I began to notice it more and more
in conversations,
in a turn of events,
a sudden increase in price,
a response I didn’t like.
I kept thinking they were doing something to me.
“They” could be anyone, anything
that ignited the panicky feeling
that I was trapped
with no way of escape.
I know when I first experienced it.
An innocent game of hide-and-seek
turned into a nightmare memory
of being trapped in the dark.
My body still feels it,
a part of me still fears it.
Maybe that’s what started it
and maybe it isn’t
but two things have come to me:
A thought:
Feeling trapped doesn’t mean
someone has done something to me.
There could be a hundred reasons
that have nothing to do with me.
An image:
God’s gentle hands
hemming me in,
comforting me,
and turning me toward
the light.
You hem me in behind and before,
and you lay your hand upon me…
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast…
The night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
–Psalm 139: 5, 10, 12
