How can I go off-grid for eight days while our priest was away?
I had heard that the Jesuit Spirituality Apostolate of Vancouver was offering another eight-day retreat. I considered going, but I’m one of the churchwardens who, along with the priest-in-charge, are expected to hold things together. I emailed Father Richard Soo to ask about an alternative date. But that wasn’t available so I let it go.
In the meantime, SoulStream‘s offering of the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises, which Jan Evans and I will be co-facilitating, filled up and had a waitlist.
I thought about the participants’ commitment to spend 45-60 minutes a day in prayer, often imagining themselves in a gospel scene with Jesus. I should do an eight-day retreat, I thought. You know, practice what you preach. But I brushed that thought away. I don’t want “shoulds” to rule me.
The next day, I was with a directee* that expressed a deep longing to melt into God’s love. I remembered a similar experience. I had not experienced that longing with such intensity for a while.
That memory came back to me as Jan and I met with some of the participants for an informal Q&A, We began our time together with these words which I read aloud.
Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is,
than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way.
What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination
will affect everything.
It will decide what will get you out of bed in the mornings,
what you will do with your evenings,
how you spend your weekends,
what you read,
who you know,
what breaks your heart,
and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.
Fall in love, stay in love,
and it will decide everything.
— Fr. Joseph P. Whelan, SJ
Jan talked about the spiritual exercises as an opportunity to fall in love with Jesus. As she did, I sensed God saying to me, “Come away, not because you must, but because you have fallen in love with Me, and I have fallen in love with you.”
I shared all this with my spiritual director a few days later, tears pouring down my cheeks. “So often when I’m on retreat, I want to make something happen, or I’m afraid I’ll find out that I am failing. But I think, God just wants to love me.”
“I suppose I could ask a previous warden if she could fill in for me,” I said.
“You could,” said my director, smiling.
Of course, you know what I’m going to say next. I asked the previous warden, and she said, “Yes. No problem.”
And so, when this post goes live, I will be off-grid with the One I fell in love with when I first heard the words, “Jesus loves me, this I know, for the Bible tells me so.”
Let me not run from the love which you offer …
–Soul of Christ Prayer,
paraphrased by David L. Fleming, S.J.
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SoulStream is a dispersed, contemplative Christian community. The mission of this loving community, which I joined in 2011, “is to nurture contemplative experience with Christ leading to inner freedom and loving service.” That is what the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises Retreat in Daily Life offers. Although the program is full for this year, there is still space in the Living from the Heart course. Also, Jan and I will be offering two weekend-long Ignatian prayer retreats online on October 13-15, 2023 and March 15-17, 2024. If you would like to be on the email list to find out what SoulStream is offering and when information is available and registration is open, please contact soulstream1@gmail.com.
What love mischief are you and God doing for the world?
Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.
* Directee’s words used with their permission.
An Everyday Pilgrim 