We had a great plan.
Then, bit by bit,
what took shape
changed
and changed again
until I was left with
more than my share of work
and responsibility
along with enough resentment
to keep me awake at night.
What could I do
to right this ship?
I wanted to enjoy the smooth ride
everyone else seemed to be having.
Compassion may come in the night,
but rarely wisdom.
In the morning, I hoped something
in Pray as You Go
might change my perspective,
but it was just another story
that didn’t apply to me
until the second reading.
I heard “by the finger of God
I cast out the demons.”
While I don’t see resentment as a demon,
I wondered if God might want to
relieve me of it.
So, I set it aside for a moment.
What if, not in every case, but in this one,
I chose to accept this cup of suffering.
What if I chose to give more
and do more than my share
so my friends could take it easy?
I let that sink in
and sensed I could do that.
This time, anyway.
Dare to love and to be a real friend. The love you give and receive is a reality that will lead you closer and closer to God as well as those whom God has given you to love. –Henri Nouwen, The Inner Voice of Love
An Everyday Pilgrim 
From what I’ve learned about family systems theory, resentment is often a sign that we’re over functioning (which, in the long-term, is not a usually healthy response for either the over functioner or under functioner). If you’re interested in learning more, see Jack Shitama’s book, If You Met My Family, You’d Understand, or Jenny Brown’s book Growing Yourself Up, or books by Kathleen Smith (Everything Isn’t Terrible and True to You). It’s a lifelong process of learning.
LikeLike