might expect me to mention how God is always with us, even when we are unaware of him. Or talk about the importance of mindfulness. But really, considering my age, I’d rather just laugh about it. I’m getting as absent-minded as Professor Calculus. In situations like these, I find myself echoing my grandson. One of his favourite lines–said with a laughing groan–is “Not again?!”

We have to laugh at ourselves sometimes, and I rarely find myself short of material.zazzle mug

The other day I was racing out the door to Scrabble night with the girls when I remembered my cell phone needed charging. I grabbed the cord and intended to recharge my phone while we played.

I didn’t think of it again until I got home and couldn’t find the cord. I looked for it in my backpack and my coat pockets three times with no luck. I e-mailed my friends; they hadn’t seen it either. The next morning I checked the most likely places again and even looked in a coat pocket that I rarely use. As I did I felt something hard in the sleeve: the plug. Ha! The night before, I had the cord in my hand when I put on my jacket. The cord was still dangling in my sleeve!

When I told my friends what happened, they had a good laugh. And I hope you do too.

Please, tell me I’m not alone. Send me your absent-minded-not-again story by e-mail or in “comment” so we can all laugh together.

BTW when Fred sees this post he’s going to want to give me one of those mugs. Or maybe he already has…  Not again?!

Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.”
– 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NLT)

Images used:
Image of Professor Calculus http://us.tintin.com/meet-the-characters/professor-calculus/
Image of Professor Calculus from Tin Tin on banner in single post: http://www.brusselspictures.com/wp-content/photos/tintin-stockel-metro-mural/Professor%20Calculus.jpg
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2014.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Humour, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Free as a Bird

Posted on January 3, 2014 by Esther Hizsa

birds cropped AYFinally it’s January. The New Year brings me closer to spring and the possibility of more emotional energy. Dark December is always the hardest month for me. I keep praying that God will increase my desire for him, but other desires trap me and I feel somewhat numb and lost.

I gripe at God. “Just tell me what you want me to do to get out of this place.”

I think of people I know who struggle with long-term illnesses. They too long to be free as a bird–as free as the swallow that my son-in-law, Jeremy, saw while he was in hospital for the nth time because of Crohn’s disease.  His song Swallow is about that desire to be free. Click on the album cover for the link to listen to it. Here are the lyrics:

Swallow
by Jeremy Braacx

Geometric ShapesSwallow,
fly to your home
in the wall of the hospital.
I am stuck here inside,
and you may be,
but I’m not free at all.

My dance partner has been
this intravenous pole.
I am tired of the spin;
I am so tired of spinning her. 

Swallow,
fly to your home
in the wall of the hospital.
I am stuck here inside,
and you may be,
but I’m not free at all.

My mind’s been going whirr-tick-tick
to the sound of my IV pump.
I have been so tired and sick,
so sick and tired of thinking about–

Swallow,
fly to your home
in the wall of the hospital.
I am stuck here inside,
and you may be,
but I’m not free at all.         

     Swallow, fly into my chest.
     Make a nest; build a home.

     Swallow, fly into my chest.
     Make a nest; fill the hole
     in my soul. 

I heard of one who can raise the dead.
Transform the view from my hospital bed.

In the silence as I wait on God and think of Jeremy’s song, a deeper desire rises. The Cloud of Unknowing describes it as “a naked intent toward God in the depths of my being.” Its flame fills my chest with a sharp longing–not to flee this hole in my soul–but to fill it with God and his “unending miracle of love.”

Words come from a softer place in me now. “Lord, deepen my love for you.”

I find God’s reply in the wise words of the fourteenth century mystic who wrote The Cloud of Unknowing: “Though this loving desire is certainly God’s gift, it is up to you to nurture it… fix your love on him… Close the doors and windows of your spirit against the onslaught of pests and foes and prayerfully seek his strength; for if you do so, he will keep you safe from them. Press on then… Our Lord is always ready. He awaits only your co-operation.”

birds AY

 

O Holy Spirit,
fly into my chest,
build a nest,
make a home
in my soul.

Help me press on.
Close the door of my heart
to all competing desires
so I do not love anything
more than you.
Amen

 

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Credits:
Photo by Anne Yungwirth. Used by permission.
Swallow: Music and Lyrics by Jeremy Braacx 2011. Used by permission.
Album Cover of Geometric Shapes: View from My Hospital Bed by Rick Vugteveen
Excerpts from The Cloud of Unknowing, 14th C. anonymous English author, © William Johnston, 1973.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2014
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013, 2014  http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Poverty of Spirit, Prayer, Songs | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What If Mary Had Said, “No”?

