The Suffering We Choose

Posted on February 23, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

I cannot promise
this blessing will free you
from danger,
from fear,
from hunger
or thirst,
from the scorching
of sun
or the fall
of the night.
–Jan Richardson, Beloved Is Where We Begin

The blessing of being God’s beloved
will not free us
from suffering–

suffering that comes unbidden,
the suffering of our making,
out of our brokenness,

and the suffering we choose.

Whether we are aware of it or not,
something in us
longs to be with Christ
wherever he is,

which is everywhere
and especially
in suffering,

Something in us
turns toward suffering
to alleviate it.

If you are suffering
because of a choice you made,
don’t beat yourself up
or assume there’s something wrong
as if life isn’t supposed to be
this hard.

Trace back to that moment in time
when you made the decision 
that led to your suffering.
Chances are
some part of you 
was overcome with compassion.

That part of you
was God.

But a Samaritan while traveling came upon him, and when he saw him he was moved with compassion.  He went to him and bandaged his wounds, treating them with oil and wine. Then he put him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him. –Luke 10: 33,34 (NRSVUE)

Credits and References:
“Suffering with Christ” Photo of a mosaic from the Lady Chapel in Westminster Cathedral by Fr Lawrence Lew, O.P.. Used with permission.
“The Suffering We Choose” by Esther Hizsa, 2024
“African depiction of the Good Samaritan” by tim kubacki. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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This Road

Posted on February 17, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

I can tell you
that you will know
the strange graces
that come to our aid
only on a road
such as this
–Jan Richardson, Beloved Is Where We Begin

If You are telling me one thing
as I begin my Lenten journey,
it is that I am on the right road,
“a road such as this,”

this back-and-forth life,
this finding myself scattered
and gathered again,
this moment by moment choosing
to come home to You,
to breathe in trust
and take the next step.

There isn’t another road,
another God,
another life.
There is only this day
and the strange grace
that here and now
and always
–no matter what I see
or don’t see–
You meet me
and call me
Your beloved.

Open my eyes to see You.
Open my heart to love You.
Open my arms to greet You
everywhere
You appear.


Every valley shall be filled in,
every mountain and hill made low.
The crooked roads shall become straight,
the rough ways smooth.
–Luke 3:5 (NIV)

Credits and References:
“Camino” by Alejandro Espinosa. Used with permission.
This Road by Esther Hizsa, 2024
“Oct 7, 2019 A Kinder Camino Tour by Fresco Tours. Used with permission
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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There It Is Again

Posted on February 10, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

It’s there
when you spill your tea
just when you thought
This time, I’ll be on time for my meeting,
there again,
when judgment announces your mistake
after the fact,
and there too
when you lie awake at night
trying and failing
to find a way
to make things work.

It’s there when you read the news,
help a person who’s homeless,
and see the price of gas go up again.

It’s there
when you find yourself in that endless loop
between blaming yourself and justifying what you did,
there again, when you realize you’re still waiting
for hope to arrive.

Powerlessness.

It’s one of the worst feelings in the world,
and we will use
all the power we have,
all the devices known to us,
to avoid feeling it,

but that only makes it worse.

We have to open the door,
name it,
and let it be seen, heard
and felt.

But never,
never
do this alone
or it will be the end of you.

Ask the All-Powerful One
to help you.
For he was powerless, too–
at his birth
and on the cross.
Remember how he wept over Jerusalem,
watched the rich young ruler walk away,
and wasn’t able to convince Judas that he was on his side?

You’ll want God with you
when you open that door.

And you’ll want
the gift that’s left behind
after powerlessness
has had its say.

But you, O Lord, are a shield about me,
my glory, and the lifter of my head.
–Psalm 3:3 (ESV)

Credits and References:
“Superman” by . Used with permission
“There It Is Again” by Esther Hizsa, 2024
“Let’s open the door to..”  Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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Naked Among the Tombs

Posted on February 3, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

Believing you’re loved
is easy if you’re the demoniac in the story.
Jesus meets you living naked among the tombs,
a danger to yourself and others,
and then restores you in mind, body and spirit,
clothes you,
and returns you to your loved ones.
A story book ending.

But what about the poor guy
that owned the large herd of swine
that rushed into the lake and drowned
because of what Jesus did?
It would be hard for the farmer to believe the Son of God loved him.
In fact, the townspeople asked Jesus to leave.
They didn’t want that kind of love.

