Publishing the posts Being “That Woman” and God in the Dark: Theory left me feeling quite vulnerable to people’s reactions. Reason reminded me that God was with me, and I would be fine. But the little girl in me saw thick walls of darkness closing in.
Reason doubled its efforts. “There is nothing to be afraid of,” it reassured me and pointed to the good that came out of it. But, if you’ve ever tried to convince a frightened child of anything, you know their minds are impervious to adult rationale.
Eventually a Voice did comfort me. It spoke from a place that was deeper than my fears.
Deep called to deep. Waves washed over me. Truth seeped in through the cracks and reminded me of Julian of Norwich’s words. “We are not just made by God, we are made of God.”
I pictured myself made of the essence of God, alive in a shimmering world made of God. You are made of love and surrounded in love.
I heard what Julian heard deep within me. Others have too.
I visited a friend who has been living in a spiritual desert for a while now. She told me, “But something has changed. I used to feel like God was out there, apart from me. I don’t feel that way any more. I know now: I am in God.”
We’ve read that in scripture and heard it said a million times. But it’s hard to receive it until we hear it from within, spoken by the One who made us.
And what opens us to hear that Voice? A deep fear calling out for a deeper wisdom.
Deep calls to deep
at the thunder of your waterfalls;
All your waves and your billows
have washed over me.
By day You lead me in steadfast love;
at night your song is with me,
prayer from the Heart of my heart.
–Psalm 42:7, 8
Psalms for Praying; An Invitation to Wholeness by Nan C. Merrill
∗ ∗ ∗
Love Mischief for the World
In 1999, Lloyd Bernhardt and Kim Schachte went to Guatemala to adopt their daughter. Their journey sparked a passion for the culture of the country and inspired a desire to better the lives of the farmers and families living and working in the coffee industry. The couple returned to Vancouver and, in 2003, launched Ethical Bean Coffee.