Posted on December 27, 2013 by Esther Hizsa

Annunciation Nicolas PoussinThe angel Gabriel appeared to Mary and told her she had found favour with God and was going to give birth to God’s son. Mary wondered how this could possibly be true since she was a virgin but responded with the words, “I am the Lord’s servant, may it be to me as you have said.”

Her immortal “Yes” has been painted, written about, and celebrated ever since. But what if Mary had said, “No.” What if, in that moment, she pulled the plug on the most beautiful aria in history. Imagine the pained look on Gabriel’s face if he had to tell the hosts of heaven to pack up shop. Would that have been the end of the story or would they have hastily gone looking for another young woman to take Mary’s place?

But Gabriel did not come to ask Mary if she wanted to bear the Son of God. He simply announced what would happen: the Holy Spirit would come upon her, the power of the Most High overshadow her, and the One born to her would be called Jesus.

It seems to me that if Mary didn’t want to hear Gabriel’s news and told him to go away, she still would have gotten pregnant and given birth to our Lord. But Jesus would have been born to a mother who didn’t want him, didn’t love him, and would not have encouraged him to be himself. He would have grown up to do all that God asked him to, while bearing the sorrow of being rejected by his own mother. Isaiah 49:15 would have become prophetic: “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion for the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you.”

If Mary had interpreted Gabriel’s message as a burden foisted upon her, she would have gone down in history as the woman who missed the opportunity to enjoy mothering the Saviour of the world.

Mary’s story pierces our hearts because we too have been presented with a great opportunity. Whether we choose it or not, we have been overshadowed by the Holy Spirit who finds one way or another to be born in us. Everything in life has the potential of opening us to God. And God uses these things to enter the core of our being, so God can love us and be loved by us. The Holy One comes to us… whether or not we see it.

The question is not: will I allow God’s kingdom to come—for it most surely will—but, will I, like Mary, believe I have found favour in his sight? Will I praise God for his coming to me?

Caravaggio Adoration of the Shepherds


How silently, how silently,
the wondrous Gift is given!
So God imparts to human hearts
the blessings of His heaven.
No ear may hear His coming,
but in this world of sin,
where meek souls will receive Him still,
the dear Christ enters in.
– O Little Town of Bethlehem

 

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Images:
Annunciation by Nicolas Poussin, 1653
Adoration of the Shepherds by Caravaggio, 1609
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
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A Problem of Orientation and Proximity

Posted on December 24, 2013 by Esther Hizsa

Govert_Flinck_-_Angels_Announcing_the_Birth_of_Christ_to_the_Shepherds_-_WGA07928

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”
     Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
     “Glory to God in the highest heaven,
    and on earth peace to those on whom his favour rests.”
     When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, “Let’s go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.” – Luke 2:8-15

Today we celebrate good news of great joy that is for all people: God himself has come to earth to save us. But what has he come to save us from? The very thing that has robbed us of life: sin. The angels’ announcement was good news for all people because all of us have sinned and fallen short of what God intended for us.

During the Advent season, as the days got shorter and the nights longer,  I became acutely aware of the painful effects of sin–mine and everyone else’s. I suspected the Holy Spirit was getting me ready to receive the One who came to address it.

When I have been sinned against, I welcome such a saviour. I am glad Jesus has come to validate the injustice I have suffered. I want him to defend me and address those who have wronged me.

But what happens when I’m the sinner? The news that Jesus has come to address my sin does not sound good, nor does it fill me with great joy. No one likes to be found guilty. The angels knew that, yet they beckoned us all to rejoice. They wanted everyone to celebrate because Jesus did not come to condemn and reject us, but to inform and return us to God. For what is sin but a turning away from God and his love?

All of us have at one time or another turned away from God–the only one who can meet our deepest needs–and tried to get what we want from others. But they were not designed to meet all our needs. And so, on some level, they felt violated because, in fact, they have been. They have been sinned against.

The Old Testament prophets, seeing the harmful results of sin, told people to turn from their ways and stop sinning. They named the people’s wrongs and implored them to do what is right. When I read these passages I feel convicted. I know they are speaking to me about my sin too. But I often miss the word “turn” and skip right to “stop.” I feel ashamed of my sin so I try not to do it again. I may be successful for a time. But using determination alone to deal with sin is as about effective as taking an analgesic to heal a broken bone. It may kill the pain, but it won’t fix the problem.