I don’t like the idea that God’s love allows you
to lose your possessions and livelihood in an instant.
I really don’t like what happened to the animals.
That doesn’t sound loving to me.

When I listen to the stories of people who lost everything,
I hear it was a terrible end.
But to many of them, it was also 
a wonderful beginning.

Still, I don’t want it to happen to me.

And just like that 
demon fear slips in
and seeds the belief 
that God can be indifferent to my suffering–
see now, isn’t this story proof?
And when that seed 
is fully grown,
we find ourselves
naked among the tombs.

 So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us.
God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God,
and God abides in them.
–1 John 4:16 (NIV, adapted)
Credits and References:
“Jesus casting out the demons” image 22.4.2010: Sant’Apollinare Nuovo, Ravenna by Nick Thompson. Used with permission.
Naked Among the Tombs by Esther Hizsa, 2024
“Stillness” by christian.rudman. Used with permission.

© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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When the Dove Descends

Posted on January 27, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

When the dove descended on Jesus
and a voice from heaven declared
in the presence of many witnesses,
“This is my beloved Son,
in whom I am well pleased.”
did Jesus believe it?

Perhaps the Holy Spirit led him 
into the desert 
so he could listen to the part of himself
that was afraid to trust
such extravagant love.

Maybe in the quiet of the wilderness 
Jesus was able to hear the dark fears inside
tempting him to hold back
just in case

he didn’t get what he needed,
he was misunderstood and dismissed,
he fell, and God didn’t catch him.

Perhaps that’s why 
he was in the desert for forty days.
Words of faith come quickly,
while belief often trails behind.

So maybe we can give ourselves
forty days or
forty years.
Maybe it takes seven times seventy years
to believe it’s true for us, too.

Maybe the wilderness in which 
our dark fears come out of hiding
are those moments
when the dove descends,
and we meet a part of ourselves we don’t like
and want to cast out.

What if
all the things we do 
that we wish we wouldn’t
–blaming ourselves or others,
losing our temper,
judging,
giving in to our compulsions–
are not coming from a part of us
that needs to be banished
but a part of ourselves
that is brave enough to tip her hand
and let us in 
so she can be witnessed,
reassured,

and hear God declare again
from the heaven in our hearts,
“You are my beloved child,
in whom I well pleased.”

Consider the kind of extravagant love the Father has lavished on us—He calls us children of God! It’s true; we are His beloved children. –1 John 3:1 (The Voice)

Credits and References:
The Baptism of Christ by José Ferraz de Almeida Júnior (1850-1899). Creative commons.
When the Dove Descends by Esther Hizsa, 2024
“Welcome New Light” by Alice Popkorn. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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A World Filled with Love

Posted on January 19, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

He showed me a little thing, the size of a hazelnut, in the palm of my hand, and it was as round as a ball. I looked at it with my mind’s eye and I thought, “What can this be?” And the answer came, “It is all that is made. ” I marvelled that it could last, for I thought it might have crumbled to nothing, it was so small. And the answer came into my mind, “It lasts and ever shall because God loves it.” And all things have being through the love of God. In this little thing, I saw three truths. The first is that God made it. The second is that God loves it. The third is that God looks after it.
             –St. Julian of Norwich, The Revelations of Julian of Norwich 

God made me.
God loves me.
God looks after me.

The moment I think
I might crumble into nothing,
I am seen,
held,
protected.

The moment I find myself
thinking I’m alone–
that sacred moment when
I notice that
I’m forcing life 
into something it’s not,
thinking the world’s against me–
I remember
You’re right here
with me,
always
for me.

Then You pick me up out of my fear,
carry me close to Your chest,
and put me down again
safe and secure
in a world filled with love

May what I do flow from me like a river,
no forcing and no holding back,
the way it is with children.

Then in these swelling and ebbing currents,
these deepening tides moving out, returning,
I will sing you as no one ever has,

streaming through widening channels
into the open sea.

― Rainer Maria Rilke, I Believe in All that Has Never Yet Been Spoken

Credits and References:
Painting of Julian by Virginia Wieringa.
A World Filled with Love by Esther Hizsa, 2024.
“Milky Waters”10 mile creek, Buller Gorge, New Zealand by colin hansen. Used with permission.
 
