The Christmas season tends to evoke a range of emotions in us. While we express tidings of comfort and joy, we may feel anything but comforted or joyful. It’s good to pay attention to those unsettling feelings and listen to what they are saying.
“Why would I want to do that?” you may ask. “Won’t that get me into trouble or make me feel worse?”
Perhaps you recall this train from Campus Crusade’s Four Spiritual Laws. Fact is the engine, Faith is the coal car, and Feeling, the caboose. The point of the illustration is that Christians need to rely on the truth of God’s word to guide them, no matter what they are feeling. “The train will run with or without a caboose,” the booklet explains.
This is helpful advice for times when our emotions overwhelm us and threaten to derail our faith. However, we need to take another look at the feeling caboose. We still don’t want it driving the train, but we have to stop uncoupling it from our lives. Our feelings, even the unpleasant ones, are holy ground. We can encounter God in them.
To do that, we must first become aware of God’s presence. St.Theophan the Recluse, a nineteenth-century Russian Orthodox priest, said, “To pray is to descend with the mind into the heart and there to stand before the face of the Lord, ever-present, all-seeing, within you.” So begin there. With your mind, imagine yourself meeting Christ in the core of your being. Stand before him. Look at him looking at you with love.
In his loving presence, tell Jesus about the event that incited the strong feeling you experience. It may help to picture the emotion as an angry cat, hair-raised and pacing. Now name the feeling. For example, it could be jealousy or loneliness. Don’t judge it or analyze it. Just let it hiss and meow there with you and Jesus. When there is a bit of space between you and your feeling, ask it what it wants to tell you. You may hear something like “I feel invisible when other people get the attention I crave” or “There’s something wrong with me; that’s why I’m alone.”
Watch how Jesus responds when he hears what your feelings say. Notice his compassion. What does he do and say next? Underneath your words is a longing Jesus wants to fill.
Once you’ve been with Jesus there, you may find your feisty feeling curled up in your lap, as harmless as a kitten. And you, having encountered the living God, will be transformed.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
– Psalm 139: 7,8 (NIV)
An Everyday Pilgrim 