I have come to realize that sin indicates a problem of orientation and proximity. When I turn away from God and move away from him to seek security, significance, and empowerment from others, I will inevitably leave a trail of suffering and anger.

God’s solution to all this violence was to send Jesus to redirect us to himself. When I turn toward Jesus, his light reveals the goodness of God. I am drawn closer and experience God’s loving attentiveness, faithfulness, power, and provision. God invites me to ask him for what I need and, as I wait on him to provide it, I become rightly related to others.

 “Come and follow me,” Jesus said to his disciples. When they weren’t sure they could trust him, he said, “Come and you will see.” When they got confused and lost their way, he found them–crying in the garden, disappointed on the road, guilty by the shore–and led them back to God.

On Christmas we celebrate the good news that God has come to save us. Jesus–laid in a manger, nailed to a cross, risen to life–did what it took to reorient us and bring us home.

And that is good news indeed.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Image: Angels Announcing the Birth of Christ to the Shepherds by Govert Flinck. 1615-1660.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
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Our Darkest Hour

Posted on December 20, 2013 by Esther Hizsa

awesome full moon rick smothermanTomorrow is the first day of summer in the southern hemisphere. But for those of us on the other side of the world, winter begins with the longest night of the year.  Advent comes to a climax in our darkest hour.

I began the Advent season with a confidence that has been repeatedly derailed. (I must confess I haven’t yet said “yes” in capital letters to anyone that asked me if I’m ready for Christmas.) I was ready for moments of wonder and joy–and they have come–but I have also been tripped by feelings of inadequacy and tempted to just “get through it.” I look around and see others struggling to keep their heads above water too. These dark days make me increasingly aware of how broken we all are and how desperately we need God.

Desperation prepares our hearts like nothing else.

Two weeks ago I was having a bowl of soup with “Tom” who has been homeless since spring. Before I could sit down he wanted a hug. In the three years I’ve known this man, he’s never asked me for a hug.

“I was arrested,” he said, “for no good reason. The cops held me for twelve hours.  When I asked for my stuff back they said they were keeping it… for evidence.”

“What?!”

“They took everything I owned. I managed to get another backpack and sleeping bag from Progressive Housing and someone gave me these pants, but they were made for a f***ing midget.”

He finished his soup and left before I could find words to comfort him.

In a staff meeting that afternoon we prayed for Tom, but I kept imagining him irritated by Christmas carols, frustrated with an empty-handed God.

Tom returned the following Wednesday.  “Look at me,” he said grinning and showing off his fur-lined coat.

“What happened?”

“Things went from bad to worse and I didn’t know what to do. I had nothing. Finally I cried out to God, ‘I need clothes. And I know you can provide them.’ Within five minutes I found this! I’m not kidding, five minutes later I received this coat and these clothes.” He held open his coat so I could see his new shirt, jeans and shoes.

Öèôðîâàÿ ðåïðîäóêöèÿ íàõîäèòñÿ â èíòåðíåò-ìóçåå Gallerix.ruHe went on. “I never believed God loved me, but I now know it. I know he loves me,” he said and began to weep. “These are not tears of sadness, but tears of joy. I’m the prodigal son come home. God put a robe around me and shoes on my feet.”

Tom wrapped his fingers around the soft fur with the same wonder Mary felt as she caressed her newborn son and Saviour.

The true light, that gives light to all people, has come into our world. It shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.

Mary said:
“My soul glorifies the Lord
     and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,
   for he has been mindful
    of the humble state of his servant.
From now on all generations will call me blessed,
    for the Mighty One has done great things for me—
    holy is his name…”
-Luke 1:46b-49

Images: Awesome Full Moon by Rick Smotherman, used with permission.
The Return of the Prodigal Son, Pompeo Batoni, 1773,
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Advent, Homelessness, Poverty of Spirit, Stories, Wednesday Lunch Club | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Incarnation: Some Assembly Required

Posted on December 13, 2013 by Esther Hizsa

Georges Rouault

Incarnation: Some Assembly Required

I open my door
to welcome all that You are
and
PUT everyone comes in

anxious
thoughtful
joyous
distraught
expectant
ANGRY
PUT (with compassion crushing
PUT blame baring
PUT vulnerability)
lost

God unassembled

I feel
Your need
to be
PUT us

Ademaro Bardelli 1934 Italy*

The Word became flesh and blood,
and moved into the neighbourhood.
– John 1:14 (The Message)