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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Always

Posted on January 13, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

Before He said the words,
before I was lowered through the roof,
before I became sick and paralyzed,
before my first transgression,
before I was even born,
I was loved.
I was forgiven.

Before I picked up my mat
and walked,
I was whole.
I was enough.
I didn’t need to be healed
to be accepted, valued, and loved by God.

Before Jesus said a word,
He looked at me
with such love 
that I felt complete,
perfectly aligned
with all that is.
I knew I was.

Before I met Jesus
I couldn’t walk,
and now I can.
People labelled me a sinner,
and now they don’t.

There was before and after.

But with
forgiveness,
love,
and wholeness,
there is no before or after.
There is only 
always. 

The time will come when all the earth is filled, as the waters fill the sea,
with an awareness of the glory of the Lord. –Habakkuk 2:14 (TLB)

Credits and References:
Jesus Heals the Paralyzed Man by Harold Copping, 1910. Mark 2:1-12
Always by Esther Hizsa, 2024
Hawaii by Stanley Zimny. Used by permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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Mistake

Posted on January 6, 2024 by Esther Hizsa

And now we welcome the new year. Full of things that have never been.
–Rainer Maria Rilke

It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Even afterwards
I could see the gift in it

until I saw it through another person’s eyes.

Then I knew what I could have done
what I should have done
if I had waited a little longer
talked it over
allowed for the possibility
that I can’t see all there is to see
and wisdom arrives slowly.

But all that came 
after
it was already done.
Now, there is only now
and the swirling of 
regret and shame.

This is not how I want to enter the new year–
so aware that what I do impacts others
so afraid of making a mess of things.

But as You sing over me
–sing of the goodness I cannot see
and the hope that’s hard to find–
I am a little more at ease,
a little more open to compassion and forgiveness,
a little more able to welcome
humility.

The Lord your God will rejoice over you with singing.
–Zephaniah 3:17 NIV (adapted)

Credits and References:
Image “Mistake” by . Used with permission.
Mistake by Esther Hizsa, 2024
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2024.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2024.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
Posted in ADHD, compassion, Mindfulness, Poetry, Poverty of Spirit, Reflections, Songs | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Light Has Come

Posted on December 30, 2023 by Esther Hizsa

When this year began,
we lived
in dappled light
and shadows. 

Then life thrust us
into a darkness so bright
we saw each other,
we liked what we saw
and loved each other.

Once that love was born,
it became so precious to us
that now
the moments
when we may not like what we see 
don’t overshadow
the light in each of us
which grows brighter by the day.

We have come to
love one another 
the way God has loved us.

And so, as I begin a new year,
I pray that I may be given the light to see everyone 
the way my sister and brothers see me.

Anyone who loves their brother and sister lives in the light,
and there is nothing in them to make them stumble.
–1 John 2:10 (NIV)

Credits and References:
“Tea candle in the dark” by Markus Grossalber.Used with permission.
“The Light Has Come” by Esther Hizsa, 2023.
“A long stare” by -JosephB-. Used with permission.
© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2023.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2023.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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Uncontainable Love

Posted on December 22, 2023 by Esther Hizsa

Love cannot be contained.

It comes as a fireball of glory
and, when it meets resistance,
is not stopped
but spills 
–yellow, orange, and purple–
all over the sky, land, and sea.

Christmas may not come as expected.
Dare I say, it likely won’t.
You may have a list
of all the things the season should be
but isn’t.
You may name all you’ve done
to make Yuletide special,
but it wasn’t.

Look again, my friend.
My love cannot be contained.
Somewhere in your life
love has been born.
Just ask Me
and I will show you where.

Something you hoped for
is already true.

for Christ plays in ten thousand places
–Gerard Manley Hopkins, 
As Kingfishers Catch Fire

Credits and References:
Shifting Skies at Sunset over the Salish Sea by Mike Lathrop. Used with permission.
Uncontainable Love by Esther Hizsa, 2023
“The Adoration of the Shepherds” by Gerard van Honthorst 1592–1656. Wikipedia Creative Commons. 

© Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim, 2023.
The unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without permission from Esther Hizsa is prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used provided there is a link to the original content and credit is given as follows: © Esther Hizsa, An Everyday Pilgrim 2013-2023.  http://www.estherhizsa.com
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