For days after I heard how my words wounded another, self-judgment hounded me, accusing me of being a bad, unsafe person. I felt shrouded in shame until God found me through a Lenten reflection on labyrinths with the themes: release, receive and return.
I imagined myself walking the labyrinth. I paused at the centre and entered the tomb with Jesus. There, I released the expectation that I would learn from my mistakes and stop hurting or offending people.
It was a painful death, letting go of the hope that I could leave that dark part of me behind. As I mentally walked out of the labyrinth, I pondered these questions.
What would it be like to love that dark part of me even when other people can’t?
What would it be like to stand with her when she feels the pain she caused, hold her when she sees her mistake, and forgive her seven times seventy times?
What would it be like to release her from the expectation that this can never happen again?
These questions allowed me to breathe again. I heard: Even if another person finds it hard to love me, I can love myself. I can forgive myself. I will offend others again and feel sad and disappointed, but I will be all right. I received these comforting and liberating words from God with gratitude, and peace began to return.
I shared my experience of resurrection with my spiritual director, weeping while I spoke. Accepting my humanity, forgiving and loving myself was freeing. Yet, I noticed how raw I felt. I wanted to withdraw from people. I felt as if I had no skin on.
My director invited me to turn toward those feelings and notice how God might want to be with me in them.
As I sat there, I sensed God’s tenderness and compassion. Then the idea came to me that God wanted to be my skin. I pictured God lovingly covering my raw, hurting self. I felt so safe and protected.
I told my director what came to me in the silence. “God seems to understand that when an incident like that happens, I’m hurt too, and it takes a while to recover. I think God is inviting me to take the time I need for my skin to grow back.”
I felt reassured. God is caring for me every step of the way.
You lead me in the path of goodness to follow Love’s Way.
–Psalm 23:3 Nan C. Merrill,
Psalms for Praying: An Invitation to Wholeness
Credits and References:
Rivendell Labyrinth 1&2 by Richard Bott. Used with permission
Release, Receive and Return by Esther Hizsa (revised Oct 25, 2026) originally written and published in 2022.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2026.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2026. http://www.estherhizsa.com