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Credits:
“Christ and Apostles” by Georges Rouault, 1871-1958
Ademaro Bardelli, 1934
“Incarnation: Some Assembly Required”  by Esther Hizsa, 2013.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2013.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Advent, Poetry, Poverty of Spirit, Prayer | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

A Mysterious Place of Meeting

Posted on December 6, 2013 by Esther Hizsa

file0001561384333I spent three days on Bowen Island walking, praying, and watching the seagulls.  I noticed that when one or two birds landed on the calm sea others followed. God seemed to be telling me that as I rest in him, others will be drawn to his rest as well.

I loved this peaceful, attractive image and carried it home.

On the ferry ride back every noise sounded amplified. The ship’s horn signalled the return of Real Life. I joined the queue and disembarked into a sea of tense faces, deadlines, e-mails, phone messages, disappointments, and complications.

Seagulls by o0o0xmods0o0o

The next two days offer no solitude. I notice that I am irritable and judgmental. People squawk and fly off.

Two o’clock in the morning, I’m awake. Tired of tossing and turning, I get up and try to pray and write this mood out of me. My own words land, flick cold wet thoughts:

I am ready to welcome and receive…
    all of who you are
    and all of who I am.

No, I’m not. I don’t like all of who I am. I don’t like being irritable or unkind. I want to be that gentle bird floating peacefully, attractively.

A wise person told me that our weaknesses endear us to God.

He quoted Johannes B. Metz. “Only through poverty of spirit do we draw near to God; only through it does God draw near to us. Poverty of spirit is the meeting point of heaven and earth, the mysterious place where God and we encounter each other.”

When I first heard that quote, I couldn’t quite picture “poverty of spirit.” Now I not only see it, I feel its salty chill.

Sometimes I have the grace to be still and, out of God’s silence, say the words that draw others to God.

And sometimes I’m just another scrappy gull in a restless flock.

But the Spirit reminds me that God loves all of who I am. Jesus not only meets me in my contented stillness but mysteriously descends into my soul’s stable and makes his home there.

2-Nativity

Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
— Matthew 5:3

Images:
Seagull by dieraecherin. Used with permission.
Seagulls by o0o0xmods0o0o. Used with permission.
Nativity by He Qi
The “wise person” is Rob Des Cotes.
Johannes B. Metz, Poverty of Spirit, 1968
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Advent, Easter, Poverty of Spirit, Rob Des Cotes, Stories | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Getting (Sort of) Ready to Celebrate Christ’s Birth

Posted on November 29, 2013 by Esther Hizsa

the-nativity-by-gerard-van-honthorst1In two days Advent begins and with it comes that stress-inducing question: Are you ready for Christmas? Those words produce a flurry of images—shopping, decorating, baking, Christmas cards, and list making—that sends chills of expectations through my soul. I’m overwhelmed before I begin. How will I ever do it all?

So I’ve decided that when anyone asks me that question, no matter what I’ve done or haven’t done, I’m going to say “YES!” Because I am ready to celebrate Christ’s birth.

An Advent Prayer

Jesus, I am ready. 

I am ready to meet you daily…
      reflect on your birth,
      and notice how your story impacts mine.

 I am ready to be silent…
     and let myself adore you. 

I am ready to wonder.
     How would you like to be celebrated?
     What gifts shall we give?

I am ready to let go…
     of things on my list that aren’t on yours.

I am ready to gather with others…
      to sing, worship, and celebrate. 

I am ready to welcome and receive…
    all of who you are
    and all of who I am.

 And that means…

I am ready to do all these things
     the only way I can—
    imperfectly and inconsistently. 

Come thou long-expected Jesus.
Come now.
Don’t wait until I’m ready. 

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Looking for some new reflective readings for Advent?

Magi Complete KellyPopcorn with a Spoon will be posting daily Advent readings called Face to Face. It is a compilation of family friendly (but not dumbed down) reflections written by six women from New Life Community Church in Burnaby, B.C., Canada: Kelly Dycavinu, Esther Hizsa, Susan Horikiri, Tanya Eichler, Kathy Krahn, and Linda Smythe.

If you would like to download the booklet here.

Godspace advent imageGodspace will be posting reflections under the theme Coming Home: Uncovering our Roots in the Advent Story. Contributors are from around the world—Australia, South Africa, Britain, U.S. and Canada—so will share a great array of perspectives that will be both thought-provoking and enriching. Periodically they will also add music, prayers and liturgies. You will also be able to access it on Facebook.

