Holding My Tender Heart


I’ve been afraid of rejection
my whole life.

Then I got rejected
twice
in one day.

My head told me
not to take it personally.
It doesn’t reflect badly
on them or me.
It’s for the best.

I continued on,
but when I looked back
my heart hadn’t moved.
She was still sitting at the corner
with a shocked look on her face,
feeling ashamed,
doubting her goodness.

“Oh, tender heart.”
I knelt down to wipe a tear from her cheek,
“I know,
I know this is hard.”

She’d wrapped her arms tightly
around her knees
as if she could protect herself
from what had already happened.

“I thought I belonged everywhere,”
she said. “That’s what you said God said.
But I don’t.
I don’t belong
there.”

“No. Not there.
They don’t want you there.
It’s true,” I said to my heart.

I stroked her back
and tucked her stray hair behind her ear.
“But you belong here,” I said.
“You belong to me.”

I picked her up and carried her
with shame, doubt and disappointment
tightly clutched in her hand.

Then, in the rocking rhythm of my body,
after a while
I felt her
soften
and heard her
sigh
as the hurt
slipped
from her tiny
fingers.


God tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart.

–Isaiah 40:11

∗ ∗ ∗

Love Mischief for the World

Coincidence? A friend sent me the Centre for Action and Contemplation‘s statement of belonging and anouther friend read it out at a meeting that same week. What would it be like for our communities of faith to be brave enough to create a litany of belonging, speak it out, and live by it? We are as beautifully diverse as these wild flowers. We all long to know that, in our differences, we are loved and accepted. That knowing needs to come from within ourselves, where we are one with God. We’re constantly on shaky ground if we rely on others for a sense of belonging. That said, how good it is when what we hear from God inside is echoed outside. May we be good echoers of God.

What love mischief are you and God doing for the world?
Let me know and I will include it in an upcoming post.

Credits and References:
Painting by William-Adolphe Bouguereau (November 30, 1825 – August 19, 1905) photo by Thomas Hawke.
Used with permission.
Moonbeams by Jessie Wilcox Smith (September 6, 1863 – May 3, 1935)
“Wild Flower Garden III” by Lex McKee. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2022.
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2022.  http://www.estherhizsa.com

About Esther Hizsa

Esther is a spiritual director and writer. She lives in Burnaby with her husband, Fred, and they have two grown children and two grandchildren.
This entry was posted in compassion, Poetry, Reflections and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.