Advent 3: Restless

And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests,
but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.”
–Luke 9:58 (NRSVUE)

I want to lay my head on the satisfaction
of believing that what I do
is a gift to others 
and gives glory to God. 

But reality whisks that pillowy thought away
when I’m rudely awakened by the truth
of how my helpful tendencies
are no help at all. 

Then, like Jacob on the run
after deceiving his father and lying to his brother,
I find myself outside the city gates,
resting my head on a rock.
Yet, that night You came in a dream–
angels ascending and descending on a stairway to heaven.
“Surely God was in this place, and I did not know it,” Jacob said.

When I lay my head on a pillow
it turns into a rock,
and that rock
becomes a pillow

until it changes again.

I’m both–
helpful and unhelpful
healer and wounder
disabled and gifted
human and divine

and in the tension
I find
my suffering and my salvation. 


You have made us for yourself, O Lord,
and our heart is restless until it rests in you.
— St. Augustine, Confessions

.∗ ∗ ∗

Advent 3 Reflection

Take a few moments and be with the words and images in today’s blog post.

  • What new awareness has awakened you to an unhelpful tendency in yourself that causes suffering in you or others?
  • What thoughts, feelings and felt senses arise as you welcome or resist this awareness?
  • Imagine God listening and feeling what you feel. What do you sense God offering you in this moment?
  • Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) As you open to Jesus’ invitation, how is God saving you?

Credits and References:
“The Restless Sea” by Kain Kalju. Used with permission.
Poem “Restless” by Esther Hizsa, 2022.
Jacob’s dream is in Genesis 28:10-16
“071020” (Baby) by Tamaki Sono. Used with permission.
Nativity” by Stephen Brent. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2022.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2022.

About Esther Hizsa

Esther is a spiritual director and writer. She lives in Burnaby with her husband, Fred, and they have two grown children and two grandchildren.
This entry was posted in Advent, Christmas, Poetry, Prayer, Reflections and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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