I have contributed guest posts on both blogs (Godspace: Monday Dec 2; Popcorn with a Spoon: the first one will be on Friday Dec 6). I will let you know when my other reflections are published.

Credits:
“The Nativity” by Gerard van Honthorst 1592–1656
“An Advent Prayer” by Esther Hizsa, 2013.
“Magi” by Kelly Dycavinu. Used by permission © Kelly Dycavinu and Popcorn with a Spoon, 2011-2013.
“Advent Prayer Garden” by Christine Sine Used by permission © Christine Sine and Godspace, 2013
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2013.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Advent, Christmas, Poetry, Popular Posts, Poverty of Spirit, Prayer | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

I’m Thinking of Ordering One of These

Posted on November 25, 2013 by Esther Hizsa

Brene Brown vulnerability hangover

Brene Brown photoBrené Brown posted this on her FB page on Nov 8, 2013: “I found the perfect image for ‘the vulnerability hangover’ – you know that feeling when you share too much and the next hour/day/week you feel like you’re wearing the emotional lampshade? I hate that feeling.”

The adjective used most often to describe my writing has been vulnerable. And so far I’m feeling okay about what I’ve shared. But I’m thinking about ordering one of these lampshades…  just in case.

Brené Brown is a research professor at The University of Houston. She has spent the past ten years studying vulnerability, courage, shame, and authenticity. www.brenebrown.comwww.ordinarycourage.com @brenebrown

© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
Posted in Humour | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

Feeding a Fragile Desire

Posted on November 22, 2013 by Esther Hizsa

Kindness 2 by veres

I guess it’s time, I thought as I biked along. And in my spirit I knew I was ready to face my shame about overeating.

I meet with Karen, my spiritual director, regularly. The sacred space we share allows me to get a sense of what God is doing in my life. Over the years I talked with her about a number of things. But the one topic I managed to avoid until now was my attachment to food.

“I know I shouldn’t eat so much, but when it comes right down to it, I like eating. It’s pleasurable and gives me comfort. Relaxing with a snack and a book is my reward for a hard day’s work,” I told Karen. “But I’m gaining weight and my clothes don’t fit. My cholesterol is too high and the doctor said weight is a factor. And, it may sound silly, but to me overeating is unethical. Why should I eat more than what I need? I have all these good reasons not to overeat, but it doesn’t stop me from doing it.”

“What do you long for?” Karen asked.

“I want to be freed from this compulsion. I know it doesn’t glorify God, but that doesn’t seem to matter. I just turn my back on God and eat anyway.” Tears came as I spoke. “Every time I overeat I feel my heart hardening. I wish I had a softer heart.”

“Is there an image that would represent that desire for a soft heart?”

I closed my eyes and waited. After a while I opened them and said, “I can’t picture the desire. All I know is that it is fragile and Jesus is holding it with me.”

“A fragile desire that Jesus is holding with you,” she said and nodded. “How does that feel to you?”

“I like that Jesus is with me. That I am not alone in the struggle.  It reminds me of the quote by Richard Rohr, ‘God looks for the places in us that are trying to say yes.'”

I was about to grasp onto hope, when it dissipated. I teared up again. “These are all nice thoughts, but my desire for food is so much bigger than my desire for God. I am afraid it will be crushed.”

“Is there a prayer you could pray for this fragile desire?”

Then I saw it. Not right away. First the words came, then the image. I pictured Jesus holding a baby bird in our open hands. It was cheeping away, wanting to be fed. That vulnerable little bird represented my desire to love God more than anything else.

“I could ask God to feed my desire for him so it grows bigger than any other,” I said.

Karen smiled with wonder.

“Every morning when I pray ‘I open my heart to you,’ I can picture that little bird in our open hands and ask God to increase my desire for him,” I said with renewed hope.

I could do that.

As I rode my bike home from Karen’s, I asked God to increase my fragile desire. Many times a day I ask this and, as I do, I know God is feeding that hungry desire and filling my heart with love.

… for we know how dearly God loves us, and we feel this warm love everywhere within us because God has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.--Romans 5:5b TLB.

Credits & References:
Bird in hand veres. Used with permission.
Birds on Wire (visible as single post) Julie Falk Used with permission.
Quote by Richard Rohr is in Everything Belongs.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013 http://www.estherhizsa.wordpress.com.
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